Subject; LOVE

Subject;69

"SI FREYA... she's my ex-girlfriend." I was taken a back when he utter those words. Bumilis ang pagtibok ng aking puso dahil doon. Napatitig ako rito. I feel like all my strength just wiped out.

Ah, that's... explain why he looks so happy when I saw him with her... why he don't usually update me sometimes... the reason why he did not take off her hand... the reason of his sorry.

Whenever I saw them together... I always see in his eyes those emotions. The admiration... the happiness, and the longing... He was longing for her.

"I'm sorry..." He mumbled.

I only smile but that smile did not reach my eyes.

"N-nalilito ka? M-mahal mo pa? Nag... nagdadalawang isip ka... kung... b-babalikan mo sya?" I bit my lip. I ask him but I don't really want to hear his answer. It feels like, his answer will only cause pain in me.

I know, baby... but please, don't answer those questions...

Please... I don't want to hear your answers...

Don't hurt me. I'm your girlfriend right? Don't hurt me, please.

"Pan..." He utter my name. When I caught his eyes, I see pain.

Why are you hurting? Because you can't take her back because of me?

"Y-you want time, X-Xiever?" I ask softly. I immediately wipe the water in my cheek. Ano ba naman to, saan ba to galing? Bukas naman ang air-con ng kotse nya pero bakit pinagpapawisan ako? "I... I could give you that... hmm? Think... I'll give you space, pero sana sakin ka pa rin u-uuwi, ha? I'll... I will wait for you to come back to me, please? Sakin, ha?"

Hindi nakatakas sa aking mata ang luhang tumulo mula sa kanyang mga mata pababa sa kanyang pisngi.

"P-Pan... d-don't please? B-baby... natatakot ako, don't do this... s-sabi ko aayusin ko, diba? B-bare with me, please, wag ganito..." Sunod-sunod itong umiling. He want to hold my hand but I didn't let him.

"M-madudurog ako, Xiever... mauubos ako pag... pag-hindi ko to ginawa. You don't want to lose me but I will lose myself waiting for your progress..." I reach for his cheek and caress it. Pinatakan ko ng halik ang kanyang labi. Mahigpit na hinawakan nya ang aking kamay na nasa pisngi nya at pinagdikit ang aming mga noo. Tila ayaw akong malayo sa kanya.

"Pan... wag. P-pakiusap..." I gulp.

"One month, isang buwan Lix. I'll give you one month,  you're free on that time... hm? Hush, don't cry, sir Ramirez..." Nakita kong umawang ang ibabang labi nito dahil sa tinawag ko sa kanya. Mas lalong bumuhos ang luha nito.

"Please..."

"P-papasok na ako, ha? drive safely. Hmm?" Nakangiting saad ko.

"N-no... s-stay, Pan..."

"I'm happy that you became mine... find yourself, first.  Okay?" I whisper. "I love you, baby..." Mariin itong napapikit dahil sa narinig.

"P-Pan—"

"Bye, sir..." I whispered before leaving his car. Tinawag pa ako nito pero dire-diretso akong pumasok sa gate. Hindi ko pinansin si Ciajane na makasalubong ko sa pasilyo ng bahay. I walk fast to my room.

The moment I close the door of my room, I rested my back at the door. Doon na sunod-sunod na tumulo ang aking luha. Napadausdos ako pababa hanggang sa sumalampak ako sa sahig.

  
      
   
   
   
   
   
***

   
   
   
   
   
   
  
HE WAS happy. Happy... without me. I saw it. Simula nung binigyan ko sya ng space, palagi ko na silang nakikitang magkasama. Palagi rin itong nagse-send ng message sa akin, but I ignored it sometimes. Are you having a progress? I'm still waiting. Sana may bumalik pa, ano?