Luke's Diary: An unlucky man in a zombie apocalypse. Days 601 - 756

Day 683: Tuesday 10th July 2018

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Day 683
Tuesday 10th July 2018

Bit of a quiet day, although I really embarrassed myself in front of Rocky.

We were all in the main area talking about when we might need to go out to look for more supplies when Rocky and I were sharing stories about growing up with a sex mad mother. "Look at you two," said TJ, "Thick as thieves. Or maybe just thick." "Go away TJ," I said. "Shouldn't you be comforting your wife?" asked Rocky. "Wife?" said TJ. Rocky looked over at Trudy. "Christ, that's not my wife," said TJ, "She might have spat out a couple of my kids buy I never put a ring on it." "Hasn't he got a lovely way with words?" I said to Rocky. "You want to be careful hanging around with Nanna," TJ said to Rocky. "He'll either try and get in your pants or slag you off behind your back." "I don't slag anyone off behind their back," I exclaimed. "Whatever," said TJ, "We all know you're a secret gay-er anyway." "I'm not a secret gay-er," I bluntly said. "Oh, so you've come out pf the closet now have you?" "No, I haven't," I snapped. "Oh so you're still in the closet are you, you big secret c*ck gobbler?" said TJ. "I think you're the gay one," Rocky said to TJ, "You're the one talking about gobbling c*cks no one else." "Whatever ginger boy," said TJ, "There's a lot you don't know. Nanna here tried to bum me once." "I heard you tried to bum him," said Rocky. "What?" exclaimed TJ, "He wanted me' He even stuck his tongue down my throat in front of this weird sci-fi chick." "I heard you stuck your tongue down his throat," said Rocky. TJ stormed off in a huff leaving me and Rocky to giggle. "Thanks," I said, "God he really gets on nerves sometimes. You know I'm not really some mad gay guy who's after you don't you?" "Of course I do," giggled Rocky. "And you know I'd never slag you off behind your back don't you?" "Of course I do," said Rocky, "Now stop being paranoid." I felt like I was getting on with Rocky . . . That was until what happened in the afternoon. . . .

Rocky and Mike had gone out on a run to look for supplies. Most of us were all sat in the grim staff room area talking about what we could do to pass the time and take our minds of the depressing surroundings. Mia suggested hide and seek and TJ suggested strip poker. "I don't really know how to play poker," said Auntie Meryl. "I think there's another reason you don't really want to play that game, Auntie Meryl," I said. "Oh yes," said Auntie Meryl, "That's right. Silly me. We don't have a pack of cards." "TJ, why does nearly every game you suggest plating involved people getting naked?" asked Naomi, "For God's sake there are kids around here." "Chill out Margaret Thatcher," said TJ, "It's the naked body, not mass murder. Anyway, I bet you some of you lot have been gagging for a glimpse at my meaty monster." "No," Naomi bluntly said, "You might want to see some of us in the buff but please don't assume we want to see you like that." As the discussions continued the ginger cat once again appeared out of nowhere and jumped on my lap, sticking it's arsehole in my face. He jumped very heavily on my b*llocks! I gave a loud girly scream, the cat jumped off my lap, out of the staff room, down the stairs and into the facility. "Look," giggled TJ, "Luke finally getting close to some pussy, but as usually he scared it off." "Oh just f*ck off!" I loudly snapped at TJ, "I'm sick if you, I'm sick of your jibes, I'm sick of this place ad I'm sick of that f*cking cat!" "What do you mean you're sick of this place?" asked TJ, "It was your idea to come here." "Yes, so we can avoid the ACROBAT drones, not spend every waking second wondering if we're going to be attacked by cats." "You're the only one being attacked by cats, Nanna, not us," said TJ, "Maybe he can smell your fishy crotch." "I'm just sick of it!" I loudly said, "He's been getting on my nerves since I first clapped eyes on him – and I think he's been eating some of our food too. F*cking free-loading ginger tw*t." "Err, Luke . . ." said Mia. "I mean who the f*ck does he think he is!?" I loudly snapped, ignoring Mia, "Walking around here like he owns the place. I swear to God if I see him again I'm going to grab hold of both his legs, swing him round and slam him into the wall. I'll tell you what I'll do – I'll jump on his lap and shove my arse in his face and see how he likes that." "Luke," said Mia. "I've never liked him," I snapped, again ignoring Mia, "From the second I met him I thought he'd be better off flattened under a car. Nasty vicious ginger pr*ck. There's something about it. I don't know what it is but I just don't trust him. Sly ginger sod. I don't know where he's gone or when he'll be back but we all know he WILL back and the minute he shows his face he'll be eyeing up my b*llocks just getting ready to give them a good maul. Well the second I see the little ginger b*stard, I'm going to stick my hand up his arse and turn him inside out." "Luke," said Mia. "What!?" I loudly said. I noticed everyone was looking over my shoulder and appearing tense. I turned round to see Mike stood in the doorway to the staff room with Rocky, who had an angry and upset look on his face. He shook his head in disappointment and then went storming off. "No!" I loudly said, "Ricky, I was talking about the cat, not you! I was talking about the cat." TJ burst into laughter. "Well played Nanna," he giggled, "That was pretty special. I haven't seen you put your foot in your mouth like that for a while." "Why the Hell didn't you tell me to shut up?" I snapped. "I tried," sad Mia, "But you wouldn't listen." "So is he angry at the cat or the bloke?" asked Auntie Meryl. "Are they not the same person?" asked Parrissa. "God, Luke," said Naomi, "I wish you thought before you opened your mouth?" Janine shook her head with a patronising smile. "You f*c off too, Meg," I snapped at Janine, "I didn't know he as stood behind me, did I!?" TJ continued laughing. "This is all your fault!" I loudly snapped. "Me?" exclaimed TJ, "I'm not the one who said he as a f*cking free-loading ginger tw*t and that you wanted to stick your hand up his arse. All this just because some cat stuck his tea towel holder in your face." "Shut up," I firmly said, "I was talking about that ginger cat. You know that." "Yeah but Rocky doesn't know that doesn't he?" said TJ, winding me up. "If he hadn't have said all that sh*t this morning ad stirred things up like you did, none of this would have happened," I snapped at TJ, "You go down there and tell him it was all a misunderstanding. You out this right. Tell him I was talking about the cat." "What cat?" asked TJ, taking the p*ss, "I don't see any cat?" I took a step forward and gave TJ an angry glance. "Alright Nanna, calm down, I'll have a chat to Mick Hucknell," said TJ, "Just because you want to bum him."

I didn't think TJ tried very hard to explain things to Rocky as he refused to talk to me and said that TJ was obviously right about me all along. Great! The first male friend I make who isn't weird or some sort of arsehole and I make out I hate all things ginger and want him dead.

One good thing that did come out of today – Mike and Rocky did come back with some good supplies. I just hope I can get Rocky to understand that I was talking about the cat and not him and that we get back on speaking terms again.