Saved - A Bucky Barnes love story

Decisions

When I come into Leon's room, he is sitting on the floor, unconcerned, playing with Lego stones. Thank God. I couldn't have forgiven myself if I had found him sad now. I kneel down next to him and pull him into my arms. I don't know how he's doing, but after before, I just need it now.

Michelle: Hey honey. Ready for bed?

Leon: Will you read me a bedtime story first?

Michelle: Of course my darling.

As independent as my little man is now, he puts on his pajamas and hops into bed. I manage to get up again - kneeling down isn't a very good idea anymore either. I tuck the covers around him and sit on the edge of the bed next to him. He snuggles up against my thigh and I stroke his hair while I read him the story of the knight Philipp for the thousandth time. For months, that's the only story Leon wants to have read before he falls asleep. Against all odds, Philipp conquers the heart of his beloved Princess Amilia. At some point I see in the corner of my eye that his eyes are closed. I quietly put the book aside and stand up. I'm about to turn off the light when his soft voice reaches me. 

Leon: Mommy? Are Uncle Tony and Uncle Steve mad at Daddy?

Michelle: Don't worry honey, the three of them just don't agree right now. But that settles down again. Now sleep tight and don't forget, we all love you very much.

Leon: I love you too. Good night mommy.

I go back to him, give him a kiss on the forehead, turn on his night light and leave the room. Since I can't find Bucky in our bedroom, I go into the living room. He is sitting in one of the armchairs and looking out over the garden, a glass of whiskey in his hand. I sit next to him on the arm of the chair and rest my hand on his neck. 

Bucky: Is Leon sleeping? 

Michelle: Yes. He was worried that you, Steve and Tony were angry with each other.

An oppressive silence ensues.

Bucky: Did I make my decision too quickly?

Michelle: Maybe a little bit.

Bucky: I'm just scared. I don't want to let you down again.

Michelle: Baby, we don't even know what's coming.

I get up because the armrest is too uncomfortable for me. Bucky then stretches his arms out to me.

Bucky: Come here. I just wanna hold you right now.

I snuggle up on his lap, his arms wrapped around me, covering his face with kisses and rubbing his back soothingly. I understand he's scared, I feel the same way. But still I think it would be wrong to stay completely out of this.

Michelle: I love you. And I know you will make the right decision for you, for us.

Bucky: Whenever I think that everything is finally perfect, fate comes along and proves me wrong.

I hate that he feels this way. Though I can't blame him for that way of thinking. Many important moments were taken from him by fate. The birth of our son and his first few months, not to mention all the months taken away from us when I couldn't remember them both. If I could, I would take that thought away from him. 

Michelle: Come on, let's go to bed. 

I'm actually tired and who knows, once we've slept on it for a night the whole situation might not look so grim. He puts the whiskey glass aside before grabbing my hand and we head upstairs. While he takes one last peek into Leon's room to make sure he's really asleep, I start getting ready for bed. I'm sitting at my dressing table combing my hair when Bucky appears next to me. Still sitting, I put the hairbrush down and lean against him. My head leans against his stomach.