Luke's Diary: An unlucky man in a zombie apocalypse. Days 601 - 756

Day 724: Monday 20th August 2018

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Day 724
Monday 20th August 2018

After yesterday's shenanigans I woke up with a bit of a headache but it wasn't as bad as it could have been, what with Trudy and Mia pouring cold coffee and water down my neck. However after a b*llokcing from Caroline and a very tense conversation with Mike, I've got another headache now and I'm ready for bed.

After yesterday's carry-on, Caroline, as expected had a right go at me. I was sat in the staffing area in the visitor centre. Tara had already told me that my drunken antics had risked us all getting chucked out and Auntie Meryl told me that I was a raving p*sshead. "Yeah, alright," I said, "Stop going on, it was a lapse in judgement." "You seem to be having a lot of those lately," said Tara. "Look, I know I f*cked up," I said, "I don't need you or anyone else having a go at me." At that point Caroline entered the room and gave me a firm stare. She looked like she meant business. "Well it doesn't look like your b*llockings are over just yet." Tara said. Caroline marched over to where I was sat, and stood over me with her arms folded and a cross look on her face. "Well?" she snapped. "Well what?" I bluntly snapped back. "Well what have you got to say for yourself?" Caroline firmly asked in a patronising tone. "I'm sorry," I said in a half-hearted manner. "Well that sounds genuine," snapped a sarcastic Caroline. "Oh God Caroline," I said, "What do you want? Blood?" "Don't tempt me," said Caroline. "Oi, who do you think you are, barging in here throwing your considerable weight about?" snapped Auntie Meryl, "He's said he's sorry now b*gger off. Maybe if you hadn't have treated him do badly he wouldn't have been driven to drink in the first place." "Meryl, kept out of this," said Caroline, "Like most things this is none of your business." "He's nephew!" Auntie Meryl loudly exclaimed. "And Kyle's my son," said Caroline, "And He could have been killed yesterday because of this idiot and his unhinged friend." "Well you should have been watching him," snapped Auntie Meryl, "If you were as good at keeping an eye on your son as you are at dropping your knickers for any random sailor that flashes you a bit of rock, none of this would have happened." "The blame lies with Luke and Mike, not me," snapped Caroline. "Whereas you lie with anything with a penis and a pulse. Oh. Sorry. You've gone off penises now haven't you?" Ignoring Auntie Meryl, Caroline returned her attention to me. "Luke," said a firm Caroline, "I know you wanted to talk to Kyle but I told you to leave him. He wasn't ready to talk to you." "Yeah well we got on just fine," I said. "Just fine?" exclaimed Caroline, "Taking a 14 year old boy outside into a world full of infected, letting him drive a car and, taking him to a pub, risking his life, running away from undead, and then getting p*ssed whilst Mike dangles him out of a window? I'd hardly call that 'just fine'. No wonder this Esther didn't want you knowing Leo was your son." "Oh shut up," I snapped, "Like you've never made a mistake before. Anyway I got p*ssed after Mike dangled Kyle out of the window, not during." "Oh I'm so sorry," Caroline sarcastically said, "That makes all the difference. God, why did I ever think this could work." "You're just in a mood because I puked on you," I said. "No Luke," Caroline said, "Whilst that didn't exactly put a smile on my face, what really put me in a mood was you going out with my son, letting him drive a car, not telling anyone and stand by whilst your mad mate tried to kill him." I stood up and whilst still feeling rough I confidently confronted Caroline. "Number one," I assertively said, "He's OUR son, not YOUR son, remember. Number two, I didn't go out WITH him, I went running AFTER him to try and bring back. Number three, I couldn't stop him from hiding the secret car he had stashed away, and number four, I didn't stand by and watch Mike dangle him out of the window. I successfully defused the situation, got them both to shake hands and got Kyle back here." "Yeah, so put that in your pipe and smoke it," snapped Auntie Meryl, "Anyway, what were you doing? Looking for a sailor to hop on? You should be thanking Luke for bringing that little hooligans back safely." "My son is not a little hooligan," said Caroline. "You what!?" Auntie Meryl loudly exclaimed, "Going around joy riding, looking at porn, smoking, stealing alcohol, hanging out of windows. The kid's got 'problem child' written all over him." "The only problem Kyle's got is having this brain dead idiot for a father," snapped Caroline, pointing at me. She then took a deep breath. "I don't want a repeat of this Luke," snapped Caroline, "Just think before you act and keep your mate Mike away from me and Kyle." Caroline then stormed off. "Well done Nanna," said TJ, "Another bullet dodged. I thought she was going to chuck us all out." "I'd like to see her try," said Auntie Meryl, "Anyway she can't chuck us out. She doesn't own the frigging place."