Luke's Diary: An unlucky man in a zombie apocalypse. Days 601 - 756

Day 718: Tuesday 14th August 2018

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Day 718
Tuesday 14th August 2018

The others met Caroline today which made me to feel rather frustrated. There was also a meeting which took place. Everyone apart from Kyle attended and even though Caroline and Auntie Meryl exchanged some harsh words and I felt humiliated, the day ended on a rather nice buy slightly surprising note.

In the morning I was sat in the staffing area on my own, feeling tired and fed up. I'd hardly got a wink of sleep thinking of Caroline, so I wasn't in the best of moods. My frustration increased when TJ appeared and sat opposite me. "Well then," he said, "The ex Mrs Warm shacked up underground with Roz. I bet they're both lezzing off with each other as we speak." "P*ss off you idiot," I said. "Imagine it," said TJ, "Both them licking each other out. What a turn on." "God, is that all you ever think about?" I snapped, "Anyway you've not even seen Caroline. You don't know what she looks like. She might be a great big ugly troll." "It wouldn't surprise me," said TJ, "You're hardly going to attract a fit bird are you." "For your information she is fit," I firmly said. "Really?" said a disbelieving TJ. "Yeah REALLY!" I loudly snapped. "Well she divorced you," said TJ, "So you might have thought she was fit but she clearly thought you were a dog." "Actually," I angrily said, getting annoyed, "She couldn't get enough of me. She was gagging for my c*ck. We must have tried every position under the sun. She might have been a bossy, controlling, moody, dominant b*tch but the sex with me was phenomenal. She didn't think I was a dog. She thought I was a sex God." I then heard someone clearing their throat behind me. I turned round to see Caroline and the other zoo survivors stood behind me. Caroline did not look happy and I suddenly felt very nervous. "Oh God," I gasped, "Caz. . ." "Do NOT call me that," Caroline snapped, "You called me that when we were married. I did NOT like it then and I do NOT like it now. My name is Caroline." "Caroline," I said, as my lip quivered, "I didn't mean that. This pr*ck was winding me up. I only said it to shut him up." Caroline walked over to us and looked at TJ. "So you must be TJ," she said. "The one and only," TJ said with a smile, "You must be Mrs. Warm. How would you like to meet Mr Big?" Caroline looked unimpressed. "Well TJ," she said, "Let me tell you a few things. Luke and I rarely had sex, and when we did it was like bring in bed with an overzealous but under-performing ironing board. I was absolutely not gagging for his c*ck. I couldn't see it most of the time because quite frankly it's the size of a button mushroom. In fact, that's not fair. It's an insult to button mushrooms. The only position Luke was any good at was sitting on the sofa in front of the TV watching Doctor Who like one sad spotty geeky adolescent. I can assure you that the small number of times we had sex was not phenomenal and that I never once thought he was a sex God. In fact there was a time when I thought he was gay." "Ha!" laughed TJ, "Even your ex-wife thought you were a big poof." "And," said Caroline, turning back to TJ, "If I hear any more narrow minded and misogynistic comments aimed at me, Roz or Alison, or any other women, I will poke out your eyes, rip off your head and use it as a football. Am I making myself clear?" TJ smiled and nodded. It looked like the whole confrontation was turning him on. He then turned, looked at me and flashed me a big grin. "I like her," he said. I turned to Caroline feeling angry but also nervous. "What do you mean you thought I was gay?" I said, "We had sex." "Yes but you weren't very good at it," said Caroline, "Come on. You were there. You were terrible." TJ burst into laughter. "Shut up, I wasn't that bad," I said, feeling embarrassed. "You we're clueless," said Caroline, "You though the karma sutra was a type of curry." TJ's loud laughter increased. "Look, what are you doing here anyway?" I snapped, "I thought you wanted us to stay away from each other." "Well as you seem adamant on staying there's something I want to say," said Caroline. Alison and I exchanged awkward looks. I thought this was going to be Caroline revealing something linked to what Alison said to me yesterday.