Luke's Diary: An unlucky man in a zombie apocalypse. Days 601 - 756

Day 693: Friday 20th July 2018

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Day 693
Friday 20th July 2018

I think something strange might be going on, but one positive thing that happened today – we didn't hack anyone to death with an axe! So that's something to be proud about.

I was sat with some of the others yesterday talking about Naomi's erratic behaviour. "Her behaviour is really starting to worry me," I said. "I think she's going mental," said TJ, "Proper bat sh*t crazy." "Well it didn't help when you kicked everything off by smashing Richard F's face in." "I thought he was turning," said TJ, "I was trying to save everyone's life. I'm a f*cking hero." "Killing an injured man and beating him to death," said Tara, sarcastically, "Very chivalrous." "Chiva - what?" said Trudy. "Look, do we need to think about DOING something with Naomi?" I asked. "You've always thought about DOING something with Naomi," said TJ, "Everyone knows you've got a stork on for her. Wanting to dip you little rudder in her luscious Lilly-pond." "One of my friends at school was called Lilly Pond," said Parrissa. "We used to have a pond in the back garden," said Trudy, "Well it was more of an illegally built swimming pool really. The council made us fill it in." "Forms," said Parrissa. "What?" said Trudy. "Forms," said Parrissa, "You can fill forms in too." There was a confusing pause. "What the f*ck are you talking about!?" exclaimed Trudy, "Forms!? Silly b*stard." "Forms," said Parrissa, "Paper Forms. You fill them in." "As interesting as all this is we need to decide what we need to do about Naomi," I said. "I don't think we need to DO anything," said Tara, "Let's remember she was out there on her own, for six months, trying to survive and looking for her granddaughter. That's bound to have an effect on you." "Look, I'm going to be blunt," I said. "James Blunt?" asked Parrissa. Ignoring her I continued. "Are we safe here with Naomi?" I asked, "Are our children safe here with Naomi?" "Luke!" said Mia, sounding shocked that I'd says such a thing. "Well someone's got to ask it," I said, "I'm sure some of us are thinking it." "You're not thinking of chucking her out are you?" said Mia. I looked at the others with a slightly guilty and embarrassed look on my face. "Oh my God, you are aren't you!?" exclaimed Mia, "You can't chuck her out. She's only just come back. We're all together and we need to stay together. Please don't chuck her out." "Me and Betty Crack got chucked out of an Italian restaurant once for swearing at this waiter," said Auntie Meryl, "He came up to us with some bread and asked if I wanted to p*ss. I told him to b*gger off and that my toilet habits were none of his business. Dirty pasta loving gringo. Anyway as we were getting chucked out the manager said that he actually asked if I wanted TWO PIECES of bread, not if I wanted to p*ss. The thing is that the manager spoke proper English. You've got to make an effort with the English language." "Was this over here in this country then?" asked Mike. "No it was in Rome in the early eighties," said Auntie Meryl, "But it still applies. The manager was lovely. Stavros his name was." "Stavros?" said Parrissa, "He's one of the baddies from Doctor Who isn't he?" "That's Davros you d*ckhead," snapped Trudy. "Look, we can't throw Naomi out," said Mia, "I won't let you. If I have to get my clunge out then I will." "Calm down," said Tara, "No one needs to chuck anyone out. Naomi's just trying to keep us safe from this ACROBAT lot. She wouldn't hurt any of us and she certainly wouldn't hurt the kids." "She might not hurt the kids," said TJ, "But I'm not sure about the rest us. I'm starting to think we'll all get an axe in the face if we look at her the wrong way." "Well don't look at her the wrong way then," said Tara, "She just wants to make sure those ACROBAT pr*cks don't find us." "Yeah but hacking someone's face in half because they mentioned some vague ACROBAT reference is going a bit far," I said. "I'll have a chat with her," said Tara, "But I really don't think we've got anything to worry about."     

Later in the day after Tara had spoken to Naomi, I saw her sat with Trudy away from the rest of us and deep in conservation.  Feeling curious I walked over to them. The second I approached them they jumped and quickly went quiet. "What's going on?" I asked. "Nowt," said Trudy. "Were you talking about me?" I asked. "Err, no," said a blunt Trudy, "Why would we be talking about you?" "Well you were very deep in conversation," I said, "Whispering and all that. We shouldn't have any secrets. What's going on?" "Of for f*cks sake," snapped Trudy. "We were just talking about girl stuff," said Tara. "What sort of girl stuff?" I asked. "Stuff you don't know owt about," said Trudy. "Like what?" I asked. "F*nnies," Trudy bluntly said, "Fannies and periods and all that." I felt a bit embarrassed. "I'll leave you to it," I said. Then I walked off.

I'm sure Tara and Trudy were whispering about something. I wonder what they're up to? Maybe they were talking about me? The last time anything like this happened Esther told Tara Leo was my son and that she didn't want me finding out. I wonder if Trudy's told Tara something. Maybe Tara had told Trudy something. Oh I don't know. I need to focus on Leo and do what I can to keep him away from Naomi's erratic behaviour.