Luke's Diary: An unlucky man in a zombie apocalypse. Days 601 - 756

Day 686: Friday 13th July 2018

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Day 686
Friday 13th July 2018

It was turning out to be a rather quiet and mundane kind of a day, until Naomi started having a right go at Rocky.

I was sat with Rocky, TJ and Auntie Meryl who was holding Leo. I was talking to Auntie Meryl about what sort of future Leo was going to have and Rocky and TJ were talking about how useless both of their fathers were. "It's weird," said TJ, "I used to think my Dad was the best guy in the world, but then all of a sudden one day, I just realised what an arse he was. I hate to say it but I suppose I'm a bit like him. That's probably why me and Mike didn't get on for so long." "Yeah my Dad was a waste of time," said Rocky, "I'm glad he's out of my life. When was the last time you saw your Dad?" All of a sudden Naomi appeared and stormed up to Rocky. "Alright," she snapped, "That's it. Get out." "Who's she talking to?" Auntie Meryl asked me. "Get out?" Rocky asked Naomi, "What do you mean?" "Are you thick?" snapped Naomi, "Get out – as in GET OUT. Get out of this place, right now." Rocky stuttered and clearly didn't know what to say. "Oh Naomi, for God's sake," I said, rolling my eyes. Some of the others gathered round to see what was going on. "Shut up Luke," said a firm Naomi, "This guy's a proper snake in the grass." "Do snakes live in the grass?" asked Parrissa. "I thought they lived in the sand," said Mia. "I think that's crabs," said Auntie Meryl. "Ha," said TJ, "Nanna's had crabs." "F*ck off," I said to TJ. "Just shut up, the lot of you!" Naomi, loudly said, "This guy has been asking nearly every single one of us questions about our personal lives and our family. Why is he so interested?" "Chill out 'Power to the People'." Said TJ, "He's just getting to know us all." "Yeah what's your problem?" asked Trudy. "He hasn't asked ME any questions," said Parrissa. "Yeah, that's probably because he won't get any sense out of you," I said. "What's going on?" Auntie Meryl, "Who's asking who questions." "Don't any of you see what's going on?" exclaimed Naomi. "What do you mean? What's going on?" asked Trudy, "Nicola, no one knows what you're going on about." "My name is NOT Nicola," snapped Naomi, "God! This guy is a spy for ACROBAT." Everyone responded to Naomi's ridiculous accusation with laughter. "Naomi, you're embarrassing yourself," I said. "No," snapped Naomi, "You lot are embarrassing YOURSELVES. I mean COME ON. Do you really think it's a coincidence he showed up when he did? Do you really think he's interested in any of you lot." "Why?" asked a p*ssed off Trudy, "Because we're all such boring and uninteresting people?" "No, that's not what I meant," said Naomi. "Look Nicola you haven't been here for six months," snapped Trudy, "So don't come waltzing in here after all this time and think you can call he shots after you just walked out on us." "My child was killed!" Naomi snapped, "You've got no idea what it's like!" "I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT'S LIKE YOU SELF OBSESSED B*TCH!" yelled an angry Trudy. There was a tense silence. I think Naomi knew she'd kind of crossed a line. "Please," Naomi quietly said, "Please. Will you all just open your eyes?" Parrissa started blinking. "Are my eyes open or closed?" she asked, "I can't always tell." "Naomi, you've got no proof that Rocky's got anything to do with ACROBAT," I said, "We all like him, we all get on with him and he's been a big help since he got here. Being out there on your own for all this time has made to too cynical." Naomi shook her head in dismay. "Have you thought about how stupid and ironic what you're saying is, what with you standing side by side with lean, mean Janine," said TJ, "We might be a bit more open to the possibility of Rocky being some sort of ACROBAT spy if you didn't think Janine was some sort of saint and have your head so far up her arse your routes stick out of her mouth." "Oh," said Parrissa, "Can you imagine getting your head stuck up your arse," said Parrissa. "He is working for ACROBAT!" Naomi loudly said. "No he's not!" I loudly said, "For f*cks sake Naomi. Give it a rest. You're getting on everyone's nerves now. Rocky does NOT work for ACROBAT." "He does!" Naomi loudly snapped.  "Or actually," said Parrissa, "Can you imagine getting your head stuck up someone else's arse. That wouldn't be pleasant." "Luke," said Naomi, "What can I do to get you to see that this guy is trouble." "Show me some bl**dy proof," I firmly said, "Some hard evidence that shows he's an ACROBAT spy." "It must hurt," said Parrissa, "I wonder if you'd break your neck?" "Parrissa will you f*cking shut up," I firmly said. "Naomi," Rocky said, gently, "I don't know why you don't like me. I mean, you don't even know me. I'm nothing to do with these ACROBAT people. I don't know what I can say or do to get you to believe me. Maybe if we spend some time getting to know each other you'll see that I'm not some spy and we might actually get on." Naomi gave Rocky a silent scowl. She didn't look happy. There was a brief silence and then all of a sudden Naomi, with a look of rage on her face, threw herself at Rocky and prepared to rip chunks out of his face. Mike and TJ grabbed hold of Naomi and restrained her. "Oi, let her go!" Janine loudly said. "F*ck off Meg, no one's talking to you," said Mike. Poor Rocky put his arms up in front of his face in a desperate attempt to defend himself. "What the Hell are you doing!?" I loudly snapped, "For f*cks sake, this has got to stop!" I pointed at Rocky. "Look at him!" I loudly said, "He's terrified." "IT'S AN ACT!" yelled Naomi. "NO IT'S NOT!" I shouted, "F*CKING SHUT UP!" Naomi wriggled free from TJ and Mike's grip. There was a tense pause. Naomi frowned and pointed at Rocky. "I want him gone," she firmly said. "No," I assertively said, "You've had your say now I'm having mine. We let that tw*t Janine stay, despite all the sh*t she put us through, so Rocky is staying and that's that. It's not up for discussion, the decision is made and that's that. Now if you carry on being like the only person who will be leaving is you." Naomi looed slightly shocked at what I'd said. "If it wasn't for Sophie you'd have probably been asked to leave already." There as another uncomfortable pause. Naomi looked around and gave everyone a tense look. "So you all agree with him do you?" she said. Silence followed. This gave Naomi her answer. "What's wrong with you all?" she exclaimed, "I'm trying to help you. God, you've all changed. "No Nicola, you've changed," said a firm Trudy, "I thought I was a hard b*tch but you put me in the shade. You never used to be like this. You used to caring." "Well where the f*ck did caring get me?" Naomi snapped, "People died – my own baby died, my daughter died, her child died . . ." Trudy interrupted Naomi. "Oh will you shut the f*ck p?" snapped Trudy, "You're getting on my cl*t! You're not the only one who's lost someone they love – as you well know. Caring isn't what got Courtney and the others killed you stupid cow. It had nothing to do with caring. Sort your f*cking head out, or f*ck off!" Naomi ended up storming off with Janine in tow. We all gave a sigh of relief as a short silence followed. "My friend Betty Crack once got her head stuck up her arse," said Auntie Meryl, "Well . . . That's what he told me anyway."

Part of me felt a bit bad for insinuating to Naomi that we might chuck her out, especially as she's got Sophie with her but if she carries on being such a nightmare I don't see that we have much choice. I have no idea what's going on in her head but she seriously needs to sort herself out.