Subject; LOVE

Subject;98

"W-WAIT... y-you remember me?" Tanong nito na tila ngayon lamang naproseso ng kanyang isip ang lahat. Lumayo ito sa akin kaya napaayos ako ng tayo. Fuck, I think I need to explain again to her what her brother order me to do.

"Pan... "

"You have selective amnesia, at kailangan ng sapat na panahon para maalala mo ang ilang taon ng memorya mo na nawala sayo... bakit... p-pano..." She was trying to make sense about it. While me, I'm fucking nervous right now! What if she gets mad again and leave me here?

"Answer me, Xiever! Bakit mo ako naaalala kung labing-apat na taon ang nawala sa alaala mo?!" Sigaw nitong tanong sa akin. I took a deep breath and try to speak calm.

"I always remember you, Pan. Kahit kailan hindi kita kinalimutan." Mahinahon kong sambit.

"Tangina..." She curse and cover her face with her hands.

"Pan, listen please..."

"You fooled me again?"

"That's not what I meant to do. Please, let's talk calmly. I'll explain everything you want. Please, calm down, baby." I said as I try to calm her down. Huminga ito ng malalim bago ako tingnan ng diretso sa aking mga mata. I lick my own lips before speaking.

"I don't have selective amnesia, I clearly remember what happened between us before I got hit by the car." Panimula ko. Dahil hindi ko pinuputol ang aming tingin ay nakita ko kung pano dumaan ang pagkadismaya sa kanyang mata. "You might think that I did it on purpose but... nagawa ko lang yon dahil sayo. I don't want to see you cry anymore, dahil doble ang balik non sa akin. Every night I pray to god for your happiness, and because of that accident, that's the only way I know that time. To ease the pain in your heart. That's why I pretend that I don't know you... that I didn't remember you. And you think that's fucking easy for me? Baby, no. You don't know how much I wanted to jump off the bed and just hug you, lalo na nung makita ko ang sakit sa mata mo ng sabihin ng doktor ang kalagayan ko." Bigla itong umiwas ng tingin kaya napayuko ako. I secretly wipe my tears.

"I hate you." Three words but I it's like a dagger that cuts my heart into pieces.

"I know..."

"I want to be mad at you..." She utter. "D-do I looked like a damn toy to you, Xiever? Bakit parang ang dali lang sayong paikutin ako? Ganon ba ako kauto-uto ha?" Tanong nito at nang hindi ako sumagot ay sinabunutan nito ang kanyang sarili.

"Tangina gusto kong magalit sayo pero hindi ko magawa dahil mahal kita!" She shouted as she fell on the floor while sobbing. I immediately went to her to help her stand but she slapped my hand.

"Don't fucking touch me!" She snapped at me but I didn't listen. I hugged her tight.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry..." I whisper in her ear. Pilit itong kumakawala sa yakap ko.

"I hate you! Umalis ka! Lumayo ka sakin! T-tama na pakiusap." She cried hard while pushing me.

"Please, don't push me, Pan. I-I'm sorry... I will make it up with you, just don't push me, please. I can't leave you like this..." Sambit ko at mas lalo itong humagulhol.

"Please, if you're planning on leaving me, leave now." She said in her crack voice. My whole body felt stiffed after hearing that. I shook my head.

"No, I won't leave you anymore, baby. Just give me a chance, aayusin ko. Aayusin ko tayo. Give to me all the pain you're enduring." Saad ko sa garalgal kong boses. I felt her slowly hugging me back.

"P-please..."

"Hush... I-i won't leave anymore." I assure her.

Minutes later, kumalma ito. And when I check on her, she's already sleeping. I stare at her face. Basang-basa ang magkabilang pisngi nito dahil sa luha, magulo ang buhok dahil sa pagsabunot nito sa sarili kanina. Her breathing was calm. I removed the few strand of her hair.

"If you give me a chance, I will make it up with you. I will talk to your dad and to your kuya. Forgive me for my mistakes, baby. I'm willing to wait until you forgive me. I will strive for your forgiveness." I said and kiss her temple. "I'll always love you. Remember that you are my white light, you are the reason why my world became colorful."

Binuhat ko ito at ihiniga sa kama. After I secured that she's comfortable, agad akong nagbihis at kinuha ang aking cell phone na nakapatong sa mini table sa gilid ng kama. I order food before going to the veranda to call someone.

"Xie..." Bungad ng nasa kabilang linya na aking tinawagan.

"Why?" I ask firmly. I heard him sigh. He knows how I feel right now. Tila inaasahan na nitong tatawag ako sa kanya kapag nakausap ko na si Pan.

"Calm down—"

"Why, Phoenix?! Bakit mo sya hinayaang pumunta rito?! I told you I don't want to hurt her anymore! Fuck!" I burst. "I thought you don't want to see her in pain too?"

"Leaving her will still hurt her, big time, Xiever. At kahit hindi nya sabihin ay alam kong nangungulila sya saiyo. I told you, I only want for my sisters is their happiness. Isa pa, may anak kayo. Your son is growing, maghahanap at maghahanap yan ng ama. Take a good care of my sister, Xiever. Huli na iyang pakiusap ko. Kapag nasaktan syang muli dahil sayo, swear, you won't see even her shadow. I'll talk to her later, I will call you again." He said before ending the call.

HAPON na ng magising ito. Nakaupo ako sa single sofa na narito sa hotel room ng makita kong bumangon ito.

"Lix?" Mariin akong napapikit ng marinig ko ang tinawag nito sa akin. When I look at her, my eyes soften when I saw her puffy eyes.

Agad akong tumayo at nilapitan ito.

"Do you need anything, baby? Hm?" Malambing kong tanong. Naupo ako sa dulo ng kama upang pantayan ang muka nito. I saw her gulp. Then she look down.

"Sorry..."

"Hey, you don't have to say sorry. Hm? Stop saying sorry when you didn't do anything bad." Mahina kong saad. Umiling iling ito.

"Hindi... Sorry sa mga nasabi ko kanina at nung araw na iyon." I sigh and hold her chin.

"Look at me." I command. Which she obey. "Stop it. I feel more bad that you're always saying sorry."

"Pero kasi..."

"Shh, are you calm now? Hm? Can we talk again?" Tanong ko. She nod slowly. Kaso naalala ko na hindi pa pala ito kumakain. "But... You eat first, hindi ka pa kumakain simula nung magising ka." Ani ko.

Tumango ulit ito kaya hinalikan ko ito sa kanyang sintido bago umalis sa kama. I went to the small table. Kinuha ko yung in-order ko kanina at inilagay iyon sa microwave. Good thing this hotel has a mini fridge, microwave, coffee maker and others.

Hinahanda ko ang kakainin nya ng makita itong bumangon sa kama at lumapit sa gawi ko. I look at her and gesture her to take a sit. Sumunod naman ito.

"Here, careful, it's hot." Ani ko habang dahan-dahang nilalagay sa kanyang harapan ang ininit kong pagkain.

"I-Ikaw? Have you eaten?" She ask. I smile gently.

"I'm full." Sagot ko dito at naupo sa isang upuan sa may gilid nya. I watch her eat and sometimes, I'll pour water in her glass so she won't bother to do it when she needs water.