Thinner

95

Cordiform.
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It felt like a big commitment to expressing his feelings about the matter. He felt a huge weight on his shoulder that slumped down his posture as he sat on the small couch. He was being caressed by Chan on his arm. Feeling and counting each glide of Chan's fingers upon his own flesh. He could feel the tingling sensation travel from his arms all the way to his neck. It was a feeling so comforting yet taunting at the same time, only because it didn't soothe the anxiety that creeped up from behind.

Of course, he has been thinking about permanently committing into an official relationship with Chan and Hyunjin, but as much as he urged for that to happen, he felt beyond embarrassed and even just anxious about the upcoming topic they would have to discuss. He wanted it to just happen. He didn't want to talk. He wanted to just be kissed directly and not asked beforehand.

He was in a state of mental debate, a crisis only he could pick and choose the outcome of. Even if everything shook from within, he held a facade as cold as possible. But he had to still smile. He had to still acknowledge his surroundings because if he didn't, he would simply falter. A mistake that he wouldn't let pass by easily. A mistake that could haunt him for the rest of his life.

It felt insufferable just sitting there. Waiting for an answer, a choice, a confirmation.

But he could only choke on his own doubt so much before he would happen to face the two men he swore to love for an eternity.

"Sorry I took so long, I was in the shower" He spoke, as he entered the room almost out of breath, as if he had been hurrying for the past 15 minutes, his hair was dripping wet, the white T-shirt he wore seemed to be sticking against his lean proportions as if he didn't get the chance to dry himself off fully with a towel before coming inside the living room.

Jeongin could only stare, almost in disbelief, not by the visual in front of his eyes. But, more or so, because of the man that seemed to hurry an unnecessary amount just from hearing the news alone from Chan 15 minutes ago.

It made the youngest among them feel something. Like he mattered to them, it felt like they were on guard to talk about the subject, excited and anticipating some happy news.

"There's no reason to apologize, Hyunjin, I think we should rather focus on what Jeongin has to say?" Chan spoke, almost like a question as he turned to look at the younger, who hung down his head.

A small blush painted on his cheeks as he began to stutter on his words inside of mind, not even speaking yet, and he knew from then that he would have an incredibly hard time talking about this.

And it wasn't because he didn't want something to happen. He was too anxious to receive a no, or worse, more than a no.

It wasn't often so much attention was directed at him. But having both Hyunjin and Chan stare at him with hope made him feel both uneasy and more comfortable. His thoughts began rambling for him, and he had yet to open his mouth, and the way his palms became sweaty and how his hands became unsteady made it clear to him that he would have preferred to not talk about it in the first place.

But it was out now.

And there really wasn't more he could do about.

"Jeongin?" Hyunjin started out, crouching down in front of him to get a better look at the boy who kept his head hung low. "How do you feel about being together with me and Chan officially?" He spoke with such ease that it made the younger feel insecure in his own capabilities. Gulping down his own anxiety as he raised his head slightly.

He looked into Hyunjin's eyes, seeing the hope radiating from within them. The eye contact alone made him feel obligated to spill all of his wants and needs to them. It made him want to demand things from them that wouldn't be acceptable to demand. Yet he felt a sudden wave of confidence. It wasn't much, but enough to make his nod his head slightly.

"I'm just confused on the matter" he finally spoke, holding back a whine of annoyance that came from within himself.

He felt stupid by how exposed he felt. He felt small under their gazes, as if he couldn't be honest with himself nor honest to them.

"Tell us what you are confused about, baby, we will provide all the answers needed" Chan smiled, wrapping his arms around his shoulder as he let out a soft chuckle.

"Are you just going to share me?" He asked, uncertain of the answer, but he was willing to know about everything the two men had planned.

"You can put it like that. But I'd prefer to say that we both just have you the way we want to have you and that you have us the way you want to have us" Chan explained.

But Jeongin could only tilt his head at the confirmation because even if it confirmed everything, Chan's way of putting it was confusing.

"Basically, what Chan is saying is that we will all just be in one relationship together. It's not really that complicated once you get the whole understanding of it" Hyunjin explained more thoroughly, resting his hand on the younger's thigh.

"Whatever he said" Chan dismissed, earning a soft laugh from Jeongin, who felt a bit more brightened up as the tension he once felt started to falter slowly.

He felt more content in what they were talking about, and it made him genuinely more happy to know that both Hyunjin and Chan actually felt interested in being together with him.

"Are there more questions you want to get answered? Or should Chan and I just ask our big question?".

"No, that was all I wanted to know" Jeongin nodded along his words as he played with his fingers.

"Now then, do you want to commit into a relationship with us? Or do you still need more time?" Hyunjin asked cautiously.

Jeongin felt confident in his answer. And he could see the hope in their eyes. He knew they had been patient with him, and he knew they would continue to be either way. But he also knew boundaries were a thing, and he genuinely didn't want to make them wait much longer than needed. And he felt ready. He wanted to be with them officially.

"I'd love to be official with you two" he smiled, a small tint of pink spreading across his cheeks as he posture straightened with confidence. He could see their face light up with joy.

They have been waiting a long time for this. And who was he to keep them waiting any longer? And now that it was officially settled, he found himself in a relationship with the two people he loved so much.