Luke's Diary: An unlucky man in a zombie apocalypse. Days 601 - 756

Day 709: Sunday 5th August 2018

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Day 709
Sunday 5th August 2018

We had a bit of a run in with Roz today.

The day started when a few of us were having breakfast in the staff area when Alison, Kevin, Richard and Thomas appeared. The atmosphere suddenly took a nose dive. "Oh look who it is," said Trudy, "Good enough to eat with us now are you? Stuck up tossers." "We've had a very distressing couple of days," said Alison. "Our good friend Des never returned from his little excursion and Kyle has killed Imran." "So you've all been in this underground bunker giving each other TLC?" said Naomi. "TLC?" said Mia, "Don't you put that on mouth ulcers?" "That's TCP you idiot," I said, "Look, I get that you lot have had a tough time but you can't just go disappearing for a few days like that. We were all getting worried." "Oh, Luke," said Alison, "That's so sweet." "Yes," said Kevin, "Very considerate of you to think of us. You're all so kind." "I wasn't f*cking worried," said a blunt Trudy, "I thought you were all a bunch of rude f*ckers. B*ggering off and not even leaving us a note." "Sorry Trudy but we all wanted to stay together," said Thomas, "No offence but compared to those who have recently lost their lives, you are all still strangers to us." "Whatever DoLittle," said Trudy, "Manners cost nothing." "Coming from the woman who, the second she walked in to this place, said she could squeeze one out right here," said Thomas. "I needed a sh*t," said a blunt Trudy, "When you gotta go, you gotta go." "Look," said a firm Naomi, "Roz told us about the bunker and about this new person who's come back. We want to see the bunker and meet this new person." Thomas and the other zoo people looked a little guilty and suspicious. We all noticed. "Look, what is going on?" asked an assertive Naomi, "You're clearly hiding something from us." "We're not feeling ourselves," said Alison, "We've just found out that our friend Des was killed outside and our other friend Imran returned with a horrible bite in his neck. Kyle killed him. I think it was the most traumatic and upsetting thing I've ever seen. Oh it was horrible wasn't it ickle shnuckle bunny." "It certainly was my cutie cuddle pie," said Kevin, "You don't expect to spend the end of the week watching a fourteen year old boy sticking a knife into someone's head do you?" "I suppose it depends where you come from," said Trudy, "Anyway, we know about all this death and killing. That Kyle told Luke." "Look," said Naomi, standing up and looking up at the others assertively, "I get that for you lot this has all been too much. Your mate Bill gets killed, then this Des gets killed and then you see your mate Imran get murdered in front of you. I know it's awful but that's the world we live in now." "Well nothing like this has ever happened inside the walls of the zoo," said Thomas. "And that's why you're all struggling to deal with it," said Naomi, "The second this Imran guy got bitten he shouldn't have been brought back here." "Oh Naomi, how can you say that? He was one of our friends," said Alison. "He stopped being your friend the second he got bitten," said Naomi. "I gotten bitten by a mosquito once," said Richard, "It was horrible." "Did you know the word 'Mosquito' means little fly in Spanish?" said Thomas, "The scientific name is Culicidae and the lifespan of an adult female is about 42 – 56 days and the lifespan of an adult male is about ten days. Oh and did you know . . ." "Shut up d*ckhead," snapped Trudy, interrupting Thomas, "We don't give a toss about all this animal b*llocks. Just tell us about this underground bunker." "We've been through a traumatic experience," said Alison, "We don't want to answer lots of questions. We need time to process what's happened. Talk about our emotions; express how we feel." "I'll express my foot up your arse if you don't stop talking sh*t," said Trudy. "Yeah, stop trying to distract us and answer the question," Naomi firmly said to Alison. "Distract you?" said Alison, "I don't know what you mean?" Our friends have just been killed," said Kevin, "And we saw that young boy stab Imran to death. We've been through such an ordeal." "Yeah, that's what happens these days mate," said TJ. "Well we're not used to it," said Kevin. "You need to GET used to it," said Naomi, "Now answer the question. Where is this bunker?" "And where's this person that's come back?" asked Trudy. The four zoo survivors once again exchanged guilty looks. "There it is," exclaimed Trudy, "That shifty look. Something's going on." "Look guys," Tara said to the zoo survivors, "It's pretty obvious you're hiding something. Whenever we mention this bunker or this friend of yours who's come back you start swapping guilty stares." "It's got nothing to do with us," said Richard, "We were told to keep our mouths shut." "Richard shut up," said Thomas. "What?" said Richard, "I haven't said anything." "Said anything about what?" asked a firm Naomi. "Look, we don't want any trouble," said Kevin, "We're just doing as we're told." "Ickle Shnuckle bunny," said Alison, with a cheesy smile, "Maybe you should be quiet." "Shut your gob you fat sl*g and let the spineless p*ssy speak," Trudy snapped at Alison. "You lot had better start talking," said Naomi, "Where is this bunker and why didn't you tell us about it?" At that moment Roz entered the room. "Right," she firmly said, "It's time for you lot to leave." "You what?" said Trudy. "I beg your pardon?" said Naomi. "This isn't working out," said Roz, "It was bad enough when Luke was spying on me in the shower, throwing his cum in my face and slagging me off at every available opportunity . . ." "Oi hang on," I said, interrupting Roz, "I thought we were sorting all that out." "But TJ's constant sexist, narrow minded comments and Naomi's nasty and hostile remarks," continued Roz, "Coupled with all of the stress we've recently had to go through means there's no place for you here. Sorry but you need to go and I think it's best if you leave now. No time like the present and all that." "Roz, we've got three little kids with us," said Mia, "You can't chuck us out." "You were fine before you got here, you'll be fine again," said Roz. "We weren't f*cking fine," snapped TJ, "We were