The Self-conscious Submissive

Sir. Meyer's

-Monica

I chickened out. I was so full of anger and motivation to bust into Dylan's office and tell her exactly what I thought of her but when I got close to the Dynasty I ended up driving right past it and parking at the restaurant we used to eat lunch at. I thought about it on the way, maybe she wasn't cutting off my cards because she was showing me that I was still hers. Maybe it was because she was showing me that she realized I wasn't. I couldn't go there and find out that it was the latter. 

I couldn't decide if I was turned on or pissed that she had done it in the first place. I mean I know I should be mad but is that normal for me to be attracted to the fact that she would do that? Does that make me as sick as she is? But still, I removed my collar that was me telling her I was done with this. She promised me that she would never leave me without that I would always be safe financially even if we didn't work out. So why would she do this unless she really was the person I feared? 

 I couldn't make sense of any of it and I couldn't bring myself to face her. With nowhere else to go I sat in my car outside the restaurant taking in the smells of the delicious food willing the fumes to fill my growling stomach. Ugh, how long do you have to be homeless before you can stand outside on the street corner begging for money? Ugh no Monica you're not there yet just think, think of your next move. Where can I go with no money?

I sat there thinking until my brain shut off. A tap on my window startled me I popped my head up off the steering wheel and looked over at the window dazed. A police officer was outside my car frowning at me and waving me on. "Ma'am you can't sleep here. Move it along." I wasn't sleeping I was just thinking but whatever. I blinked at him taking in the darkened night sky. Woah when did it get dark out there?  I reach for the key to turn the car on put my hand on the steering wheel and notice it's wet. Eww, what is that is that? I wipe my lip and realize It's drool Ugh Oh God I really was asleep. I look at the clock and it's 8 pm. What time did I park here around 3? I slept in the parking lot for 5 hours in front of this restaurant. Oh my god, how many people saw me sleeping here like that? That's so dangerous and stupid come on Monica you can't do shit like that. 

I start my car and then turn it back off. Where am I going? I look at my gas gauge that's now sitting under a quarter tank of gas. I have to make a decision I can't drive around aimlessly anymore.

I pick up my phone to call, well I don't know who I'm going to call because none of my friends has called me back. I scroll through my phone feeling a pang of hurt when I see Trinity's name. She's the person I call when I land myself in these types of situations she talks me down from whatever mistake I've made and she usually ends up doing something crazy along with me. Like me leaving Dylan's house and running away if I would have called her in any other situations she would have left wherever she was and ran away with me. She would have gone along with my dumb plan that would eventually blow up in my face. But then somehow some way Dylan would have to save us both and Trinity would end up in trouble for it.

No, I can't call her. I've ruined things enough as it is. I scroll past her name I really am a bad friend. How did she and Dylan put up with me for so long I was always causing trouble for them. No wonder why Dylan cut me off. I get to the end of my contact list giving up on my search when Kaylan's name slides across my screen. Of course Kaylan! Why didn't I think of him a long time ago? I shuffled in my purse looking for his card I know I had his address written down somewhere where was it? Ah, here it is perfect.

I drive a long eliminated path surrounded by well-placed trees blocking the view of what's to come. I sat up in my seat to take it all in. I drove a few minutes longer until I arrived at an expansive mansion it was a stunning sight, with its towering columns, sweeping staircase, and numerous balconies overlooking the rolling hills. Holy shit this is where Kaylan lives?