Saved - A Bucky Barnes love story

Good Morning

God i feel like shit. I open my eyes and feel like I have the worst hangover anyone has ever had. My whole body is aching, my head is sore, and although after being woken up by the pain, I have slept soundly, it feels like I've been up all night. I turn my head to the side and see Bucky lying next to me. I still remember how scared and tormented he looked tonight. But now he looks peaceful and is still sound asleep. Even if I can't help what happened tonight, at least I think so, I have a guilty conscience because the sight of me tormented him so much. What is this man doing to me? Until a few days ago, men were nothing more than means to an end for me. Except for Zemo, he was the only friend I had. And now I lie here and look at this man, with whom I must have been together once, and in spite of everything I am somehow happy. Right now I would like to cuddle up to him and have absolutely no idea where this thought comes from. I just feel somehow safe with him. Even if my head doesn't see it that way, it almost feels like at least my heart is falling in love with him. So confusing. I turn on my side so that I am completely facing him now. I slide a little closer and just watch him sleep. "Good morning" slowly his eyes flutter open and he looks at me sleepily. "Good morning. I'm sorry about tonight, I didn't mean to cause such a mess. I hope you got some sleep in spite of everything?" I whisper quietly. He smiles sleepily at me. "Don't worry, I've slept enough. How are you?" "I feel like I have the worst hangover this world has ever seen. But other than that, I'm fine. I guess I kept everyone up tonight, didn't I?" "Most of all you scared all of us. But don't worry about it. Tony said that all of this is related to an inner shield that your body has formed to protect you from your memories. And that what happened between us tonight probably triggered your memories," Bucky explains to me what I missed while I was unconscious. "That sounds logical" without consciously doing it, images from the previous night play in my mind's eye. How I hold Bucky comfortingly in my arms, how we kiss, the sex. "Yes, somehow," he suddenly looks sad. "If I had known that you would be bad afterwards, I would have held back." Poor Bucky, I don't want him to blame himself. Neither of us could have known what was going to happen. I take his hand and squeeze it gently. "It's not your fault. You couldn't have known that. And neither did I." He squeezes my hand too and smiles briefly. We just lie there for a while, hold hands and look at each other. And for the first time, I'm kind of sure that we have a common past. My head may not know, but my body, my heart, knows very clearly. When I hear noises outside in the hallway, I know it's time to see Tony and Bruce. I want to see them both, I want to work on being able to remember. The whole time I didn't want that one hundred percent, but now I did. I want to know what was. I sit up and only now notice that I am naked. Great, then everyone saw me naked tonight. I wrap the covers around me and pick up my clothes from the floor. "Where are you going?" asks Bucky who has almost fallen asleep again. "I'll go look for Tony and Bruce. Maybe the incident tonight gave them new ideas." "Ok" Bucky yawns and then seems to have fallen asleep again. I look at him for a moment before quickly getting dressed, throwing the covers back on his bed and walking out of the room. I go to my room and quickly take a shower. Tonight's seizure was damn exhausting and made me sweat a lot. Apart from the fact that I was sweaty from sex before. After showering, I rub my hair dry as much as possible with a towel and tie it in a messy bun. Then I put on a brown oversized sweater and brown sweatpants and head towards the laboratory. I really hope they both have new ideas.