Thinner

90

Elysian.
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"Do you think Hajun is doing well?" Jeongin asked, wincing as the larger pair of hands ran over his naked proportions, massaging his lower back and thighs.

"You seem very worried about him. Perhaps you should get those thoughts off of your shoulders first?" Hyunjin proposed, understanding deeply how important Hajun seemed to be for the younger. And as for the little information that he knew about Hajun, he seemed to be a guy with a tough barricade to break through.

Jeongin sighed, knowing that the older was right. His kind was often occupied with how well Hajun was doing recently. Before the whole potential overdose situation even occurred, Jeongin wasn't nearly as much worried about the older with the amount of drugs and booze he consumed into his day to day life. Even though concern was always a thing he expressed for the addict he befriended, it wasn't to the point where he felt unsure of leaving the apartment without knowing his wellbeing.

This was a challenge, and he understood Hyunjin's attempt in trying to help him get rid of all the thoughts that, in general, piled up inside of his head.

Though staying quiet about such matters was always his go-to preference, he felt as if it was almost too much for him to hold in until he might explode into either unwanted tears or rage. And he genuinely refused to let his emotions get the better of him, especially if he could seriously hurt his friends and potential partners.

It seemed like no matter how much of his own past he carried along on his back, Hajun's physical and mental health seemed to be more important to him than the fact that his own self was slipping off the coastline, leaving himself stranded somewhere to get picked back up later.

"You know, I've known Hajun for so long. I'd admit we really weren't fond of each other back then. But despite all the negative views we had for one another, he was still the only person I really spoke with back then. And even if I really didn't like him and his annoying way of perceiving others. I knew that being around him back then was the only reason I didn't particularly feel as lonely as I would have if he didn't exist in my life" he spoke, feeling the hands upon his body rubbing circles around his lower back.

"Didn't he take drugs back then, too?" Hyunjin questioned with a frown, trailing his hands back down to the boy's thighs before applying more lotion onto the pale skin.

Jeongin nodded, sighing as he remembered the number of times he ran errands for Hajun. Back then, it was taunting for his body to keep up with all the requests. Most of the time, he ran errands for a favor, and he could always count on Hajun to keep his mouth shut, knowing that Hajun counted on him to do the same. But there were times when Hajun actually made him run errands even if he wasn't asking for a favor. But if he refused, Hajun would black mail. Saying things from threatening to exposing Jeongin delivering illegal drugs to him. To straight-up threatening to bribe teachers to fail him on purpose. And knowing the money Hajun had, Jeongin simply didn't have a choice when he didn't own a single cent to his name.

But despite being used a doll, or a his infamous nickname, little runner. He couldn't bring his heart to despise the guy. Hajun may have threatened him, but he was the one and only reason he somewhat felt interested in showing up to school.

That alone was embarrassing to admit.

But not having anyone calls for desperate measures.

"Hajun have been consuming things way before I got to know him. I remember how he was always in that one restroom at school, smoking weed or sniffing coke, with all his buddies that didn't really care about him" he shrugged, simply feeling agitated by the way people treated him so horribly.

He himself thought badly about Hajun at some point. But it wasn't to the point where he would directly spit out his discomfort or hatred for the other in others' faces, only to turn friendly when he turns up, begging for smoke and pills.

"But if he treated you that way, why did you two even become friends? I mean, I get that it's on a deeper level right now. But how did you two, who hated each other, become so close?".

"It was actually the time when I got to the hospital. Earlier that day, I ran an errand for Hajun like usual, but when I finished, I got so exhausted and dizzy that I ended up fainting somewhere. So when I woke up in the hospital, the first person that I had the opportunity to contact was Hajun. I didn't expect much from him, but when he actually showed up after my desperate attempt to get him to come, I really appreciated him ditching someone for someone as pathetic as I was. He came with my stuff and tried to pull jokes until he realized that I actually wasn't okay, and then he sort of just left" he explained, chuckling slightly at the memory of what seemed to be the most messy day of his life. "We didn't speak much after that, uhm, until that time where you and Chan kind of just turned a complete blind shoulder on me. I ended up requesting that week away from the hospital, and the only one I could go to was Hajun, so that was what I did, and we ended up learning a lot about each other, and how similar we actually were".

Hyunjin halted once he had first mentioned that time where they blatantly ignored the younger. Making the boy turn around smiling.

"I don't know if I should smack you for ignoring me in the first place or thank you for the fact that you did ignore me, so I ended up becoming close with Hajun" he laughed, looking at the older who stared at him with a mix reaction.

Of course, Jeongin could feel the small guilt that was present upon Hyunjin's face and body language, but also a sense of relief that seemed to wash over him by how easily Jeongin joked around with that era of their relationship together.

"I'd prefer the thank you, but I deserve the smack" Hyunjin nervously stated, scratching the back of his neck anxiously, before asking another question. "You also ended up staying with him after the whole situation with Chan and, I guess, somewhat me, too?".

Jeongin hummed, feeling a shiver run down his exposed spine at the memory of their argument.

"Yeah, Hajun helped me cope a lot, and no, not with drugs or alcohol. He actually comforted me most of the time, helped me get the thoughts out of my mind" he explained, gently leaning back into Hyunjin's embrace.

He smiled as he felt the strong arms that belonged to the older wrap around his body in response. Accepting the sweet affection that he swore, he really couldn't get tired of.

"But you did drink?" Hyunjin mumbled, locking his arms tightly around the younger.

"That was my own fault, I simply just picked up that habit" he sighed, looking down as he remembered how Hyunjin reacted once he found out about it.

"Next time you feel like doing so, please come to me or Chan, we really want to be there for you, whether if you are already drunk or haven't picked up the bottle yet. But please just don't fall deeper into it" Hyunjin pleaded, kissing his neck softly, making the younger relax.

It was only then that he realized how little he cared for his own wellbeing and too much for his loved ones. He simply hadn't found a place for his own self without flooding that space with Hajun, Hyunjin, or Chan. Believing that was the reason behind his sudden breakdowns.

He was bottling up his emotions. He was caging away his past. He refused to acknowledge the existence of his eating disorder. All of that brought him to moments where nothing but hurting himself in one way or the other seemed to help him calm his raging mindset.

If he had realized that sooner, he would have found a solution for it.

But it seemed so selfish to fix himself in the midst of helping his friend in need.

So, going against his words. He couldn't help but choose to place Hajun before him, once again, not making space for his own wellbeing.