Thinner

87

Classified.
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His breath seemed heavy as he looked at Chan sitting beside him on the couch, his eyes traveling to every inch of the room, the silence choking him alive as he wondered how he could start the conversation of his unfiled desires.

Was he just supposed to say it? Like, 'oh by the way, I'm going to fuck around with Hyunjin tonight, can you babysit a grown teenager for me to make sure he doesn't consume drugs? Thanks'.

He couldn't just do that. It was morally insane to start it off like that, and he even feared Chan's response. What if Chan wanted it as well? and he was neglecting that feeling to go off with someone else?

Sex really wasn't his specialty. He had it once with the man beside him. Once. And he was supposed to be comfortable speaking up to him about wanting sex with someone else? It seemed so unnecessarily messy. To the point he felt like just texting Hyunjin, asking for another time. He didn't even know if he truly felt like making love to someone this late in the evening. But at the same time, he also felt excited when Hyunjin first geared him up.

At this point, it was just overthinking.

He sighed, slumping his body further into the cushions behind him. It was still quiet. With Chan scrolling through his phone, he himself overthinking, and Hajun being sound asleep in the bedroom. The silence had fallen heavily. How to break to start a conversation about sex? That was still the pondering question.

"Tell me what you want to talk about," the man beside him spoke as he continued to scroll through his phone, seemingly unfazed by the boy having an internal crisis beside him.

Jeongin took a deep breath, cheeks flushing with a light tinted shade of pink as he gulped down his own pride.

"Remember the time we made love?" He cringed at his own words. His eyes squinted close as he hissed at the embarrassing question. He felt himself becoming reckless, his heart beating so fast that he felt like it was going to explode.

He stared at the clock on the wall. It was only 6 pm. Hyunjin would come at 11 pm. He had roughly 5 hours to prepare himself mentally for the occasion tonight.

"That was a long time ago. Why?" Chan asked, finally putting down his phone with a confused gaze as he stared at the younger who was red from the embarrassment. "But yeah, I do remember it, picture perfect".

The way he could physically hear the proudness portrayed in Chan's voice when he spoke those last words had him turning his head in an instance.

"I-, don't really know- well actually I do- it just that I cant- well I can and I should- but also it's just-".

"You're adorable" Chan laughed as he shook his head, looking at him with endearing eyes. "You do know that I know, right?" Chan questioned, eyebrows lifting as he chuckled at flustered reaction from the younger.

And Jeongin swore he could dig his own grave. He felt like melting into disappearance, where no one could get a hold of him, where he could hide himself shamefully away. His felt his cheeks burning from the constant blushing and sweat forming on his forehead from the nervousness he felt from the very beginning.

Those two men were going to be the death of him.

"Y-you know?!".

"Hyunjin texted me about it when we left the beach. I'll watch Hajun for you" Chan explained, sitting upright as he pulled the younger closer. "Why? Are you afraid?" He hummed.

Yes, he was. He wasn't afraid of the intimacy. He was afraid of the awkward atmosphere. He was scared that he wouldn't feel like it, even after planning it all out..somehow.

He was nervous.

"I'm not!" He exclaimed, shaking his head indenial.

"It'd normal to be nervous. You've only had sex once, and that was so many months ago. It will be very different and almost feel like the first time again. But just let Hyunjin take the lead baby. He knows what he is doing".

"Am I just supposed to relax? What can I do for him to make him feel good-".

"You just need to be there. That will make him feel so good. You shouldn't do anything but lay back and receive the love he has in store for you" Chan smiled in a comforting manner as he placed his hands on the younger's thighs.

Somehow, Jeongin was incapable of letting the thought go. He was worried that Hyunjin wouldn't like it, that Hyunjin would find him unattractive, that Hyunjin hated every ounce of his existence. He couldn't help but doubt himself even more, and the longer he thought about it, the more it pained him.

"What if I don't feel like it?" He asked, losing his breath as he spoke, his eyes darting into Chan's own, almost feeling anxious to admit his hesitant.

"Love, tonight isn't about having sex or fucking around. If you don't feel like it, Hyunjin will demonstrate his love for in a different manner. You don't need to have sex to be or feel loved. It's a want, not a need. Love is portrayed through many other things than just sexual intimacy. If you don't want it, just say it, and maybe the two of you could watch movies instead, go on walks, cuddle, or whatever that fits your cup of tea. But if you do want it, but you're unsure how to feel, let him know it so he can take the most care of you both before, during, and after".

"Won't you feel jealous?".

"Why feel jealous when I got the two most beautiful human beings in my arms when I need it? Not to mention that I already made love to you, and I'm satisfied with just that, unless you want more, of course" Chan chuckled, embracing the younger tightly as he ruffled his hair gently. "I'm not going anywhere" he whispered sweetly as he hugged the boy even closer.