Luke's Diary: An unlucky man in a zombie apocalypse. Days 601 - 756

Day 670: Wednesday 27th June 2018

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Day 670
Wednesday 27th June 2018

A very depressing day.

Trudy has spent most of the day looking depressed and starring into space. I don't know what I can say to make her feel better.

Esther's also looked a bit down today. I suppose bon of us are in a jolly mood, but I asked her if she wanted me to talk and she just told me to leave her alone. F*cking charming, I thought. That's the last time I'm nice to her the miserable moody b*tch.

TJ's been telling Auntie Meryl some sh*t about how he once bummed Paula Radcliffe up the arse. The thing is Auntie Meryl got confused (shock, horror!) and thought TJ was talking about Daniel Radcliffe. "You dirty b*stard," she said, "He's only a little boy. Now there's nothing wrong with being gay but liking little boys is something else." "No, I'm on about the long distance runner," said TJ. "Well you'd be running long distances if you had Dementors chasing after you," said Auntie Meryl. What followed was a long winded conversation which included TJ desperately trying to convince Auntie Meryl he was straight, and Auntie Meryl saying there's nothing wrong with being gay and that he should come out of the closet. Part of me thought this was funny and I did envoy seeing TJ squirm but none of us are really in a humorous mood.

Parrissa has been getting on my nerves, as have the bl**dy clones; they're everywhere – they've been driving me mad. There's too many of them in the house and to be honest I want them gone but I don't think Mia would be happy if I suggested chucking them out.

Speaking of Mia she has also been driving me mad. She said she thought Keith Floyd and Sigmund Feud were the same person. "My Mum had all his books," she said, "A very clever man." "He was indeed," I said, thinking she was referring to Freud. "My Mum used to say he made a smashing Chicken Korma," said Mia. "That's Keith Floyd, you daft cow," I snapped. So frustrating. She asked Nicola if she wanted to see her clunge which caused Nicola to raise her eyebrows, drop her stick and spit out her water.

Speaking of water, we are running out. It's getting to the point where we're going to have to do something about this and start talking about who's going to go out to look for supplies.