Luke's Diary: An unlucky man in a zombie apocalypse. Days 601 - 756

Day 750: Saturday 15th September 2018

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Day 750
Saturday 15th September 2018

We're all still stuck in this bl**dy clinical room and whilst it's great (I think) that everyone's got their real memories back, cabin fever is definitely starting to settle in and after lots of rowing and arguing, the afternoon took a slightly violent turn.

Yesterday I said I was happy that everyone had got their real memories back but after TJ telling me how he had a gang bang with all of the Spice Girls (or as he called it, a 'spice bang'), Mia asking me what the name of the boat was in 'Titanic' and Trudy describing the heights, width, depth and smell of her sh*ts in detail, I'm starting thinking that everyone having fake memories might not be such a bad idea.

I've been thinking about what Naomi told me about Parrissa and the more I think about it, the more convinced I am that she's involved with ACROBAT; maybe as some sort of undercover sleeper agent. I'm really starting to doubt this brain dead moron routine. I decided to do some digging in the hope it might get us closer to finding Auntie Meryl and the kids. Parrissa was sat on her own on the edge of her bed, so I walked over and sat next to her. "So. . ." I said. "A needle pulling thread?" said Parrissa. "You what?" I said. "You said sew," said Parrissa, "So I said 'a needle pulling thread'. You know, like the song." Parrissa suddenly burst into song and started singing 'Do-Re-Mi. "Oh God," I said, rolling my eyes, "The sound of music." "Oh do you think so?" said Parrissa, "Very kind of you to say."  "It's the name of the film the song it's from you idiot," I bluntly said. I pulled Parrissa back to the bed "Look," I said. "Looooooook at me!" Parrissa loudly said, as she, again burst into song and started singing 'Look at Me,' by Geri Halliwell, and dancing around. "God, Parrissa," I snapped, grabbing her arm and yanking her back to the bed, "Will you sit down and be quiet? I'm trying to talk to you." There was a slight pause as Parrissa re-joined me on the bed. "Now," I said. Parrissa suddenly started rapping and singing the theme tune to 'The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.' "Nooooow!" she loudly said, started to sing and attempting to break dance, "This is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down, and I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there. I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air." "For f*cks sake," I angrily snapped at Parrissa, "Just shut up." Parrissa then stopped rapping and started singing The Black-eyed Peas.  "Shut up! Just shut up! Shut up!" she loudly sang. "DO YOU WORK FOR ACROBAT!?" I loudly asked. Silence fell and everyone gathered round and looked confused as the atmosphere intensified. "Luke, what are you talking about?" "Come on Parrissa," I said in a confrontational tone, "Say something." "Well I can't think of any songs that start with 'do you work for ACROBAT'," said Parrissa. "Are you saying she's got something to do with ACROBAT?" said Trudy. "Well something's not right," I firmly said, "Ever since she turned up, things have been getting even weirder around here, and apart from thinking her dead parents were alive, we know nothing about her." "Luke, that's horrible!" exclaimed a shocked Mia, "How can you say all this? Parrissa's our friend. She's got nothing to do with ACROBAT." "Something's not right around here," I said, "Harold, Rick and Goyle have been talking about secrets and betrayals and dropping all these weird hints. They've been really cryptic." "That's when you're really critical about stuff," said Mia. "No that's sceptic," I said. "No, that's when you have an infection," said Mia. "That's septic," I bluntly said, "Look, there's something not right about her." "We know that Nanna," TJ, bluntly said. "Yeah, no sh*t Sherlock," said Trudy, "Someone who thinks a load of fleshy skeletons are people you can have a conversation with is clearly one t*t short of a cleavage." "I think she forced Thomas into bringing the kids here," I said. "Are you joking?" exclaimed Trudy, "She couldn't force a fart without sh*tting herself." "Look, I saw her with Thomas," I firmly said, "Back at the zoo, he was sat next to her and he was crying his eyes out." "Well wouldn't you end up balling your eyes out if you were sat trying to have a conversation with this mad tw*t?" said Trudy. "I think she made Thomas get the kids out of the zoo and that she threatened to hurt his animals if she didn't," I said, "She was there when Thomas was crying, there's been loads of freaky stuff going on and I think this scatter brain performance is all an act." I then turned and looked at Parrissa with a serious expression. "Well come on then," I said, "What have you got to say for yourself?" "Well I think that it's weird that you get IN a car, but you get ON a bus," said Parrissa. "See?" said TJ pointing at Parrissa, "And you think this dozy d*ckhead has got the intelligence to be some sort of undercover ACROBAT agent?" "Yeah, well I think it's all an act." "Luke might have a point," said Naomi, "I never trusted Parrissa from the first moment I met her." "Hang on," said Tara, "Let's all calm down. What actual proof do we have to say Parrissa has got anything to do with ACROBAT? No offence Naomi, but it wasn't that long ago that you thought we were all potential ACROBAT spies." "Well I think someone here is working for ACROBAT," said Naomi. "I'm starting to think that too," I said. "Well I think you're full of sh*t," said Trudy, "No one here's a spy." "Dunno," said TJ, "Anyone one of us could be undercover. You didn't tell us about your bites and being immune and all that. Maybe you've got something to hide." "You f*cking what!?" Trudy loudly snapped, "All I care about is our son. I don't give a sh*t about all this under cover b*llocks. Anyway, you're the one that's always lying and talking bullsh*t. If anyone's a spy it's probably you." "Come on Trudy," I said, "A spy needs a certain amount of intelligence." "Oi Nanna," snapped TJ, "You trying to say I'm thick. I've advised half of the Hollywood actors who plays in all the action spy films over the last six years." "And there's another big lump of bullsh*t," I said. "Maybe you're the spy," TJ said to me, "You've kept a few secrets over the last two years haven't you? Maybe you're keeping more." "Oh shut up you idiot," I said, "I'm not a spy." "Maybe Nicola's the spy," said a blunt Trudy. "Excuse me?" said an angry Naomi." "Well it wouldn't be the first time you worked for ACROBAT," said Trudy, "Remember what happened with Troy? How you murdered him for ACROBAT." "Shut up Trudy," snapped Naomi, "It wasn't like that and you know it. Anyway, I'm not going to take this sh*t from someone who killed a Nun." "That b*tch deserved it," snapped Trudy, "Troy didn't." "Please don't keep arguing," said Mia. "This is what happens when you put lots of people in a room and leave them to it," said Richard in a glum tone, "That's why it's good not to be around people. I don't really like people. I don't really like rooms to be honest." "Oh you can shut your trap you miserable pr*ck," snapped Trudy, "For all we know you could be an undercover ACROBAT spy. You were chummy with Thomas. Maybe you and him were in on it together." "Hmmmm," said a boring sounding and uncertain Richard, "It all sounds a bit complicated to me. I don't do complicated. I like to keep things simple." "Maybe we should all just calm down," said Tara. "It's you isn't!" Trudy loudly said. "I beg your pardon?" said Tara. "You turn up on some big double decker bus with Harold and we're supposed to believe you didn't know he was the boss of ACROBAT." "I didn't know!" Tara, loudly exclaimed, "He called himself Donald Hero for Christ's sake." "Yeah well you were the one who was keen for us all to get to this Base," said Trudy. "Because I thought my boyfriend was here, you silly cow!" Tara, loudly exclaimed, "I didn't know it was under ACROBAT control. I found out, the same time as you lot."