Double Down Demons (A Ghost Adventures/Zak Bagans Story)

Chapter 71: Fighting fear

Zak comes through the front door clutching a number of carrier bags in his left hand.

"Sweetie, sorry I was so long I got lo...st" His voice trails off as he sees me slumped in front of the computer my head resting on the table awkwardly. He drops the bags ad rushes towards me. "Tracy? Oh my god! Tracy what's wrong?" He yells as he shakes me by the shoulders.

"Huh? What? Where's the fire?" I mumble as I come to, lifting my head and rubbing my eyes. "Oh hey you're back." I smile sleepily, stretching the crick out of my neck and rolling my shoulders.

"Jesus Tracy, you fucking scared me to death! I thought you'd been hurt or something." He sounds angry but grabs a hold of me and pulls me roughly to his chest.

"S...sorry," I stutter, trying to talk as he squeezes me a bit too tight and still being mindful of his mood swings. "I was so drained I put my head down to rest for a minute, I must have fallen asleep." Not saying a word he reaches around me and picks something up from the table, he pushes me away and dangles it on his finger with it swinging between us. My hand flies to my neck to find it bare, he has my rosary.

"What the fuck Tracy? You took it off again? Why the hell would you do that?" He yelled as he hangs the beads over my head.

"Zak, I didn't take them off the first time just as I didn't this time! Exactly, why the hell WOULD I do that?" I'm scared of both having lost my protection for the second time that day and the fierceness of Zak's reaction.

"Well how in the hell does it find itself placed neatly on the other side of the table huh?" He accuses me angrily.

"I don't know, maybe its just a particularly neat fucking demon!" I shout back not able to take his misplaced anger any longer. "Seriously Zak will you chill the fuck out!"

"Chill out? Chill out?! Anything could have happened to you!" He continues to yell at me. "Don't be so fucking complacent for fuck's sake, this is serious!"

"Nothing did happen though did it Zak? And I'm not being complacent I'm just trying to stay calm and live my life and get all this sorted when in fact I'm shit fucking scared! I wouldn't have taken them off. Jesus Zak! I wear it in the god damn shower even! So please," I quieten down, losing the will to fight. "Please can you give me a break, I'm only just about holding it together here." I bite my lip willing myself not to cry. As I watch I see the instantaneous change in Zak as though a mist clears from his eyes.

"Oh god sweetie! I'm sorry, I was scared and I've been feeling so angry and I don't know why. I shouldn't take it out on you, I didn't mean to, you know that don't you?" I nod, not trusting myself to be able to hold back the tears if I were to open my mouth. "I'm scared too, I'm terrified that you're gonna get hurt again." He admits quietly. Before I can respond I find myself back in his familiar embrace, I cling to him breathing deeply determined to keep it together for his sake and soaking up the safety that I always feel when I'm in his arms. With a small sniffle I pull away and try to read his expression. He looks sad and afraid and yet there is still a golden spark of anger in those eyes that I know and love. I take his hands and give them a reassuring squeeze.

"I think I've found out why you feel that way, why it's all happening." I almost whisper, afraid of what the consequences might be of me speaking it out loud. "You better get comfortable."