The Divorce

Chapter 92: How To Explain

Nagkukumahog na pumasok sa loob ng silid si Samantha. Marahan niyang isinarado ang pintuan ng kwarto nila at kinakabahan na nilapitan niya si Arem na nakaupo sa double size bed.

Sa totoo lang ay hindi malaman ni Samantha kung saan ilalagay ang mga paa at kamay niya.

Hindi niya alam kung ano rin ang unang sasabihin.

Wala naman siyang alam sa pakikipag-relasyon. Lahat ng mga kaalaman niya ay nakita niya lang sa ibang tao, napanuod sa TV at nabasa sa libro. Kung personal experience ang pag-uusapan.

Well, bokya siya!

Hindi naman sila nagkita sa personal noon ng ex niya. Mas madalas sa telepono lang sila mag-usap. At mas madalas pa, puro pang-uuto lang galing sa lalaking 'yun ang natatanggap ni Samantha.

Never silang nag-away. Never silang nagtalo.

Kaya ngayong nandito na siya sa ganitong sitwasyon, hindi malaman ni Samantha kung ano ba ang dapat gawin.

Samantha takes a deep breath.

Naupo siya sa kama isang dipa ang layo mula kay Arem. Nanatili itong walang kibo.

Marahang hinila ni Samantha ang laylayan ng suot nitong t-shirt.

"T-talk to me," nakikiusap sa anas ni Samantha.

Hindi niya gusto ang ganitong pakiramdam. Na para bang nawawala sa tamang direksyon ang isipan niya at hindi niya alam kung ano ang dapat gawin at iisipin.

She suddenly remembers her time when she was still with the Dela Vega family, every single move she made and the decision she took was carefully planned. She never made a single misstep in front of her foster parents—not one. The thought of being seen as incompetent or worthless pressed down on her like heavy stone, and the fear of disappointing them cut deeper. After all, she wasn’t biologically theirs, she always felt that she had to earn her place under their roof. There were days when she’d stand frozen, trying to guess what would make them smile, what would prove she deserved to stay. But sometimes, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t seem to find the right way to please them.

But now, with Arem—this was different. She wanted to be real with him, to strip away all the masks she had worn for so long. She just wanted to be herself. She yearned for the two of them to sit face to face, to speak honestly and look into each other’s eyes without holding back.

The thought of letting him down twisted her stomach into tight knots.

Pero ang mas masaklap ay ang kaisipan na bigla na lang itong magbabago kapag nakagawa siya ng bagay na hindi nito gusto.

Samantha holds Arem's clothes tightly.

The mere idea of him looking at her with anything less than warmth makes her feel lost. Samantha was terrified he’d pull away, that once he saw something awful about her, he’d stop seeing her altogether—and the thought of losing the one person she’d dared to be true with felt like drowning in darkness.

Huminga ng malalim si Samantha. Pilit na pinapakalma ang sarili.

Hindi mawala sa isipan niya ang mukha ni Arem kanina habang nasa pintuan. Gustuhin man niyang magpaliwanag, kung hindi naman ito makikinig, anong magiging silbi.

Sumusukong binitawan niya ang damit nito. Kaya naman niyang mag-sorry. Kaya niyang humingi ng pasensiya. Pero kung bibigyan siya nito ng cold shoulder treatment, anong laban niya doon?

"K-kausapin mo na lang ako kapag g-gusto mo na akong kausap. Magluluto lang ako ng hapunan," ani Samantha sa mahinang tinig.

Pakiramdam niya ay nagme-mental block siya.

Hindi niya alam kung paano ito aamuin.

Hindi niya alam kung paanong pagpapaliwanag ang gagawin dito.

At mas lalong hindi niya na rin alam kung paano pa ba ang tamang pagkilos na gagawin sa harapan nito.

Samantha suddenly felt so little.

This man is distinguished by both striking physical features and exceptional professional capability. With his composed demeanor, refined appearance, and proven track record of achieving notable success in his field, he embodies qualities that many find compelling. As a result, any woman he might desire would likely be readily drawn to him, not only by his presence but also by the confidence and competence he demonstrates in all aspects of his life.

Eh siya?

Ano bang panlaban niya?

Ang pamilya nitong tinulungan niya ng iilang buwan?

He can easily pay for that. Really.

Ang sinasabi nitong feelings nito para sa kanya?

She's not so sure about that. Because she's not someone as capable as him. Even her origin is questionable. And...

Basta maraming wala siya na meron ang ibang babae na posibleng matagpuan nito. Kaya naman walang kompyansa si Samantha para sa sarili.

Tuluyan nang tumayo si Samantha. Kahit na nanlalambot ang kanyang nga tuhod ay pinilit niyang tumayo ng hindi bumubuway. Hindi na rin siya tumingin pa kay Arem. Wala siyang lakas ng loob na makitang disappointed ito sa kanya. Baka hindi niya kayanin. Mas mabuti pang lumabas na lang siya at lumanghap ng hangin sa labas.

Baka sakaling makapag-isip pa siya ng maayos.

If he is mad, then let him be mad. Wala naman siyang magagawa kung hindi ang tanggapin iyon.

Kahit na sa totoo lang, hindi niya alam kung ano bang mali sa ginawa niya. Hindi niya rin naman alam kung paano magpapaliwanag kaya nag-guilty si Samantha na hindi niya maintindihan.

Marahan lang ang unang hakbang na ginawa ni Samantha. Hindi pa siya  nakakadalawang hakbang noong may bigla na lang humila sa kanya.

Suddenly, warm arms wrapped around her thin, tense shoulders—pulling her so close she could feel the steady beat of his heart against her cheek. Even with how weak he still was, his hold was firm, like he was trying to press all his care into every inch of her frame. His fingers traced soft, small circles on her back, and she could feel the warmth of his skin seeping through her shirt.

"Are you not even going to talk to me first?" he said, his voice was low and cracked with pain. It wasn’t angry—just sad, like he’d already lost something. "Why were you trying to slip away before I could even talk to you?" He asked in a soft tone.

Samantha’s throat tightened, and hot tears pricked at her eyes, she tried so hard not to cry.

Hindi naman siya iyakin.

At isa pa, ano bang dapat iyakan?

But unlucky for her the tears fell down on their own. Her words came out in a broken whisper, each one feeling like a heavy weight deep within her chest. "I’m not slipping away… I just… I'm just scared you’d look at me and see exactly what I’ve always been afraid of. S-someone not good enough. Then you’ll decide you don’t want me anymore." Her hands curled into tight fists against his chest, as doing that could keep him from pulling away.

It was her first time falling in love. Every feeling was so enormous it felt like it might swallow her whole.

She had spent years trying to be perfect for people who weren’t even her own family, wasted years in trying to make a long distance relationship work out, but with Arem, it was different. Samantha didn’t know how to be soft or open or brave enough to let someone see the messy, scared parts of her… and the thought that he might not like her anymore made her chest ache so much she could barely breathe.

"Fool," mahinang sita ni Arem. Punong-puno ng pait ang boses.

A/N:

Hindi ko alam anong meron, pang-ilang chapter ko na ba 'to ngayong araw? Sana araw araw ganito kasipag self!