Thinner

42

Indoors.
_______________________

A day couldn't feel more dreading and frightening. A day isn't meant to be so scary that he wanted to hide beneath covers. But it was, and it was happening all at once. Today was the day, and he couldn't run from it anymore. He has tried for the past week to pick arguments with the staff, and he has tried contacting his doctor. But everything came to no avail.

He had to face the reality that dawned upon him.

Even if he didn't like it.

He had to be acceptable towards it.

The thoughts shook him to the core. Knowing that his family has gotten away with years of abuse and mistreatment. Lying to everyone around them so that he could go back home and live like the slave he was meant to be.

"Your stuff has been delivered downstairs where your father will be awaiting you in the car" a nurse approached, but he didn't move an inch. He just stated at her with cruel intentions, wanting to snap that thick neck of hers.

"I'm not going" he mumbled, sitting on the almost naked bed. His hands gripped onto the sheets beneath him.

"It's fine, I'll take from here" he heard, but he wasn't ready to face that person. The way this all could be stopped in a moment if everyone just listened to him, but no one ever did.

He felt like he had no voice. No light, bright enough to reflect all the miserable pain he's going through. It was like a blind spot and a few spotlights. It hurt. Pained him. Knowing that his parents could get away with years of neglect and abuse so easily. But he couldn't receive basic treatment for his disorder without it being chaotic and a hectic mess.
He couldn't be himself. He couldn't speak up. It was like everyone was deaf around him. They chose specifically not to listen to him. That how everything felt like.

Betrayal, betrayal, and more betrayal.

Everything felt like tens of thousands, if not a million knives being stabbed behind his back. His heart dropped lower than his stomach. His neck felt tight. Hands shook uncontrollably.

And yet.

He was still staying composed.

"As your doctor, I promise you, I've tried my best. I have researched the law with a lawyer, and in no way have I found a legal solution to this...you will have to go home today, even if you don't like it..even if I don't approve of it neither. But, the police will show up to move you, and it wouldn't be nice being involuntarily moved from one place to the other..physically..I'll give you my number, and I want you to give me weekly updates. I want you to be honest with me about what's happening, cause I'm gonna be there, listening and reading everything. I will still try to find the safest solution for you to get out of that house" his doctor spoke, straight to the case as he rubbed the boy's back gently.

Jeongin had nothing to say but a heavy sigh. He stood up from the bed as he made his way outside of his room, which no longer belonged to him. The part that saddened him the most was that he had no opportunity to bit goodbye to Hyunjin, even if he wrote a note..it still felt cold..but he couldn't wait for the older to be done with his treatment, he had no time to spare.

His head hurt, heart pounding. He felt his steps becoming weaker and weaker as anxiety cripples upon him. His eyes clenched closed, only to shut open again.

He wanted to speak, but no words came out of his mouth. His eyes were teary, but he didn't let the tears fall.

As they stepped into the elevator, his heart ached, looking back at the whole ward in front of him. He has spent months in here. It didn't feel right to leave.

It may have sounded weird. But at this point, he felt attached. Not because he wanted to stay in the hospital for forbidden validation. But, because he had made so many memories here, good ones. And having to go back to a place containing bad memories wasn't pleasing for him to hear.

He wasn't pleased with anything happening.

At this point, he would be better off running away.

As the doors closed, so did his hopes and expectations. Everything shut down, and he felt like he couldn't breathe.

"If you want, I could drive you home..but your father is here to pick you up.." his doctor spoke, but Jeongin still couldn't mutter a word.

It was like he was being choked up in his own words. Wanting to scream and yell something all the time. But his doctor couldn't see that, he doctor couldn't understand that.

Because no one did. No one understood him. No one saved him. He just hung there for people to rip open to try and fix. And then when it doesn't work out the way they want it to, he won't be important anymore.

"I know, it's not easy. And trust me that no one is happy about this right now-".

"That's a lie".

"Pardon me?".

"That's a lie..many are happy that I'm going home. I don't have to be a difficult case anymore. I don't have to be helped or healed anymore. I have to go home to my family, who claims to love and care for me..only to end up the same way as I came" he turned to his doctor. Letting the tears fall. "No one asked me what I wanted and needed under the meetings. I sat there, listening to my father's bullshit, watching as everyone got convinced by his awful lies. Even if you tried to argue against it..it was still taking my voice away from me" he explained. Turning to face the door again as he wiped his teary eyes. Leaving them red and puffy.

"What do you want then..I'm asking you, so I can make it work" he spoke, letting the bot step out of the elevator before him.

"Do you really wanna know what I truly want? Fine..at this point, I just want to rest, I want to just stop breathing so I can sleep peacefully. I'm so fucking tired, I don't want to go like this anymore".