The Self-conscious Submissive

Album

-Monica

I decided to put mine and Trinity's kiss in my emotional chest to deal with later. I couldn't focus on the kiss, or what she said, and how it made me feel right now. I had to get ready for my first night at the club. I went through my clothes looking for something to wear. I had intentions of going shopping at some point today. But after talking to Trinity I kind of just came home and curled up in a ball and just didn't move. 

Now I'm here with a whole lot of nothing sexy to wear to a club that screams sex. All of a sudden I wished I had brought some of the outfits Dylan had got for me. But I didn't feel right taking clothes that she had got me and potentially wearing them for another Dom at some point. That's like where your x's hoodie is in front of your current it's just not right. 

I decided to try to makeshift something so I grabbed a bodysuit, a pair of scissors, and one of my long skirts and began snipping away. I cut slits across the body suit showing off parts of my breasts and cut my skirt low so that it showed off my legs. I pulled my outfit on over my chastity belt grateful the body suit would cover it. I went the the mirror and stared at myself trying to decide if I had succeeded or not. I cringed at the sight of me I cut too much up top I didn't mean to have my breast exposed this much. And the skirt of my dress felt so short my ass was everywhere. 

Oh God, what am I doing I can't go out in public like this. I took everything off and shoved it in my suitcase. I tried again putting on one of my sexier bras and a pair of my black shorts. But even that felt like it was too much. It was too much I was showing too much skin. The way the tops of my breasts were spilling out of my bra was. It was too much everybody was going to look at them. 

I put my hand on my head trying to silence my mind as my imagination ran wild all the stares, the judgment, and the laughter them pointing at my body. I was back in middle school when everybody was making fun of me for how I looked. How my body was so developed how I was already in a B-cup while other girls had just started wearing training bras. I was going to stand out every girl in there was going to be some sweet petite girl. Small chest and a little ass and here I was going to come with these huge breasts and wide hips with ass spilling out everywhere. 

God, what is wrong with me why can't I stop these irrational thoughts? I'm literally going somewhere where people dress like this on purpose. Some will be naked and yet my mind can only see them looking at me judging me. How did I do this before? How was I ok with this? I hate my body my huge breast scream slut and not in a good way. This is not cute or sexy. I dig through my drawers looking to find something better anything that would help me to blend in.

In my frustrations, I accidentally pulled out the photo album Trinity was so upset about. I sigh knowing how mad she was that I stole this. But she has to understand it's not good to just leave naked photos of yourself lying around. I pick it up off the ground cringing at the whole thought of its existence. An album full of my punishments, my failures as a submissive. More proof that I am the problem. A book full of reasons why it was better for me to leave than to stay and try to be a better submissive to Dylan. 

I wanted to destroy the whole thing to get rid of the evidence that it ever existed. But instead, I go to shove the album back in the draw when a paper falls out. An envelope with the words Kaijara on it. That's weird I never noticed that before. 

I took the envelope and the album walked over to the bed and sat down to see what it was. When I opened the envelope I saw a letter inside written in Dylan's handwriting. My heart began to tingle when I saw my name written on the front of it. 

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Kaijara,