Subject; LOVE

Subject;92

"N-nalilito ka? M-mahal mo pa? Nag... nagdadalawang isip ka... kung... b-babalikan mo sya?" She ask. Natahimik ako sa mga tanong nya. Mahal ko pa? Did I really still love her? Naguguluhan ako. Ayokong nakikita si Pan na nasasaktan but I always found myself beside Freya. Ano ba talagang nararamdaman para kay Pan? I gulp.

"Pan..." I look at her eyes at nakita ko ang mata nito pinanggigiliran na ng luha. Seeing her cry was the last thing that I wanted to see.

"Y-you want time, X-Xiever?" She asked in a monotone. Nakita ko kung pano nya punasan agad ang luhang tumulo sa pisngi nya. "I... I could give you that... hmm? Think... I'll give you space, pero sana sakin ka pa rin u-uuwi, ha? I'll... I will wait for you to come back to me, please? Sakin, ha?"

Pakiramdam ko ay sinasaksak ako ng milyon-milyon na maliliit na kutsilyo sa puso ko ng marinig iyon.

'Fuck! Don't do this, baby...'

"P-Pan... d-don't please? B-baby... natatakot ako, don't do this... s-sabi ko aayusin ko, diba? B-bare with me, please, wag ganito..." I said as I tried to hold her hand but she's avoiding my touch. Nanlumo ako sa ginawa nyang pagiwas.

"M-madudurog ako, Xiever... mauubos ako pag... pag-hindi ko to ginawa. You don't want to lose me but I will lose myself waiting for your progress..." She whispered as she kissed my lips. I hold her hand tightly and rest my forehead on hers. My breath was heavy.

"Pan... wag. P-pakiusap..." I gulp.

"One month, isang buwan Lix. I'll give you one month, you're free on that time... hm? Hush, don't cry, sir Ramirez..." My lips parted when I heard what she call me. She call me sir Xiever... is she giving up on me?

"Please..." I plead as my tears flows through my eyes.

"P-papasok na ako, ha? drive safely. Hmm?" Umayos ito ng pagkakaupo.

"N-no... s-stay, Pan..."

"I'm happy that you became mine... find yourself, first. Okay?" Bulong nya. "I love you, baby..." I close my eyes tightly to stop my tears from flowing more. She loves me...

"P-Pan-"

"Bye, sir..." Huling sambit nito bago sya lumabas ng kotse. I was too weak to follow her... I was too weak to stop her... I'm too weak to keep her.

"XIEVER, if you keep being like this, wala sa sarili lagi kapag nagtuturo, always hotheaded to your students and late, I'm sorry pero baka mawalan ka ng trabaho." The dean said isang araw ng ipatawag ako ni Mr. San Diego sa office nya. I lowered my gaze. "Mayroon pang nakakita sayo na naninigarilyo ka raw dito? Mabuti na lang na guard lang yung nakakita sayo but worst? Going to school under the influence of the liquor. You're a teacher, Mr. Ramirez. You should be the first model for the students. But what are you doing? What happened to you? If you have a problem in your personal life, please, don't dragged it here inside the school."

Nakayuko akong lumabas ng dean's office pagkatapos akong kausapin ng dean. I sigh as I walk to my office. Three weeks had passed na pilit kong pinakikisamahan si Freya. Sa loob ng tatlong linggong iyon ay hindi ko man lang maka-usap si Pan. I always message and call her but I don't get any response to her. I missed my baby...

Dumaan ako sa cafeteria para tingnan kung nandoon sya at hindi naman ako nabigo dahil kaagad ko syang nakita kasama ang pinsan nya. Gaya ng mga nakaraan ay tahimik ito. Kahit na kinakausap sya ng mga kaibigan nya ay tanging tango at iling lang ang sagot nya sa mga ito. I licked my lower lip.

'Uuwi ako sayo, Pan... I did what you told me, and I realized that I don't love her anymore...'

"Lix! What the dean's said?" Napaangat ako ng tingin sa nagsalita. It was Freya. Nakatayo ito sa gilid ng pinto ng aking opisina. Probably, waiting for me.