Saved - A Bucky Barnes love story

So Tony, what's so important?

When the others just stare at us for minutes instead of saying anything, Bucky speaks up.

Bucky: Ok Tony, now can you please tell us what's going on? What is so urgent that we had to cut our trip short?

But still nobody says anything. The behavior of the others makes me even more nervous than before. Now I'm really sick from nervousness.

Michelle: Guys? Can someone please tell us what's going on here?

Only now do I really look around the room. My gaze lingers on Thor and I can hardly believe what I'm seeing. Thor, god of thunder, the epitome of muscle mass is almost unrecognizable. His hair and beard are long and matted. But that's not the most unusual thing about him. There is absolutely no sign of muscles anymore. As silly as it sounds, Thor has gotten really fat. A raccoon is sitting next to him. A raccoon? I think I remember him very vaguely. I think I saw him on the battlefield in Wakanda. But what is he doing here now? I keep looking around the room and I can't see Loki anywhere. Oh no, please don't let that be true. What if Loki got blipped away too? Now that I think about it, I haven't seen him since the morning we all left to fight Thanos. I didn't really see anyone except Tony. 

Michelle: Thor?! What happened to you? And since when does the raccoon live here?

Nat is the first who can bring herself to say something to us. Her eyes are swollen and red and she already has new tears in her eyes.

Nat: Michelle - I guess it would be better if you sat down.

Michelle: What? Why? Nat, what's going on here?

Thor: Nothing's going on here.

You can clearly hear that Thor is not completely sober.

Thor: Sit down Michelle. Have a drink with me.

What the hell is going on in here? Everyone looks like someone just died, no one is speaking to us and Thor is seemingly drunk in the early morning and seems to have lost himself as much as Bucky and I lost each other. The whole thing makes me so nervous that I nervously play with my fingers. Bucky seems to notice that. He pulls me closer again and kisses my temple. Bucky leads me over to the sofa and we sit down. With his arms still wrapped around me he looks at the others expectantly.

Michelle: Ok, I'm sitting. Can someone please tell me what's going on here?

In the next second I wish I hadn't woken up this morning. Because what Nat is saying now is enough to fill me with pure desperation again. Loki isn't with us for an even worse reason than being blipped away. Nat tells us in detail how Thor and Loki have already encountered Thanos in space and how they fought him as best they could to protect the Tesserract. And that Thanos killed Loki to get the Tesserract. That Thor watched helplessly as Thanos snapped Loki's neck. That Thor met the Guardians of the Galaxy in space - that's what the group with which the raccoon is actually on the road is called - and came to Wakanda with some of them. And that after we lost in Wakanda, Thor lost all meaning in life. As I listened to Nat, tears ran down my cheeks non-stop. Although I just heard it and no one has claimed otherwise, I just can't believe this is supposed to be true.

Michelle: Loki is dead?

Nat: Yes, he is.

Nat's voice is barely more than a whisper. My gaze slides from Nat to Thor and his face is wet with tears. Even though Bucky is holding me, I twist out of his grip and go to Thor. I hug him without a word. He returns the hug and begins to cry uncontrollably.

Michelle: I'm so sorry Thor.

Why? Why did Thanos have to bring so much suffering across the universe? And I didn't even realize how bad Thor was. I didn't realize that the man who was like an uncle to my children is no longer with us. And why? Because my own suffering and pain has numbed me. I've been too busy dealing with my own problems to not realize how much my family is suffering. Out of the corner of my eye I catch Bucky leading the others out of the living room into the kitchen to give Thor and me some privacy. I'll have to thank him for that later. It must be hard enough for Thor to know that everyone feels sorry for him. And I'm sure if he does open up and talk about his loss, it's only when not everyone is listening.

Michelle: I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you Thor.

Thor: You couldn't have done anything about it. I was there and couldn't stop it.

Michelle: Maybe not. But I should have been there for you afterwards. But I was so busy with my own problems and keeping the rest of my family together that I didn't even realize Loki was gone. That I didn't realize that you're suffering too. 

Somehow it's all so overwhelming for me that I can hardly stand on my feet. I go back to the sofa and Thor sits next to me.

Thor: I don't blame you Michelle. If I were you, I would have focused on myself too. And... you are here now. Besides, I wasn't exactly a good friend to you either. After all, I haven't checked in on you in five years either.

He glances towards the kitchen before looking back at me.

Thor: How are you two?

Michelle: The last few months have been really difficult. I was sure that I lost Bucky now too. But we're working on it and we're getting closer again. But the emptiness that Thanos brought into our lives when he took Leon and Amilia from us will probably never go away. Losing them both is a wound I don't know how to heal.

Thor: I don't know how any wound Thanos inflicted could ever be healed.

I grab his hand and squeeze it, leaning my head on his shoulder. I wish there was something I could say back to lighten the mood. But he's right. How are we supposed to process something like that or even forget it? The memories of all those we lost in the blip don't just fade away. We who are left behind are doomed for the rest of our existence to miss those who were just unlucky and belonged to the wrong half of the universe. But unfortunately Thanos didn't tell us how to deal with it. And as hard as I - and I assume everyone else affected - has tried over the last five years, so far I have not found a solution. Thor and I sit on the sofa in silence for a while. At some point the others quietly come back into the living room. Which reminds me that Tony also really wanted to talk to us. I hope he doesn't have worse news for us.