Saved - A Bucky Barnes love story

I knew you would do it again

A few weeks have passed and Bucky is doing everything he can to regain my trust. He hardly leaves my side - which I love on the one hand, but on the other hand also drives me crazy. But to be honest I don't know what I would do if he went somewhere without me. I would probably immediately assume the worst again, who knows, maybe I would even be right again? But these are thoughts I should avoid as much as possible. He tries so hard and yet I just can't shake that doubt completely. When I wake up one morning - a glance at the alarm clock tells me that it's a little after 7:30 in the morning - and I don't find Bucky in bed with me, I immediately panic. A look at the bathroom shows me that he is not in there - the light in it is switched off. It's still pretty dark in the room, but thanks to Hydra's experiments, that's not a problem for me. I see Bucky clearly standing in front of our closet. I sit up in bed.

Michelle: What are you doing?

He almost seems like I caught him doing something forbidden. His reaction makes me sit up and take notice. What's going on here? I turn on my bedside lamp and freeze instantly. There's a half-packed travel bag on the floor next to Bucky. Packed with only his clothes as far as I can see. I knew it. I knew he would leave me again. I can literally feel my heart, which had put itself back together to some extent in the last few weeks, breaking again.

Michelle: I knew you would leave me again.

Bucky looks at me like he was run over by a train. He was probably hoping I would sleep long enough so that he could just sneak away unnoticed. He follows my gaze to the travel bag.

Bucky: What? No! This isn't what it looks like.

Michelle: Sure, that's why you pack your things while I'm still asleep!

How stupid does he think I am? When he's fed up he should at least be man enough to tell me. Without listening to him any further, I storm into the bathroom and lock myself in it. How can he do this to me? All the "I love you" of the last few weeks, all the times we were together again as a couple - physically and mentally - should have been a lie? A fucking spectacle? Overwhelmed by angry tears, I sink to the floor, draw up my knees, wrap my arms around them and cry. How stupid was i? I suspected it the whole time that he would leave me again and yet i let him come back. 

Bucky: Baby please! Just listen to me for five minutes!

Bucky tries the doorknob but can't get in because the door is locked. He sounds almost desperate. Well, it sucks if a plan doesn't work out. 

Michelle: What else is there to listen to? I saw the packed travel bag!

I can hear him cursing indistinctly outside the door. When I haven't opened the door for a few minutes, I hear something scratching at the lock. Not long after, the door flies open and Bucky stands in the doorway. What the hell? Did he really break down the door to continue lying to me? I look up and want to ask him what he thinks he's doing when I see the tears on his face.

Bucky: Yes, I packed. Not for me, but for us.

Michelle: What?

Bucky: Yes! I wanted to surprise you. I thought a weekend trip would do us good. Just get away from everything that reminds us of all the crap here.

I'm so stupid! You can see how shaken my trust in the man I love, despite everything, is. I'm still crying as Bucky pulls me to his chest. Why can't I just trust my husband again? It feels like an eternity until my sobs stop and I start to calm down a bit. The whole time Bucky sits on the floor with me and holds me.

Bucky: Did you really think I would just leave you like that?

I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, but yeah, that's exactly what I thought. I nod hesitantly. Bucky pulls away from me.

Bucky: Baby? Look at me.

I look at him in embarrassment and feel new tears welling up in my eyes.

Bucky: I promised you. I will never leave you again.

I want to believe him so bad. But I don't know how to do that. I love him. Before, I would never have thought it possible that he would leave me alone in such a situation. But he did it again and again. I need to know that he loves me. I need to feel that he loves me and will never leave. I pull his face towards me and press my lips to his. Greedy and full of desperation. When he stops me I want to collapse again but then I see the look in his eyes. He wants to show me that he loves me but not in this way. He pulls me onto his lap so that I sit astride him. He gently brushes a few strands of hair out of my face and behind my ear. He wipes the tears from my cheeks with the fingers of his human hand and catches my gaze with his.

Bucky: You are everything to me Michelle.

So lovingly that my heart threatens to burst, he places his lips on mine. There is no greed in that kiss, no desperation. It is the expression of pure and unconditional love. A love that has been between us from the very first moment. He pulls his lips from mine only to kiss my forehead. I can't believe how I could have doubted him for even a second. I lean my head against his chest and listen to his steady heartbeat as he strokes my hair. 

Michelle: I'm sorry Bucky. I'm just so scared.

Bucky: You don't have to be sorry baby. I get it. I've put you through hell for the past few months. I'll do whatever it takes to make you trust me again, no matter how long it takes.

Michelle: Thanks Bucky.

I have to admit that I'm curious where the weekend trip should have gone.

Michelle: Where did you want to go with me?

Bucky: Why wanted? We will still go there.

Confused, I tilt my head back to look at him. Despite my reaction, he still wants to go away for the weekend? In fact, he smiles at me expectantly - the kind of smile he always gives me when he has a surprise for me. He then always looks like a little boy who finds a bunch of presents under the tree on Christmas morning.

Michelle: Really?

Bucky: Sure. Unless you don't want to.

Of course I want to. I think it will definitely do us good if we just get out of here and go somewhere where we don't know anything or anyone.

Michelle: Of course I want to. Where do we go?

With me on his lap, Bucky gets up and puts me on the floor.

Bucky: I won't tell you just yet, it's a surprise. And now please get ready, I actually wanted to be on my way already.

He plants a passionate kiss on my lips before heading back into the bedroom and then down to the kitchen. I don't know what Bucky's doing downstairs, but it sounds like he's packing some stuff. Somehow his euphoria is contagious and I'm suddenly very excited. I change quickly - white strapless top and rust red shorts. I'm about to follow him downstairs when I notice the travel bag on the floor in front of the closet. On closer inspection, I discover that he had actually already packed some of my clothes. He really doesn't deserve that I still doubt him like that. Suddenly an idea occurs to me. I go back to the closet, specifically the side that contains my lingerie, and pull out some. Then I go to the dresser that contains our sex toys and pull out a few pieces from there as well. I pack all these things in the travel bag, all the way down so that Bucky doesn't discover them at first. I have no idea where we are going, but I have an idea how to apologize to him for my doubts. And for that I need these things. I close the bag and go down to Bucky. Bucky is just coming back in from outside. He stretches out his hand for the bag. 

Bucky: Ready? 

Michelle: Yep. 

I hand him the bag. He leads me to the car and puts the bag in the trunk. We both get in and Bucky starts the car.

Michelle: Now will you tell me where we're going?

Bucky: No.

With a big grin, he leans in and kisses my cheek. Seconds later we are on our way to our destination.