Thinner

99

Poignancy.
_____________________

He could hear the sirens loudly outside the apartment, the people that invaded Hajun's apartment with large boxes, machines, and a stretcher. There were people talking, others hovering over Hajun's lifeless body, pressing their hands against his chest, and a machine on standby to deliver shock but never getting used. The robotic voice from that machine says nonsense like 'no rhythm to shock, proceed cpr'. There were two people beside him, trying to get in contact with him. But he couldn't move his eyes away from Hajun, his body bouncing on the bed lifelessly as people around him broke his ribs in an attempt to save him.

And he couldn't even speak, he couldn't say anything. Because if he did, he would cry it out so loudly that even himself would turn deaf from the sounds of his screams of anguish. His own tormenting mindset is the only thing allowed to communicate with him. Shaming himself for being slow, shaming himself for not noticing sooner, shaming himself for being such an ignorant person.

The hatred he carried for himself that very moment made him wish it was him lying there, and not Hajun.

And yet still, he was stuck behind, crying silently as all he was capable of was staring at a body that was so fare gone that it was already hopeless trying so hard. He could feel that Hajun was dead. He couldn't feel his presence, his soul. He could only see the body he lived in. The body that carried that grinning smile he adored and wanted to only see now. The body was there, but Hajun wasn't. He could sense it.

The agonizing emotional pain that lingered within the pits of his stomach as he replayed the whole scenario over and over again in his head, trying to find his own mistakes, what he should have done sooner.

"Hey, we need you to tell us your name, sir. We need to know what happened. Can you help us provide that information?" A lady spoke from beside him, finally knocking him out of his senses. He relaxed the grip on his phone, wondering if Chan and Hyunjin had seen his messages yet or even responded to them. He let out a shaky breath, turning to glance at the woman, whom he could barely see the features of.

"J-jeongin, Yang Jeongin" he cried, looking back down as he hid away another round of streaming tears. His body was shaking again, his eyes clenching shut as the ongoing mess around him unfolded.

"Okay, Jeongin, could you tell us what happened?" The lady asked again, pulling an aid kit by her side as she opened the box.

He overdosed, Hajun overdosed.

But Jeongin could speak anymore. He couldn't mutter a single word. He felt cold, trembling with shivers running down his spine. He looked at the aid kit and then back at the woman who was wiping his arms with an alcohol pad.

She should be helping the others save Hajun.

That was all he could think of. That this lady shouldn't care about the bleeding scratches on his arms, and that she should help everyone with saving Hajun. Even if he knew Hajun was gone, he still made himself believe that this woman should not be by his side but by Hajun's body.

"Jeongin, can you tell us-" the lady was immediately interrupted by a sudden invasion.

"Jeongin!" He could hear someone calling out for him. He didn't know why his first reaction was to look at Hajun, knowing that the male was in no place to even feel a single thing.

And sure enough, it wasn't Hajun who called. Hajun wasn't even there. He was getting loaded onto a stretcher, a person climbing back up on him to proceed with kneeding their palms against his abused chest.

Jeongin could see Hajun's unconscious figure not responding to any of the cpr, just lying there flat on the stretcher.

"Baby, I'm here, shh" a familiar voice filled his ears as his body relaxed from the sudden embrace he was brought into. His eyes still lay on Hajun's body, his tears still spilling fresh and clear, his body still shaking, but he felt warmer, safer, like he could let go completely. "You don't have to answer more questions, darling, Chan is giving all the information we know" he looked up, spotting Hyunjin, who kissed his forehead gently, wiping away his tears with his thump.

"He is dead, Hyunjin, Hajun is gone" he cried, feeling his chest tighten as he felt the warm tears stream like rivers down his face.

"They are trying, sweetheart, they are trying to save him, it's going to be okay" Hyunjin attempted to comfort.

But Hyunjin didn't know the way Jeongin knew. Hyunjin didn't see the way Jeongin saw.

He knew Hajun was dead.

But he could only shake his head in denial, feeling and hearing all the chaos around him. His body is so alert on everything, his eyes traveling back to Hajun, and his heart sank more and more as the second passed, knowing he wouldn't make it. He knew Hajun couldn't make it.

That was the worst part.

He knew.

That none of this was worth it. They were providing false hope. They were being selfish for their own titles. He was dead. He wasn't responsive. Why couldn't they just understand that he was no more?

Hajun was gone, and he wouldn't be here anymore to bless anyone with his presence. Hajun wouldn't be here to mock him and tease him. Hajun wouldn't be here to listen to his feelings. He wouldn't be here anymore sharing that smile of his.

But there was still a hope within him that Hajun would miraculously just sprint up alive, with his usual attitude in place, a cheeky smile on his face and excusing himself from the paramedics.

He hoped for that. He wanted that to happen.

But all hope came crashing down as the second he spent detailing all of Hajun's features, his face would be covered with a white blanket. His chest tightened as his heart dropped so low that even the devil couldn't catch it.

The scream of anguish that left him from deep within his throat sounded like he was the one getting stabbed by a ruthless serial killer. His wails bounced back off the walls of the room, as he was tightly yet gently held by Hyunjin. But all he could do was thrash around, kicking his legs and shaking his head, screaming and crying, wailing at his highest pitch as he felt the world crumble completely. All light disappeared from his vision, but the stretcher that Hajun's covered body lied lifelessly on. He could see the stretcher move from the room. He cries, only getting louder as he feels such terror and horror.

He kept crying, never ending wails, his throat aching, but he never planned to stop. He hit his palms against Hyunjin's chest, banging his head against the wall, finding the stinging white pain to be more relieving than painful.

"Jeongin, please breathe, baby" Hyunjin spoke gently, holding him closer and tighter, not caring about the hits against he chest.

"No!" He wailed out, panting by the time Chan joined them on the floor by the end of the bed, holding onto the younger alongside Hyunjin, in an attempt to calm the boy down.

But nothing could calm the amount of poignancy that lingered within him.