living in this sh*tty underground power station." "Well you can go back there," said Roz, "We'll give you some food and supplies." "Roz, we can't leave," I said, "You know what it's like out there. Roz, I've got a son. Think of him. Think of all the kids." "I'm thinking about me and my loved ones," said Roz, "I'm sorry but you have to go. You just can't be here." "Roz, what's going on?" asked Tara. "What do you mean?" asked Roz. "Well you weren't THIS keen to get rid of us all until the others came back," said Tara, "What's their return got to do with you wanting us gone?" "Look, this isn't a debate," said a firm Roz, "You lot are out of here. We should have never let you in here, in the first place. Now start packing." "Well what about the rest of you?" I said, looking at Richard, Thomas, Alison and Kevin, "Are you so keen to get rid of us too?" The other four zoo survivors looked a little anxious. "We don't want any trouble," said Kevin. "No," said Alison, "We just want to live in peace and harmony." "So are you saying you want us to stay or leave?" I asked. "Well it's not really up to us," said Alison. "What do you mean it's not up to?" I exclaimed, "If you don't get to decide then who does?" "Please," said Kevin, "We don't really want to be involved in this." "And what about you smiler?" TJ asked Richard, "What's your opinion about all this?" "Oh I don't like to have opinions on serious matters such as this," said Richard, "It's none of my business really." "Well that's helpful," said a blunt TJ, turning his attention to Thomas, "And what about you, Noah's Ark? What do you think?" "I'm happy to let Roz take the lead," said Thomas. "You f* king p*ssy," snapped TJ. "Look, can we please just talk about this?" I said, "We might be able to sort something out. We could sleep and live in different areas. This place is big enough." "Not big enough it seems," said Roz. "What does that mean?" I asked, "This place is massive." Luke," said a very firm Roz, "I've told you. We're not talking about this. Now let's not make this any more difficult than it needs to be. I'm sure you can just go back to this power station place." Tara gave Roz a suspicious look. "Who have you got holed up in this bunker Roz?" she asked. "What?" said Roz. "Three people left this place and only one person has returned alive," said Tara, "Since this person's return you've all gone AWOL and now you want us to leave, pretty sharp-ish. Who is this person?" The others once again looked guilty and sheepish. Roz also looked uncomfortable but only for a brief moment. "Look," she aggressively said, "I'm trying to be nice about this but you're making it difficult." "Why can't you just answer the question?" asked Tara. Who HAVE you got in that bunker?" I asked, "And what have they go to do with us staying or leaving?" "Just pack your bags and f*ck off!" Roz loudly snapped, "I won't ask you all again!?" "F*ck off you big butch bean flicker," snapped Trudy, "We're not going anywhere." "We're staying right here," said a scary sounding Mike, "And if you try to throw us out we're going to get very angry." "I don't care how angry you get," snapped Roz, "Or how threatening you get. I've told you to leave. You can't stay here." Everyone started shouting and talking all over each other. "QUIET!" yelled Naomi. Silence fell, and she walked right up to Roz. This was a tense moment. "We aren't leaving," Naomi quietly said in an intimidating tone, "We are all staying right here. Now none of us want any trouble and we're not looking for trouble but if you try and make us leave; if you try and force us out, we will have no alternative but to fight." The atmosphere intensified further. "Roz, just tell them," said Thomas with urgency in their voice. "Shut up Thomas," Roz, firmly said. "Tell us what?" I said, "What's going on?" "Nothing," snapped Roz, "Just ignore him. You lot need to leave right now." "Sorry Roz," I said, "But we're not leaving." "Just f*ck off!" Roz loudly yelled. "You sound desperate to get rid of us," said Tara. "I couldn't care less how desperate anyone is," said Naomi, "This is our home now. If anyone tries to force us out, we WILL fight." "Fine," snapped Roz, "If that's what it takes to get rid of you lot, then we'll fight." Naomi giggled slightly as Alison, Kevin, Richard and Thomas looked worried. "Roz, if you want to fight, then that's fine by me," said Naomi, "But I don't think that's the best option for you right now, do you? We've all killed infected and a lot of us have killed people. What experience have you and your people got? These four pathetic excuses for people stood behind you don't look too pleased at the thought of getting into a fight. Let's see. Alison and Kevin are all about making peace and love, not war; Thomas has probably spent more time with his animals and Richard is more than likely allergic to punching someone. Who does that leave? You, Kyle and this new arrival. I think Kyle could easily kill someone, but he spends most of his time alone. You've got a bit of fight in you, but not enough to take us on. That leaves the newly returning person." "Tell us who they are," said Tara. "It doesn't matter," snapped Roz, sounding a bit worried. "Well let me tell you about us," said Naomi, "Mike's bitten someone's c*ck off and rammed it down their throat, and most recently he cut someone's tongue off and buried them alive. Trudy killed a Nun, TJ wrestled a shark, Luke shot two people in the face and as for me . . . Well, you really don't want to know what I can do. So . . . Do you really want to start this fight?" Silence lingered for a while. Naomi's look of intimidation and determination never faltered as Roz looked angry and anxious. Roz ushered her fellow zoo survivors towards the doors. "Right," said Roz, trying to regain control, "We're moving out of this place." "Moving out?" said a confused and concerned sounding Thomas, "Where are we going to?" "We can stay in the bunker," said Roz, "I can't stand to be near this lot." Roz turned round, gave us all an evil look and pointed at us. "You lot, stay away from us," she snapped, "And that goes for all of you. I mean it. Every single one of you, just stay away from us and stay away from Kyle too." Roz and the others then left leaving the rest of us to take a deep breath and feel relieved. "So who was that then?" asked Auntie Meryl.

