Art

92

Tik tak.
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Tw: selfharm, blood.
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Jeongin eyes darted to every other corner in the room, feeling a familiar dread in his stomach. It's been a week since the incident, and he managed to go through well at work after that, Felix told him he needed to take breaks now and then for the sake of health. Jeongin just choose to listen, but he didn't know why everything was fucking with his head again.

He felt dizzy, and had headache from the amount of tears he couldn't count, and he wanted to badly cry out as memories filled his brain, not knowing hiw shit functioned anymore. He felt so irresponsible for relying on Minho and Hyunjin, even though he loved them, he felt like he was being a burden to them, there was really nothing to do.

The worst part was that he couldn't get to it himself, he always needed someone to hold him, especially when he wasn't feeling well, but he turned out to be a burden to his father, so how could he not be a burden to them too?

It only seemed to make more sense, maybe moving was indeed the worst idea on planet earth, maybe being hit and yelled at for the smallest things, indeed was better than ti live in guilt that ate you up.

The worst was when the nights were so bad, that all he could do was to hang over a toilet, puke being spat out of his mouth as tears filled with pain fell down his cheeks. Times like this was times where dead filled his mind, he wanted to badly just disappear off of this world, he felt awful again, why couldn't he stay happy permanently? Why was he so weak mentally, not being able to hear a single light hitting his eyes without becoming stressed.

He wondered how his mom was doing, up in the clouds where all the peace seemed to get to her. He remembered the day he visited her, for the first time, and the last time. He hated seeing the lack of flowers, but he knew he wasn't much better himself, he avoided going to see her cause he wouldn't get hurt..was he really thst bad of a person.

He found himself missing mom, the comfort of her old words being whispered in his ears, as he fell asleep in her lap. He didn't like thinking about that, it made him feel worse than before, maybe he really was that mistake his father called him, useless and lazy, a burden to everyone.

Thise thoughts were now the ones invading, giving him a pure headache again.

"Jeongin?" Hyunjin's voice echoed through the bathroom, tired eyes filled with worry as he entered, lifting the crying mess of his lover up in arms, looking at all the mess surrounding him.

Puke, blood, tears.

It all seemed to stain. And it tore his heart apart.

"Baby, what happened" Hyunjin's voice softened as he looked at Jeongin, concern constantly filled his eyes up, as he looked into the teary pair in front of him.

Jeongin wasn't able to verbally respond, he let Hyunjin hold him close. Watching as s tired yet concerned Minho stepped into the bathroom too, eyes immediately landing on his wrist, watching the red liquid stain around it.

Jeongin eyes followed his movements, watching how he pulled out an aid kit. He felt even more like a burden, he hated this, how could he be so shameless, forcing them to help him out..well atleast for Jeongin it felt forced.

Minho came back as Hyunjin sat the younger boy on the counter, letting Minho rinse his wounds and clean them. As he went downstairs to find something Jeongin could find comfort in.

He winced and whined as he felt the relatively warm water trace his skin, clenching his eyes close as he held Minho's arms, feeling the stinging pain from the sanitized cloth tracing his skin.

"Baby, are you okay now?" Minho asked, knowing he couldn't just ask into why he did it, cause he already knew, and Jeongin wasn't in the state to explain anything ti them.

He knew he certainly wasn't okay when he broke down crying again, eyes filling with worry as all seemed to come crushing down on Jeongin.

"Y-your mad?" Jeongin sniffed, trying ti stay as composed as possible, eyes watering as more tears seemed to appear brimming in his eyes.

"Hey, we're not mad at you baby..you have all the right to not feel okay, and yes, this certainly isn't the answer to your problems baby..but now we're here and we'll comfort you, till you feel better alright?" Minho spoke, voice going soft as he softly kissed Jeongin's nose.

Jeongin hated how his heart watmed at that and how he melted. So shameless of him, to accept all that love they gave him, providing him practically everything he needed.

How was it okay for him to feel bad?
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Feeling like shit today, so I'm writing off my emotions.