Luke's Diary: An unlucky man in a zombie apocalypse. Days 601 - 756

Day 660: Sunday 17th June 2018

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Day 660
Sunday 17th June 2018

It's been another tense day.

We're all still in the house and the kids still aren't back. Trudy is furious; she's really on edge. "This is f*cking stupid!" she shouted as she was erratically pacing around the living room, "I mean why are we all just stood in here when that psycho's out there with our kids. Luke, I know you've only just found out Leo is your son, but he is still your son." "Trudy, we've talked about this," said Tara, "We need you here when Richard comes back with the kids." "I can't just sit here and do nothing," a frustrated Trudy, "Esther don't you want to get your son back?" "Does she f*ck," exclaimed TJ, "She gave him away to Polly Pizza face." "F*ck off TJ," snapped an angry Esther, "I'm not going to stand here and listen to what an irresponsible w*nker like you has to say about being a parent." "I didn't give my kid away," said TJ, flippantly. "You might as well have done," said Esther, "Can you even remember what your kids are called? And as for Dotty, she looked after your kids and now she's dead so have some f*cking respect." "We shouldn't be arguing amongst ourselves," said Tara, "We need to come up with a plan and I think I have one." We all turned and looked at Tara. "Well go on then," said a blunt Trudy. "Well I think it's fair to say that Richard is going to come back here with the kids and expect to be given me, Naomi and Mike." "Yeah we know all that sh*t," said Trudy, "Get to the plan." "Well Naomi's not here so there's nothing we can do about that," said Tara, "But I think we can get him to hand the kids over and leave without me or Mike." "How!?" Trudy loudly asked, "Will you get to the f*cking point!?" "We pretend to be dead," said Tara. A short confusing pause followed. "Come again?" I said. "Think about it," said Tara, "TJ pretended to be dead and it worked." "I don't know if I can pretend to be dead and lay still for too long," said Mike, "I'll need to pick my nose and scratch my arse." "We don't need to do exactly what TJ did," said Tara, "We just need to hide while this lot tell Richard that we're dead." "That's not going to work," exclaimed TJ. "I hate to say this Tara," I said, "But I agree with TJ. Richard will just search the house until he finds you." "Then we'll just have to make sure he doesn't find us," said Tara, "And maybe give him a reason not to search too hard." "What do you mean?" asked TJ. "We dig some graves and then fill them in and make it look like we're buried in there," said Tara, "Richard won't hang around if he thinks we're dead." "Why are we pandering to that tw*t Richard?" asked an angry Trudy, "He's killed Dotty and Ollie, kidnapped our kids and given us nothing but sh*t ever since we met him. The second we see him I think we should just stab him in the neck." "Yeah I'm with Trudy," said Mike, "Let's slaughter the filthy little piggy." "Use your brain for God's sake," said Esther, "Dotty said he had a rocket launcher. Anyway he won't just turn up and hand the kids over without us handing you over." "Exactly," said Tara, "I know we're all angry but the important thing is that we get the kids back." "Once we get the kids back we can kill him then though can't we?" said Mike. "The second I get my sons back I'm going to rip his head off," said Trudy. "And I'm going to stab him in the head after what he did to Dotty," said Esther. "Look if we're going to have a competition about who's got more reason to kill Richard, I think you'll all find that I'll win," said Tara, "But right now we just have to do what we can to get the kids back and get to The Base. In case you've all forgotten my boyfriend is there and if we carry on like this I'll be a pensioner by the time I see him. So this is what we're going to do."

Tara explained her plan and we started putting it into action. We dug two extra graves next to Ollie's and Dotty's and then filled them in to make it look like Tara and Mike were buried in them. We agreed to set up a watch so that someone was always looking out of the living room window keeping an eye out for Richard. "The second he arrives we all need to get together and present as a united front," said Tara, "Me and Mike will hide and you guys need to talk to Richard, tell him that you don't want any trouble and that you just want the kids back. I know he's a b*stard but it's really important you don't lose your temper.  Take him out back, show him the graves, get the kids and then hopefully he'll go." "Lovely," said TJ, "You and our Mike hide while we're dealing with that psycho who MIGHT HOPEFULLY give us the kids back and leave IF he believes you and Mike are dead." "Have you got a better idea?" asked Tara. TJ said nothing. "I didn't think so," said Tara. So that's the plan.

Later in the day I was sat on the back porch when TJ came and joined me. I wasn't in the mood for him. "What do you want?" I bluntly said. "Just thought I'd have a chat with you," said TJ, "Give you some tips on fatherhood." "Are you taking the p*ss?" I said, "Me taking fatherhood tips off you. That's like
Mahatma Gandhi taking humanitarian tips off Hitler." "You're delusional Nanna," said TJ, "You're nothing like Gandhi. He wouldn't chuck his muck up the wicked witch of the west and get her pregnant. Mind you, like I said yesterday, I can't believe your acorn sized c*ck produced enough spunk to get the job done. I wouldn't have thought you'd of been able to produce enough jizz to make a mess never mind make a baby. Poor Leo though eh? I mean what chance has he got with parents like you and Cruella? With a face like yours and personality like hers what's he going to end up as? A tax inspector?" "Sorry," I said, frowning with annoyance, "Did you say this was meant to be tips on fatherhood, because if it is, they're sh*t." Trudy then appeared. "What's this?" Trudy asked, "Cr*p Dad's club?" "That's not fair," I said, "I'm not like this pr*ck." "Really?" said Trudy, "Do you want to get Leo back? Do you want to be a Dad to him?" There was an awkward pause. I didn't know what to say. "You're just as bad as this big b*llock," said Trudy, pointing to TJ. "Give me a break, Trudy," I said, "I've only just found out I'm Dad. I don't know how I feel about it. TJ's had ages to get used to the idea." "You just make sure you're there for your son," said Trudy, "And make sure you do the right thing and help me when it comes to dealing with Richard?" "What does that mean?" I asked. "It means we need to kill Richard," said Trudy. "Tara said we should focus on getting the kids back." "Yeah," said Trudy, "That's the important thing. I want the kids back, but once we've got them back, I want Richard dead. Are you with me?" I wasn't sure what to say. There was a short pause. "Well?" asked Trudy. "I'm in," said TJ. "Luke?" asked Trudy. "Yeah OK," I reluctantly said, "But let's just focus on getting the kids back first."

I've avoided Esther for most of the day. After yesterday's tense confrontation I thought it was best. She's such a selfish, egotistical b*tch. Why can't she just say sorry, hold her hands up and admit that she's made a mistake? I know we need to make an effort with each other but I'm still p*ssed off with her and I'm really annoyed that now we have a child together we'll always be tied to each other. Annoying! I'm wondering when Richard is going to return with the kids? I feel tense and anxious about the thought of coming face to face with the vicious thug again but I'm also tense and anxious about the thought of coming face to face with my son. MY SON! I can't believe I have a son. I still don't think it's fully sunk in. I have a son . . . . ! With Esther. I don't know how I feel about seeing Leo and looking at him, now knowing he's my son. I just hope I can be a good Dad, but before that I need to make sure Richard actually gives us the kids back and that he doesn't end up killing me . . .