Thinner

84

Yonderly.
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It was dawn, and he had yet to close his eyes. His thoughts were fixated on two particular things, Hajun's wellbeing and Hyunjin words of advice. He was on and off topic in both categories. He spent a few hours thinking about what Hyunjin had said, and he spent the other remaining hours wondering if Hajun was doing well or if he was suffering.

He knew he had to get some sleep. He was stressed. But how could possibly sleep in a situation like his? He was on the edge of just walking out the door with no notice, leaving it all behind, letting Hajun wake up to no one by his side, letting Hyunjin and Chan down. But he also knew it couldn't be an option to just disappear again. It felt nice running away from the things that haunted him. But he knew that eventually he had to just face it.

And as the sunlight protruded its way through the whitish curtains in the damp bedroom, lighting up the dull room, letting him know that it was the start of a new day. A day he most likely wasn't ready for.

He knew Hajun would wake up soon. He would either wake up really late or early depending on what drugs he consumed or how much alcohol he drank.

Just like his mother.

Hyunjin was right. It was all in his past, and he was just living it again. Burdening himself and everyone around him, making him feel even worse when he tried to trick everyone that he was well.

One of his fears today was Hyunjin telling Chan about their talk or his discovery last night. He didn't want Chan to know even if it was for the best that he knew. He didn't want to confront Chan with talking about alcohol and substance abuse. He couldn't approach the older without the guilt eating him up. And he couldn't speak to him without fearing another argument.

He sighed heavily as he felt rummaging beside him. His eyes opened up wide as he stared into Hajun's newly awake ones. He felt his heart skip a beat, but he kept his composure and kept calm. Letting down his adrenaline as he turned to the older fully.

"You had a bad trip" he mentioned, looking at the older with a tired look. His eyes closed gently as he took a deep breath.

"I don't even remember it, shit. Getting me home must have been difficult".

Jeongin gulped as he knew he ready had to tell Hajun about Chan and Hyunjin. He felt his heart thumping against his chest, his neck feeling sweaty and warm. Hajun hated unfamiliar people in his most vulnerable space.

"I had to call backup-".

"You did what? Backup? Did you shoot yourself in the head or what? How come you even think of doing that?" Hajun ranted. His eyes looked betrayed and hurt. And even within Jeongin himself, he felt that betrayal and hurt.

"Hajun, I had to call someone to help. You were completely out of mind, and I didn't know if you were about to overdose. I beg you to take this easily, but I called Chan and Hyunjin" he didn't even wanna look at Hajun again. The way the only emotions igniting from the older was spite made him feel unsafe and confused.

He understood Hajun's boundaries, but respecting in a dead or life situation wasn't easy for him. And he couldn't help but wonder how much contacting Chan and Hyunjin had saved both the two of them, a very rough time.

"Fuck, out of all people Jeongin? They probably think so bad about me now. They probably see me as some uncontrolled junkie now who have nothing better to do than consume drugs!".

"But isn't that partially true? Hajun, i only called them because there wouldn't be legal trouble involved. You took something that wasn't supposed to be in your system, and that's the issue here, not me contacting them. If it wasn't for Chan nor Hyunjin, I would have probably used narcan on you. That's how far down the rabbit hole you were. I know you hate people in your spaces, but I literally had no other choice than getting the right help or letting you sleep on the street for the night" he hissed in annoyance, blinking his eyes open only to be met with a black tv screen.

"It's not that bad, I'm having fun, there are worse people than me".

He felt Hajun go into defense mode. Chest rising heavily as he constantly had to remind himself to breathe. His eyes opening closing in frustration, and his mouth wanted to speak wise words, but with nothing coming, all frustrated him. His senses were ticking, and he noticed every single sensation around him. He felt overwhelmed.

"Not bad? Hajun, you took something really fucked up. You should have seen yourself speaking and even attempting to walk. You were noticeably out of your fucking head. Don't you think it's about time to see someone? Like a rehab center or a therapist? I'm worried about you, I spent all night awake worrying about you. I couldn't even close my eyes without believing that the second I would fall asleep, you would have a stroke and die beside me. That was how bad it was. Whatever that happened for you to take such drugs is a problem, but I was working my ass of trying to put the right care for you so that you wouldn't fucking die".

His words felt sharp in his mouth. And he knew it felt sharp in Hajun's heart. But Hyunjin was right. Hajun needed help from outside. And perhaps, maybe he should have called an ambulance instead. Or the police. He didn't want to screw his friend over, but he regretted not calling professionals before Chan and Hyunjin. The burden he had on his shoulders, the realization that sta upon his mind, aware of the fact the Hajun could die if he continued all of this, scared him.

"Jeongin, I'm fine, okay? I don't need someone to help me. I know a bad trip when I see one, and mine wasn't it. Do stop putting words in my mouth".

"Hajun, you were literally incapable of walking and barely sounded audibly when you spoke. I've never seen you so drugged out like that. So whatever you are thinking is wrong. You need someone to help you, but I can't have that lingering on my shoulders. I'm so grateful for the things we have done for each other, but there are boundaries that shouldn't be broken. And I respect that drugs and alcohol are your way way of coping, but you're dying slowly, and it is making me worried sick about you".