The Self-conscious Submissive

Where it Started

-Trinity

I stayed there kneeling on the floor unsure of what else to do. I tried to apologize and talk to Dylan but nothing I said was getting through. She was still mad at me. She wasn't yelling or raising her voice but her words were cold and emotionless. I just wanted to cry and be in her arms and makeup already but it didn't seem like that was going to happen.

I knew I messed up and nothing I could say or do could undo what I did. I knew this so I did the only thing I knew. I waited patiently for her to return to me. I heard the shower turn on and off and I remained, she came into the kitchen cooked herself something to eat, and went back to her room, and I remained. I remained kneeling waiting for her time ticked by slowly the sun went down and the room grew darker until it was almost pitch black aside from a little streak of light that came from the bottom of our closed bedroom door.

I had remained there for hours I was tired, my heart ached, and my stomach growled, but none of that compared to the pain I felt when I saw the lack of emotion on Dylan's face. 

I heard her footsteps enter the room and felt her standing over me though I couldn't see her.

"So where do we go from here?" she asked.

I looked into the darkness unsure of how to answer her. I didn't know what to say there was nothing I could say to fix this. I knew we couldn't go back to how things were after I hurt her so badly. And I didn't know what to say or do to make us move forward. I didn't know how to get her to forgive me either. 

Panic struck me. 

What if she breaks up with me? I know it's a possibility she said it herself if she can't trust me she can't be with me. If I lose her I'll lose myself. She is my everything my happiness, my strength, my laughter, my motivation, she taught me how to love again. I can't lose her I won't. 

 Tears began to stream from my eyes again tears that I had thought I had run out of. I cried loud and uncontrollably snot rolling out of my nose. Unlike any other time I've cried in front of her she didn't comfort me, she didn't give me kind words, no pat on the back. She just stood there which just made it hurt even more. I felt so empty so lost.

"Please don't break up with me," I hiccuped. 

Silence

'Please," I whisper.

"Go shower and then come to the playroom," she says before walking away.

She leaves me there feeling cold and alone. She was just mere inches from me and I feel like she's on the other side of the world. I struggle to lift myself from the ground my heart feeling heavy enough to weigh my whole body down. 

I do as I'm told taking my own shower washing my tattered hair and the runny mascara that still smudged my face. I take off my clothes and walk slowly to the playroom when I get there Dylan is in a pair of leather pants, black boots, and a black beater her hair down. Holy Shit, she looks so sexy. Dylan is the epitome of my Dominant dreams. I want nothing more than to lick her all over while she fucks me here and calls me her slut. She says she is no longer a Dom but how can she say that when she looks like that?

I instantly fall to my knees in front of her lowering my head ready to obey.

She's quit towering over me allowing me to feel small and fragile beneath her tall and powerful frame. Her dominance fills the room and I'm filled with a need to please her. "What do you want from me Trinity?" she asks throwing me off.

 What does she mean by that? What do I want? Do I even have the right to make a request? What I want is for her to forgive me, I want her to touch me, kiss me, and love me, I want us back.