Saved - A Bucky Barnes love story

What if it doesn't work? Will you let me go then?

I follow Bucky to his room. He has his back to me. Still, I can see he is shaking with sobs as he runs his hands through his hair in frustration. I close the door behind me and stand with my back against the door. "I didn't mean it that way Bucky" I say although I'm sure I meant it exactly as I said it. "Oh yes? How did you mean it then?" Bucky asks softly, his voice can hardly be heard. "I just meant ... maybe it would have been better for everyone involved to just make a clear cut. At some point you could have continued with your life, even without me" I try to convince him and myself. "No, I can't! That's why I never stopped looking for you even though everyone told me it was pointless," he suddenly shouts and his outbreak scares me. This is all my fault. If it weren't for me, he wouldn't have to suffer like that. And let's be honest, we haven't really made any progress so far, how likely is it that something will change in that? "But think about it, what will you do if I never get my memories back?" I don't know why but I can feel a tear stealing from the corner of my eye and running down my cheek. I'm so confused. My memories are still one black hole. But something in my heart can't take me hurting Bucky, that wonderful man. Sure he has crossed one or the other limit since we met, but actually he has only been attentive, kind and gentle towards me since then. And what do i do? I hurt him all the time. Even if it's not done on purpose, that fact almost kills me. "We can do it" he finally turns to me and his face is wet with tears. "But what if not? Will you be able to accept that and let me go?" I ask. Do I even want to go? Somehow yes, but somehow also not. I don't know if a part of me wants to stay here because it subconsciously remembers my life here, or if this part wants to stay here because it thinks it's the right thing to do. "I can't lose you," Bucky whispers, and another wave of tears shakes him. "You will have to accept that it could turn out like this," I whisper too. Why am i saying this? I'm not sure myself what I'll do if my memories don't come back. "This has to work. I've already failed to protect you, this can't happen again." He's crying so much now that I walk up to him and pull him into my arms before I'm even aware of it. Desperate, he clings to me and buries his face in my shoulder. I feel his tears soaking the fabric of my shirt. What am i doing here? My heart breaks with every tear he cries, but my head can't understand this reaction. I don't know how long we stand there and he cries. But at some point he loosens the hug and leans back so far that we can look at each other. His eyes are red and puffy and yet he looks absolutely hot. Ok, where does this thought come from now? This is hardly the time to be sexually attracted to him. Again, before I know what's going to happen, he pulls my face closer and kisses me. As soon as his lips touched mine, my head almost screams at me to stop. But my body tells me to do exactly the opposite. And for some reason I want to listen to my body. I return the kiss and wrap my arms around him. It's a tender, yet intense kiss. Both of our despair can be clearly felt without it discharging too much in the kiss. The last time we kissed, the kiss was filled with anger and despair. This time, however, there is something completely different to be felt. But what is it? Affection? Is that love? I don't know, but I never want to not feel that feeling again. Without breaking the kiss, Bucky picks me up and I wrap my legs around him. He walks over to the bed and places me on it. While he doesn't let me out of his sight for a second, he begins to undress. I also undress and admire the man in front of me. If it's true, I can understand why I fell in love with him. Both his personality and his body are absolutely perfect. When I look down at him, my gaze catches on his hard dick. Slowly he crawls over me and I spread my legs for him. He fixes my gaze as he slowly penetrates me. We moan in unison and he begins to move in slow thrusts. Our bodies are so tightly pressed together that I can feel his heart beating in his chest. And this time it feels so right. I cross my legs over his butt and push him deeper into me. It doesn't take long until everything in me contracts and I'm very close to cuming. Bucky seems to notice. His thrusts get even harder and with his human hand he finds my clitoris and starts teasing it. "Bucky ...... I ..." I moan but my words are interrupted by a violent orgasm. I clench around his dick and he cums too. He twitches as he spreads his sperm inside me and I couldn't be happier right now. The last time I was eaten away by self-reproach. Because I was sure that by having sex, I had only made things worse. But this time everything just feels right. Being here with him feels right. The tests Bruce and Tony did today, the argument with Bucky and the sex take their toll and I fall asleep almost instantly. I take one last look at Bucky, who also fell asleep immediately before I fall asleep too.

During the night Michelle unconsciously cuddles up to Bucky who closes his arms around her and presses her tightly to himself. Michelle sleeps restlessly. She dreams of her time at Hydra, of everything they did to her there. At some point the images become indistinct and she begins to feel this energy again.

Rumlow, Hydra, training, experiments - my dreams are permeated with everything that has happened to me since I first opened my eyes at Hydra. I feel this energy in me, only this time it is different, stronger. As if something was trying to break out of me. Suddenly the pressure inside me is unbearable and my whole body starts to hurt. I sit up and only marginally notice how all the lightbulbs around me burst and broken pieces are raining down on the floor. I scream in pain and panic because I don't know what's going on. I notice very gently how someone is shaking my shoulder. "Michelle! Hey, Michelle, wake up" I hear Bucky indistinctly. But I cannot answer him. The pain is getting worse, especially in my head. I open my eyes to look at Bucky and see him give me a startled look. I start to hyperventilate and have the feeling that I can barely breathe. Bucky jumps out of bed and runs to the door. "Tony! Please come quickly!!" I hear him scream before the pain finally takes over and everything around me begins to blur.