Rule Number One

Chapter 33.2 : Changes

Casey's POV

I was just sitting here. Hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa isip ko at pumayag akong makipag-usap kay Stefan ng makiusap siya sa akin. I admit it, wala na akong feelings sa kanya. But it still hurts knowing that after so many years that I tried to move on, and when I finally did, tyaka naman siya babalik at ipapaalala sa akin ang sakit. For me, he is just a nightmare I want to forget. A nightmare I want to bury forever.

"I'm sorry," was all he can say. Hindi ako sumagot ng sabihin niya yun at pinaglaruan lang ang buhangin sa may paanan ko. Were at the playground inside the campus. Usually puro elementary ang nandito but he dicided to go here kaya sumama ako.

"I admit it, I was a jerk. I was afraid before. Naduwag ako sa kung anong mangyayari sa atin sa future. And I used my dream para makawala sayo. I became a coward and that's what I regret the most. Because of my fear, dalawang importanteng tao ang nawala sa akin. You and Arraine. I just wish I can go back so I could change everything."

Saglit na kumurba ang labi ko dahil sa sinabi niya.

"Let's just face it. In a short period of time, anything can change. I'm sorry Stefan, but everything aren't what they used to be. People change, and so does me. I can't push myself to forgive you that fast. I admit it too, galit padin ako sayo. Kasi ang tanga mo. Kasi napaka-duwag mo. But what can I do right? Nangyari na, at wala na tayong magagawa dun. I accepted it years ago, and I hope that you learn to accept it too."

Tumayo ako sa pagkakaupo ko sa swing at inilahad ang kamay ko sa harapan niya. "Friends?"

It took seconds bago niya iangat ang ulo niya at ngumiti sa akin. He extend his hand and shook mine bago tumayo. "Friends."

And finally, after how many years, nakita ko ulit na sumilay ang ngiti sa kanya. Yung ngiti na umabot hanggang mata niya. Yung ngiti na alam kong totoo. I suddenly felt ease at my heart. I know learing to accept the reality is hard, I've been there. Pero diba, paano ka makakapag-move on sa isang bagay kung paulit-ulit mo lang inaalala ang alaala niyong dalawa. If you know that there is no chance, move on. Kahit mahirap gawin mo, dahil sa huli, ikaw lang din ang masasaktan at iiyak. Kung alam mong wala ng patutunguhan pa yung relasyon niyo, itigil mo na. Kung wala ng pag-asa, bumitaw ka na. Dahil sa huli, ikaw lang mag-isa. Ikaw lang ang maiiwan at magmumukhang-tanga.

"But, can I be selfish just for the last time?" I look at him and raised a brow. Selfish?

Hindi pa man ako nakakasagot ay hinila na niya ako at niyakap ng mahigpit. Nanlaki ang mata ko dahil sa ginawa niya at hindi ako nakagalaw. Narinig ko rin siyang bumuntong hininga.

"I still love you Casey Cellestial. And altough it hurts, I will obey you. I will move on. Kahit na alam kong masasaktan lang ako, I will move on. You're right, if something isn't really for you, you have to let it go. Kahit masakit, kailangan mong bumitaw."

Tinapik ko ang balikat niya at hinayaan lang siyang ilabas lahat ng hinanakit niya. Seeing him like this hurts me alot, kahit na alam kong wala naman akong kasalanan, I feel guilty of what's happening to him. And that's when I realized something.