Saved - A Bucky Barnes love story

Am I dreaming?

Except for the soft light of the moon, it is still pitch dark when I am woken up by a strange noise, a strange squeaking. I look around confused. The first thing I look at is Leon's crib. To my relief, he is still sleeping peacefully. I look at the clock and see that it is five minutes before midnight. Exhausted, I lay my head on my drawn knees when I perceive a movement out of the corner of my eye. A dark figure is standing in the balcony door, which is now completely open. Only his face is lit by the moonlight and what I see takes my breath away. Could it be possible? Am I dreaming? "Bucky?" I ask softly and with a shaky voice. Is my mind starting to play tricks on me now? He takes a step forward and says in an emotionless voice, "Who is Bucky? I'm here to kill Michelle Taylor." What? Why would Bucky want to kill me? But then it makes sense to me - Rumlow must have manipulated him again. Just as it was the case in his past. So fast that I barely notice he comes threateningly towards me. I'm afraid. I want to scream. But at the same time I don't make a sound and I also know why. If I'm quiet it means my death. But on the other hand, Leon might be spared. If he just continues to sleep peacefully, Bucky may not even notice his presence. I close my eyes and wait for the inevitable. In my mind I am already saying goodbye to Leon and the rest of my family. I can already feel his hand on my neck when Leon's high-pitched screams break my heart. Panicked, I open my eyes when the hand around my neck suddenly disappears and i see Bucky, who looks confused. His gaze wanders from me to Leon and back again. "What's that sound?" he asks and the confusion can be heard clearly. When he looks at me I think I can see my Bucky. The Bucky who would never let anything happen to me or Leon. "That ... that's Leon. Our son," I stutter. I can't say what exactly is going on inside me, but against all common sense I push past him and take my son in my arms to calm him down. The warmth of my touch calms him instantly and he draws in his breath shakily. Bucky still stands there, staring at us both in disbelief. "Our son?" "Yes, Bucky our son. You were looking forward to his birth so much." To see how much he is struggling with himself breaks my heart. "I am a father? How long have I been?" "For almost four month's." What happens now both scares me and saddened me at the same time. The rigid mask of the man who came here to kill me crumbles before my eyes. What remains is a broken man who bursts into desperate tears at the sight of us. That's when I know my beloved Bucky is standing in front of me. I put Leon back in his crib and, contrary to all common sense, pull Bucky into my arms. He clings to me like I'm all that keeps him on this planet. "Hey ... everything will be fine. You are here with us, now everything will be fine," I whisper to him while stroking his head and back. I don't know how long we'll stand there like this, but at some point his sobs will be less and he will not shake as badly as before. "He's beautiful" I only notice when he speaks that he's looking at our son. Then he looks at me. "I let you down." New tears start to run down his cheeks. I take his face in my hands and force him to look right at me. "You didn't do that on purpose. You would never do that, Bucky." "But ..." he starts when I interrupt him. "No, Bucky! You are not to blame for any of this and you know that deep down too." To my surprise, he puts his hands over mine and closes his eyes. When he opens them again, he turns away from me and walks over to the crib. He looks at Leon with a mixture of love, curiosity, disbelief and fear. "Can I ... can I touch him?" he asks hesitantly and looks at me uncertainly. "Of course baby. He's your son." I stand next to him and smile gently at him, hoping that his fear of hurting either of us will go away. Bucky stretches out his human hand very slowly and Leon looks at it curiously. But in the middle of the movement he pauses. As impatient as our son is, he grabs Bucky's little finger and holds it tight. That simple touch makes Bucky cry again. While Leon is still holding Bucky's little finger, Bucky sits on the edge of our bed and cries. I sit down next to him, put my arms around him and press my face against his shoulder. At some point Leon fell asleep again and Bucky snuggled into my lap. When I'm tired again at some point and my eyes are heavy, Bucky gets up and goes to the balcony door. When my mind understands what is about to happen, I am suddenly awake again. "Where are you going?" The fear of the answer almost paralyzes me. Without turning around, he says, "I have to go. It's not safe for both of you when I'm here." With two big steps I stand behind him and grab his arm. "No please Bucky don't go. We need you here" now I'm the one who breaks into tears. I just got him back. He withdraws from my touch and looks angrily at me. "What if I do something to you? What if they regain control of me? Actually, I came here tonight to kill you, Michelle!" The anger on his face gives way to deep sadness. "I could never forgive myself if I hurt any of you." "Together with the others we can find a way to prevent that. Please Bucky, I ... we need you here. Please stay with us." My voice is slurred because it is constantly interrupted by sobs. "Michelle ..." he starts, but cannot finish the sentence. There it is again, the struggle in him between what he wants and what is right in his eyes. "Please Bucky. I love you!" I have never seen so much pain in someone who hears that they are loved. "I'm just scared," admits Bucky, hanging his head. I gently lift his chin to look at him. "So am I. But what I'm most afraid of is losing you. We can get through this together." Both of our despair discharges into an urgent kiss. "Please stay," I whisper as I lean my forehead against his. "Ok" he whispers back just as softly. I silently pull him onto the bed with me and snuggle into his arms. How much I missed that. How much I longed for his touch. Suddenly I'm so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open. The last thing I feel before I fall asleep is Bucky's arms tightly around me and the touch of his lips as he kisses my forehead.