The Mess We've Made | Minsung

chapter forty-six

"Are you ready for this?"

"No, not in particular," I chuckled. "It's been so long."

"How soon were you adopted and sent to Malaysia?"

"Like, right after," I laughed. "I went to the funeral and stayed for the trial and then right after I was just gone."

"So, this is your first time visiting since, huh?"

"Yup," I said, nodding my head as I unbuckled my seatbelt. "Somehow, I remember exactly where they're buried."

"That's kind of impressive," Minho chuckled, unbuckling his seatbelt too. "Ever considered having them re-buried?"

"Nope. This is our home," I frowned. "I don't even know how I feel right now. I think I might be numb."

"Unemotional numb or heavy numb?"

"Heavy numb."

We got out of the car and headed down the rows in silence, for once not hand-in-hand or anywhere near each other in stance. I walked in front of him in search of their gravestone, finally finding it when I turned the seventh row. I sat the flowers down and sank to my feet in front of it, sitting on my knees as I stared at their names. Minho sat down next to me and whispered, "How are you feeling?"

"Like my family's buried underneath our feet," I joked flatly, fixing the flowers until they adhered to my standards.

"You're right, that was a dumb fucking question," Minho chuckled. "Oh, shit, sorry, I can't cuss. Fuck. Fuck. I just did it again."

I burst into laughter, "Oh my god, that's fucking funny."

"I thought you said we shouldn't curse," Minho laughed.

"They can't ground me if they're dead, I forgot about that!" I exclaimed, causing the both of us to laugh even harder than we had been before.

"Your family is looking at you from the afterlife like, "We created a monster."

"They most definitely did and they can deal too because it's their fault," I chuckled, repositioning my legs underneath me. "God, this is about to be the hardest conversation I'm ever going to have and I'm not even going to get a response."

"Do you want me to walk away? Maybe that'll make it easier."

"No, you're my strength. I need you here."

"Okay."

"Fuck," I took a deep breath. "Hold my hand. I don't think I can do it if you're not holding my hand."

Minho interlocked our fingers, "Gotcha."

I inhaled sharply, "Whew. Okay. Here we go."

"You've got this, baby."

"There's someone I want to introduce you to. His name is Minho and I love him more than anything. He's my soulmate and I plan on spending the rest of my life with him. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I truly believe him and I were born to be together. He's my person. I know you guys would love him. He saved my life once, you know. He's the love of my life. He understands me better than anyone else does and I understand him. I don't know what I'd do without him. I wish you were still here to see meet him. He's amazing. We're doing the same thing with our life. He's my other half. He gets this stuff. What real loss is like. He's there for me in a way nobody else has ever been able to be. I thought I was going to go through life completely misunderstood and I was okay with that but I was so wrong. He sees me."

I paused to wipe the tears from my eyes and Minho started comforting me, "You did great, baby."

"I miss them so much," I hiccuped through tears, "I wish you could meet them."

Minho began to tear up himself, "I wish I could too. Can I say something to them?"

"Do you want me to go?" I asked him, caressing the back of his hand with my thumb.

"You know I'm clingy," Minho chuckled. "Come on now."

"I'll stay."

"Fuck, okay," Minho took a deep breath, "This is really happening."

"Yeah..."

"Hi, I'm Minho. It's genuinely an honor to even be sitting here. I know how much you all care for Jisung. I care for him too. I'm going to take care of him, okay? You don't have anything to worry about. He's safe with me, I promise. I love him more than anything. I would do anything for him. I would literally go to the ends of the earth just to make him smile, I'm so serious. Someday, someday I'm going to marry him. He is everything you thought he'd be. He's the strongest person I've ever met and every day he inspires me to be a better person. He has the world at his fingertips. He's famous all over the world, everyone loves him. It's crazy how fast it happened. He's so lovely. I love everything about him. I love the way his eyes squint and his nose scrunches when he smiles, I love the way he get excited whenever he sees babies, I love that he dances when he's happy. I think he got that from Sojung. I know your names, by the way. Jisung told me all about you guys. He got everything from you guys. His career was inspired by Jaehyun, he loves fashion and baking thanks to Seoyeon, he's athletic because of Jongdae, he got his theatrics from Sojung, his intelligence from Juhyun, and his passion from Serim. Everything is from you. He loves you so much and I love him too. I promise to take good care of him for you-,"

When Minho began to cry so hard that he couldn't speak anymore, I moved back over to him and held him as he sobbed in my arms. I wiped the tears from his eyes with my thumbs and whispered, "Hey, it's okay. You're okay. Shouldn't I be the one who's crying right now?"

"I'm an attention whore," Minho joked, the both of us beginning to laugh through our tears.

"I want to go home," I mumbled, wiping my eyes. "I hate being in this stupid fucking country. Everything reminds me of them."

"You took the naturalized citizen bit of immigration a bit too seriously, didn't you?" Minho joked.

"I fully consider myself to be American. There's a reason conservatives love me so much, I swore allegiance to their country," I laughed. "I've known since I was four that the US is where I wanted to be. My family knew that too. I would never shut the fuck up about it. I'd have them tell you but, well, you know."

"Yeah," Minho laughed, "I do know."

I stood up from my spot on the ground, "I can't be here. This hurts too much. I got the closure I needed, I need out of here."

Minho stood up as well, grabbing my hand again, "It's that bad?"

"I feel like I can't even breathe."

"Yeah, let's go then."