Thinner

83

Dern.
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"I'm sorry for lashing out on you to begin with. I...just thought how stupid it was for you to lie to us like that. Even though it's second nature for you to lie, I really hope some day, you will be honest and sincere, so that me and Chan don't feel useless" Hyunjin spoke, holding the boy in his arms, who did nothing but sniff back his tears that exploded from the fountain within him.

He felt like a crybaby. He felt like a pathetic idiotic person who couldn't trust a person even if his life depended on it.

"I wasn't ever ready for any of this. I wasn't ever supposed to be in that hospital, I wasn't ever supposed to fall in love undergoing treatment. Everything was supposed to be about home, taking care of everything but myself, but no one would even acknowledge my attempts to rescue my mother to fix whatever was broken. I didn't even get praised for being the one dead or alive. I know it hurts to hear. But I never wanted to fall in love with you two. And I know it's painful, the words I'm about to say. But I still don't feel like loving someone right now-".

"And you don't have to love us right now, baby. Jeongin, what we want, because we love you, is for you to find a start. You can't live here, like this. Your friend is your former bully. He is a drug addict, and he is an alcoholic. You can't live like this, not here" Hyunjin tried to explain, but felt the boy becoming more restless, hugging him tighter as he breathed heavily against the younger's neck.

"I feel safe here. Hajun isn't a bad person. He's my friend..Hyunjin, whatever you're doing, don't talk me out of staying here".

"I know you feel safe. Because you are familiar with this. Jeongin, you are living in your past. You aren't letting go of it. Right now, Hajun is your mother on that couch. And you can't be there to go through that trauma again. You are stuck in that headspace, darling. You feel comfort in things you find familiar, but you can't move on unless you leave it behind" Hyunjin mumbled, running his fingers through Jeongin's hair, hoping it would calm the boy's racing thoughts.

"He needs me right now. He needs me to be by his side".

"And you can still do that, from somewhere else. I'm not saying you should move out in an instance. You just need to figure out a plan to get on top of your own two feet..and me and Chan would gladly help you with that".

"What if it's all too late" Jeongin asked, fearing the time running lower and lower.

"We will be here for a long time, Jeongin. The world isn't ending tomorrow, and it will be hard. But that is the point of growing up. You will get used to it. Soon, things will become hectic because you will enter a new era of life, an era that will be adolescent, and it will be stressful, painful, and confusing. But entering that era while staying at a place where you are being nothing but brought back to the past won't do you good".

"What if I'm never ready for it?" He asked as he looked up at the older, noticing the beauty that he once spent hours observing.

Hyunjin was beyond just handsome or pretty. He was beautiful. The way his eyes aligned perfectly, his lips so plump and smooth, his skin that was clearer than the water itself. Hyunjin got everything that everyone wanted on the outside. But he had something on the inside that he hadn't heard a single person talking about.

Peace.

Hyunjin had inner peace with himself. Even going through a difficult past, even going through two kidney transfers, he had found a way to have dealt with the pain of illness, finding his own route to be at peace within himself.

The road to success Hyunjin has fought hard for was deserved, and at this point, Jeongin couldn't see the older for anything other than proper advice. That's what he loved about him. That's what made him feel safe and enclosed with him.

It was how he wanted it to stay.

But Hyunjin was right.

There will be a time and a place where he isn't living with Hajun anymore. A time when he would have a job, have an apartment, and perhaps have a pet. He won't be stuck here forever. Whether if he leaves when he is 30 or tomorrow or grows old before he gets out. He will grow up, and he will become a part of society.

So what was so scary about that?

Love.

"Darling, no one is ever ready to take on the world. That's how it works. One day, you are just a teenager, and the next, you are an adult. You've already been a kid, and to a teenager, the transition will be confusing and overwhelming. You will not die tomorrow. We have many years to find ourselves, together or apart, we will all individually grow at our own times".

"I've always had this hope. Since I started talking with Hajun, I hoped that he would also find a way to not drown himself on drugs or alcohol. For him to stay sober for a week or a month. I think I spent so much time worrying about others, that I keep forgetting myself from where I left myself behind..and I just end up having to go back, and then it all repeats. I don't like relying on others, but I feel like it's my only option right now".

"No matter what your options are, Chan and i are here by your side. Physically or emotionally, it doesn't matter. You just need to know that no matter what, neither Chan nor I would leave you behind. So let us try to make things work out, baby, give us a proper chance, with fewer rules and more emotions. Let's not make it too controlling".
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It's kind of a short chapter. But I managed to squeeze it through♡♡♡♡