Thinner

104

Nepenthe.
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"You are doing it wrong" Hyunjin complained, pointing at him with a pair of scissors, a frown displayed on his face as he looked at what he liked to describe, a disaster, placed in front of Jeongin.

Jeongin pouted, looking down at the torn looking paper, looking as if a cat had its claws buried in them. They, or well, him, were attempting to make cut outs of leaves to hang around the apartment to decorate for the new fall weather. Time has been going so fast, and he was slowly catching up to it. Smiling more day by day and feeling more content in doing day to day activities without feeling guilt.

The goodbye to Hajun really helped a lot. He didn't truly believe it would have changed so much. But he felt a lot more at peace, knowing that he had gotten to speak his final words to him. Of course, he still found some days more difficult to get through than others, but it was a part of the progress. He didn't cry anymore. Even if he felt emotional about the whole thing again, he learned to accept that what happened has happened and that Hajun was getting his rest now. He learned how to appreciate life with Chan and Hyunjin, knowing that the latter was still found somewhere within his heart.

Today was a good day. It was one of those days where everyone had nothing to do. No work, no cleaning, no chores. So they spent it relaxing, getting the mood for fall.

He remembered doing something similar at the hospital with Hyunjin and Chan, but back then, they didn't critique his ugly creative work and rather encouraged him to continue. And though Chan was still supportive, cheering him on, Hyunjin was not having it, letting out his unusual perfectionistic side.

"Give him a break. He is trying" Chan spoke, trying to meddle in again, only to get told off by Hyunjin.

"Shut it. My baby has to learn".

Chan just laughed, shaking his head as he stood up upon his feet, dragging himself into the bathroom. Jeongin, assuming the older was going to shower, he didn't spare another thought about him, as he focused back on the ugly cut out of what was supposed to be a brown leaf, stare back at him.

"Hyunjin, I am terrible at this" he sighed, holding up the ugly leaf as he judged every corner of it. He went over what he assumed he did right and then what he did wrong.

He wanted to learn for the sake of making Hyunjin happy. This was one of Hyunjin's favorite things to do, especially when the holidays were arriving left and right. He had previously shared how him and his family would always do cut outs of things following the theme of certain holidays to decorate their home with. And he took that tradition here.

which, at first, seemed fun and exciting. Now it was just chaotic, which he really didn't mind, but it wasn't what he expected it to be. He thought it would be a calm, relaxing time, drinking hot chocolate and enjoying each other's presence. But it was rather filled with terrible mistakes and complaints, yet laughter still filled their mouths.

It was a pure tragedy, one they would make fun of in the future together. Their smiles said a lot about this memory being former.

He no longer felt guilty, which did feel odd at times, but he found himself continuing to smile and laugh, letting his mindset heal from the actual tragedy that took place. He knew it was for the better. Either way, his grief was coming to an end. He wasn't particularly forgetting about Hajun. No, he still kept him close, started to mention him in a positive way around the apartment, learning how to laugh at the never forgetting memories they shared. Learning how to love the pieces of clothing he brought with him, those Hajun used to cherish and own, instead of hugging them to sleep, crying.

It was like fresh air, a relief that filled him, knowing he would be okay with the thought of his passing. It took its time, but the time was slowly coming to a halt. He had accepted the truth that he avoided so much. He accepted that he may never see or talk to Hajun again, but he would always be there to listen and be present in his heart.

At the end of the day, the world did continue to move on. And he felt more okay with that every single day he lived, carrying the legacy of their memories in his heart, learning to smile at the thought of them meant a lot.

He would be okay.

He could finally tell himself that.

And he could finally believe his own words.

And he knows it was what Hajun would have wanted.

"I mean, if you could just cut along the lines and not outside and inside of them, you would have been done with multiple by now" Hyunjin again complained, but kept a cheeky smile on his face as he did. Showing that it genuinely didn't matter that much, despite his words saying otherwise.

"Isn't there something easier to do?" he questioned, giving up on the brown, orange, and yellow pieces of paper lying in front of him, waiting to get cut into shapes of leaves that he sucked so badly at.

"I know you hate when we bring it up. But do you remember in the hospital? Why don't you try the fold and cut technique? You got decent at those".

Jeongin nodded, smiling softly as he felt the motivation to continue crafting what would probably be another failure. But he listened to what Hyunjin told him, smiling at the flashback of him sulking in the hospital that day, being equally as terrible at cutting paper into shapes and folding them into forms.

He took the paper and folded it gently, cutting small patterns hoping to create some type of looking leaf. He could see Hyunjin in the corner of his eyes, watching him passionately as he slid the paper carefully and gently.

"You're so slow" Hyunjin mumbled, impatient as all Jeongin could do was stare at him in disbelief before he let out a chuckle.

"You really are testing my patience, hwang".