Luke's Diary: An unlucky man in a zombie apocalypse. Days 601 - 756

Day 719: Wednesday 15th August 2018

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Day 719
Wednesday 15th August 2018

Well I made a complete tit of myself today didn't I and I ended up finding something out that really shocked me which lead on to something even more unexpected happening. Right now, I'm so p*ssed off, fed up and confused.

I woke up feeling rather smiley and positive and everyone noticed. "What's up with your face?" said Trudy, "You look like you've farted after thinking you were going to sh*t yourself." "Well what can I say?" I said with a cheery look on my face, "I'm just grateful to be alive." TJ and Trudy looked confused and irritated. "Are you on smack?" said Trudy. "I'm just happy," I said in a cheery tone, "I'm surrounded by lovely people and life is good." "You what?" said a confused and annoyed TJ. "You're surrounded by d*ckheads, and life is sh*t," said a blunt Trudy. "Well I've got a feeling that things are going to get better," I said.

Later in the morning I was walking around the zoo with Leo when Naomi came up to me with Sophie. "OK," she confidently said, "What's going on?" "What do you mean?" I asked. "Well, not that it's not nice to see you smiling and being happy like this, but it's weird. We're used to seeing you being a miserable git walking around the place like you've got a slapped arse." "Well maybe things are going to change," I said with a smile on my face, "Maybe things are about to get a lot happier round here?" Naomi looked at me with gentle curiosity. I grabbed her arm, took her to one side and told her everything. "I think me and Caroline are going to get back together," I quietly said with excitement. "Back together?" said a confused Naomi. "Yeah," I said, with a big smile on my face, "It's what we both want." "You've spoke to her about this?" asked Naomi. "No, not really," I said, "But she's been dropping some pretty big hints, and after yesterday there's no doubt in my mind that she wants us to get back together." "Hang on Luke," said Naomi, "Calm down. What makes you think she wants to get back together with you?" "She touched me on my shoulder," I said with a cheesy grin. Naomi raised her eyebrow and looked unimpressed. "Yeah, OK," I said, "But it wasn't just that. We had this moment. She felt something. I know she did. She had to leave because it was all getting too much for her." "I think you're reading too much into this," said Naomi. "I'm not," I exclaimed, "Alison told me there's something she hasn't been telling me. It's that she's still got feelings for me." "Oh Luke, you don't know that," said Naomi. "Well what else could it be?" I said. "God, it could be loads of things," said Naomi. "She told me she still cared about me," I said. "Yeah she probably still does in her own way," said Naomi, "You were married for ten years. It doesn't mean she wants to get back with you." I started to feel angry and defensive. "Why are you being like this?" I firmly asked, "Why do you always have to look at the negative? Why can't you just be happy for me?" "Luke, a couple of days ago you hated the fact she was here and she hated the fact that you were here. Now you're talking about getting back with her," said Naomi, "I think you need to make your mind up." "My mind is made up," I snapped, "I'm going to invite her to dinner tonight and ask her to get back with me." "Invite her to dinner?" exclaimed Naomi, "The other day you were saying that being married to her was the worst thing in the world." "Well we had our ups and downs but it wasn't all bad," I said. "God, you're deluded," said Naomi, "There is no way she wants to get back together." "Well do you know what," I said, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I'm going to get all this sh*t from Auntie Meryl. I don't need it from you." I stormed off feeling so angry. I couldn't understand why Naomi couldn't be pleased for me. I was feeling really happy at the prospect of getting back together with Caroline and it felt like Naomi was being all negative and p*ssing over everything.

Later in the day I was in the canteen in the visitor's centre. I was setting up one of the tables to make it look really nice. I draped it with a posh table cloth and put a plastic rose in a vase in the middle. I started playing romantic music via a battery operated stereo and did what I could to create a romantic ambience. At that point TJ, Trudy and Mia turned up. "What's all this then, Nanna?" asked TJ. "None of your business," I snapped. "He wants to get back with Caroline," said Mia, "Naomi told me." "Well Naomi should keep her big mouth shut," I snapped. "F*ck me Nanna," said TJ, "You're a glutton for punishment aren't you? If she looks at you for too long she'll turn you to stone." "Yeah, you're just replacing one bossy cow with another," said Trudy. "I think it's really romantic," said Mia. "Thank you Mia," I said. "Ignore this dizzy mare," said TJ, "What makes you think Caroline even wants you back." "Well not that it's any of your business, but she told me," I said, "Well, more or less." Trudy picked up the plastic rose and smelt it. "Well you're not going to win her back with this sh*t," she said, "It's gone off. It doesn't even smell." "It's plastic you idiot," I bluntly said, "Look, will you all just get lost. I need a romantic ambience." "Eh?" said Mia, "How do you get a romantic ambulance?" "Ambience, not ambulance you d*ckhead," I bluntly said, "Look, will you all just go away? I want this to be right." "Well good luck Nanna," said TJ, "Try not to f*ck it up." TJ and the others started to walk off. "Hang on a minute," I said, "Do you know where Caroline is?" "She's with the other zoonies near the elephant enclosure," said TJ, "We're going over there now." "Zoonies?" I said. "Yeah," said TJ, "It's a cross between zoo and loony." "Tell Caroline to come over here," I said, "Actually no. You'll probably f*ck it up. I'll come over and ask her myself."