The Self-conscious Submissive

Apology gone Wrong

-Jade

Yep that's right it's your friendly neighborhood Sex Symbol back at it again with another chapter. Hey, guess what? I heard the Author is finally going to give me my own book. How crazy is that? I mean about damn time right? Well since nothing's been set in stone let me make myself look hella interesting so I can convince her to continue my story.

Let's backtrack a little bit.

To the day I invited Dylan to hang out with me and our teammates. I didn't lie I did get distracted but it wasn't by a girl. Or well....

I found myself looking back at my college yearbook photos of me and the team. I was just a young budding Sex Symbol back then. I had decided to take the book to our meet-up so we could laugh about how bad we looked in the photos. But then I kind of got lost cruising down memory lane and went searching for more stuff. That's when I came across my necklace. 

A pendant necklace I got from Dylan back then. It was a simple 12' chained necklace with a record player pendant. It was nowhere near the most expensive piece of jewelry I had ever gotten. Yet receiving that necklace from her felt as extravagant as getting a diamond. Her giving me that stupid necklace was the first time I had felt seen as me, just Jade my whole life. With that one simple gift, that simple gesture the whole course of my life had changed. 

From there I zoned out looking back at pictures, letters, and memories of us. I did manage to shake myself out of it at some point but by then I couldn't bring myself to call her. There were just too many thoughts, too many memories, too many emotions swirling in my mind. 

I ended up going out with the team without her trying to distract myself, but they kept asking me about Dylan. So I finally took the risk to call more than sure she wasn't going to show up. I got told off and I couldn't even be mad about it. 

I mean yeah I still busted in her office with an attitude but that was only because I wanted to see her. I wanted to piss her off because It entertained me when she got annoyed with me. It worked she saw my attitude as soon as I walked in and she shut it down before I could even go in. I tried, but I had no leg to stand on I fucked up. I knew well enough that Dylan was hurt, I talked all the shit and judged her and then stood her up. She didn't deserve that but I didn't deserve the shit she talked back to me. I mean if she would have known the real reason why I didn't call then she would have understood. But I couldn't tell her. The only reason why we were able to work together was because we were over each other. If she thought even for a second that I felt something that would be over. So I was good with her assuming it was because I was just out hooking up. Classic Jade right?

But it's not my fault this all started getting stirred up. I mean she did have me play in her little game with Monica. That shit had me flashing back to our college days when the two of us use to. Actually you know what let me leave that for my Book. 

Let's come back to the present where Dylan tried to thank me for looking out for her with the Monica thing. Of course, I stopped her. I saw no point in her thanking me. We didn't do that. Dylan and I had our random moments when we were cool, Most of the time we butted heads, but we always always had each other's backs. It just happened whether we couldn't stand each other or not in that moment. We always made sure the other was good. So I saw no point in thanking me. I didn't care if she was going around throwing her appreciation at people I didn't want or need it. I was more than sure I'd do something to piss her off 10 seconds after she thanked me anyways. It's better to save her energy for the cuss-out vs a thank you.

But that's not why I left. The reason why I left was because of how she said she was going to re-collar Monica. I understood she had to do it but the way she was doing it felt Deja Vu as fuck and I couldn't stand there any longer listening. I planned to back out quietly and pretend like I had never heard it but of course, I broke that stupid baking dish I stole from Hazel. Once again I was running with my tail between my legs saying I had some chick I needed to hook up with when in reality I just needed to be anywhere but there.