Luke's Diary: An unlucky man in a zombie apocalypse. Days 601 - 756

Day 692: Thursday 19th July 2018

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Day 692
Thursday 19th July 2018

What a day! Unexpected arrivals, an awkward situation, deaths and some pretty erratic behaviour from Naomi.

I was sat in the staff area with some of the others talking about our situation. "We'll need to go back to the motorway services at some point," I said, "There's lots of food and water and I don't want anyone else getting it." "It's like shopping buy not paying for it," said Mia. "A bit like Supermarket Sweep," Parrissa. "Me and Betty Crack applied to go on that," said Auntie Meryl, "But she got confused and filled in the wrong form for a different show on a different channel - a more grown up channel." "What was the show called?" asked Mia. "Supermarket Sling," said Auntie Meryl. "What was that?" asked Mia. "Is a sling like a swing?" asked Parrissa. "Please change the subject," I bluntly said. "Have you ever been on telly Luke?" asked Mia. "I was on the local news once," I said, "It was a segment about the increase cost of buying paperclips in bulk." "Riveting stuff," said TJ. "So you were on the news?" asked Mia. "Yeah," I said, "Look North." Mia looked confused and then looked up at the ceiling. "No," I bluntly said, "I don't mean look north as in up to the ceiling. Look North is the name of the news programme." "I was on the TV once," said Mike, "Well, I was on the front page of a newspaper. I was in the Yorkshire Dales having a day out with some mates. Well, I say mates, they were more fellow patients I'd met on a special ward, but you know what I mean. Anyway, we were looking for this village called Hawes and we got totally lost. I wound down the window and told this old man we were all looking for Hawes. He looked really shocked. God knows why. I told him we all wanted to get in Hawes and said that we'd been looking for Hawes for ages. The next thing I knew I was on the front page of the local rural rag being labelled as a curb crawling pervert. To this day I have no idea what the problem was." "Well as intellectually stimulating as this is, I need a sh*t," said TJ. He got up and walked off. "Luke," said Mia. "Yes?" I said, rolling my eyes, waiting for what I thought would be an inevitably annoying question. "You know Selfridges?" asked Mia. "Yes . . ." I said. "Is it called Selfridges, because they sell fridges?"

All of a sudden there was some commotion coming from downstairs. "What's that?" I said. We all walked out on to the top of the landing and saw Tara entering the main room downstairs with a man who was limping and yelling out in pain. Tara was holding him up on his right hand side and someone else was holding him up on his left. Without inspecting the scene too closely we all quickly made out way down the stairs and hurried over to the scene. It was Richard F and Samantha who we'd met before at the big church. As soon as I noticed it was them I knew we were in trouble. They thought TJ was dead and little did they know he was but metres away having a sh*t. Richard had a huge piece of wood sticking out of the side of his torso. "Oh sh*t," I said. "Who are they? What are they doing here?" Naomi firmly asked. Samantha looked up. The second we clocked each other I knew it was going to be a stressful day. "You," said Samantha, "It's you lot." "What? You've met before?" asked Tara. "Who are they?" exclaimed Naomi, "How do you know them?" "Can we do this later please?" snapped a firm Samantha, "Richard's bleeding to death here. We need your help." Tara and Samantha continued helping Richard F into the facility. "Whoa, wait a minute," said a firm Naomi, holding her hand and stopping them from moving forward, "What are you doing?" "What do you mean?" asked a confused Tara. "Get out of the way, he needs help!" Samantha loudly exclaimed.  "The last time we let someone in here we didn't know they worked for ACROBAT," said Naomi. "Jesus Nicola, Shut your face," snapped, "Poor b*tard's got half of Safe Style UK windows sticking out of him. Get out of the way." "I think this is a bad idea," said Naomi. "You've got to stop being so paranoid," I said, "Not every new person you're ever going to meet is going to be an ACROBAT spy." "Look, don't worry," said Tara, "We'll keep an eye on them." "Can we move please!?" Samantha loudly shouted, "He's bleeding to death here."