Later in the day Richard and Thomas returned to the staff area and collected theirs and the other's belongings. They weren't with us very long. They gathered lots of belongings and after Trudy made some b*tchy comment about enjoying life in the underground bunker, they quickly left. We didn't see any of the zoo survivors for the rest of the day. "I think we need to follow them and find out where this bunker is," said Naomi. "Oh for God's sake," I said, rolling my eyes, "Can't we just be grateful we didn't end up in World War Three?" "Wasn't World War Three the one with Hitler?" asked Mia. "That was World War 2," I said. "That's a film isn't it?" said Mia. "Oh shut up," I said, "Let's just be glad we've got a bit of peace and quiet and that those weirdos have b*ggered off." "I think Naomi's right," said Tara, "They're hiding something from us and I reckon it's got something to do with this bunker and something to do with this new person." "Yeah," said Trudy, "They're definitely hiding something. They had guilt written all over their faces. I've been in court enough times to know guilt when I see it." "OK," said Mike, "So what are we going to do?" "Can't we just live here with us in here and them in this bunker?" said Mia. "They're hiding something from us Mia," said Naomi, "We have to get to the bottom of it." "Naomi's right," said Tara, "There's a reason Roz wanted us all gone. The only reason she backed down is because we stood up to her. Whatever the reason Roz wanted us out of here, I think that reason still exists." "Exactly," said Naomi, "I don't trust any of them. Trying to chuck us out didn't work, so I'm left wondering what else they might do to get us out of here." "They won't do anything," said Mia, "They're scared of us. Anyway, they've gone their way and we've gone ours. There doesn't have to be any trouble." "I think that's a nice idea, Mia," said Tara, "But that's not reality. I think we all need to find out where this bunker is, find out who this new person is and I think we all need to remain cautious." "Can we all just agree not to go out of our way looking for trouble?" I said. "None of us WANT trouble Luke," said Naomi. "I don't know," said Mike, "I wouldn't mind slashing a few of those tw*ts up if they start throwing their weight around." "OK," said Naomi, "Most of us don't want any trouble. We just want answers." All of a sudden I got a brainwave. "I've just thought of something genius," I said. "If you stick a hotdog sausage down your pants it'll make your c*ck bigger?" said a sarcastic TJ. "Shut up," I snapped, "I can speak to Kyle. He'll tell me who this new person is and he'll tell me where the bunker is." "F*ck off Nanna," said TJ, "Why is that little sh*t going to tell you anything." "Trust me," I confidently said, remembering that I had dirt on Kyle, "He'll tell me what I want to know. I'll talk to him tomorrow." "But Roz told you to stay away from him," said Parrissa, "This sounds deeply troubling." "Kyle does what he wants," I said, "I'll look for him tomorrow and see what I can find out. Until then, let's just calm down."

Hopefully I'll be able to find Kyle tomorrow and find out where this bunker is and get closer to whatever this secret is that the others are keeping from us, although to be honest, part of me isn't bothered and I'm just glad that we haven't gone to war, that we're enjoying some peace and quiet and that we have more room where we sleep now.