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Won't Stop 'Til We're Legends; B.Barnes (Part Six)

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"What the hell were you thinking?" He was pissed. You kept your eyes on the floor and didn't reply to him. You were terrified, hating yourself for shaking. "Look at me, Y/N!" He yelled. Your eyes flicked up and you winced when you saw the look of sheer anger on his face. "Well?"

"I-I was on-only trying to help," You stuttered out quietly. Bucky laughed humourlessly and stood in front of you.

"Well don't. We don't need your help, you can't do anything right. Fury was right to kick you off and replace you with Sharon, she knew what was going on with the mission, you didn't because you weren't supposed to be there, and for a good reason too." His words tore at you from the inside. Your father was confirming your very worst fears, you couldn't do anything right and that you were useless. 

"I'm sorry, okay?" Tears threatened to fall from your eyes.

"No! No, okay is not the right word. This is far, from okay, Y/N. You ruined everything because you were reckless and dangerous and you could have gotten someone hurt again." He was beyond mad, you were pretty sure you saw steam coming from his ears. "What is wrong with you?!" You held back a sob. His hand flew up to his hair and you flinched as he raised his hand. When you were in HYDRA, they would make The Winter Soldier hit and beat you into compliance, and as much as convinced yourself that your dad would never hit you, you couldn't help it. You were conditioned to think that if anyone ever raised their hand to you, that they were going to hit you. A sob left your mouth and your hand flew up to your mouth to silence another. "Why are you crying?" He asked you.

"L-Leave me alo-alone," You stood up from the couch and walked to the door. Bucky grabbed your wrist and you yelped, his grip harder than he intended. "No! Let me go!" You grabbed his wrist and squeezed it. 

"Y/N! What is up with you?"

"You! And I'm sorry, I know that I'm a disappointment and I can't do anything! And I hate you as much as I hate myself! Fuck you, and your team! I hate you all, I fucking hate you all!" You cried. You stormed up the stairs and into your room. The door of your room slammed shut and you threw yourself down on your bed. Sobs wracked your body and your body shook as you cried into your pillows. Bucky's mind ran a mile a minute, your words playing through his head.

I hate you as much as I hate myself

What he had said to you hit him. He wiped the single tear that had ran astray and groaned as he sat on the couch. Bucky sat forward as his phone rang, confusion clear on his face as Sharon's number flashed across the screen.

"Sharon, what's up?" Bucky asked her. She sniffled from the other side of the phone.

"It-It's Steve," Her voice was nasally and stuffy, she had definitely been crying.

"What's wrong with him?" Bucky's concern grew at an increasing speed. Sharon sobbed as she tried to find the right words to tell the man's best friend.

"He's-He's gone, Bucky,"

--

You stared up at your ceiling, as you had been for the previous hour. Apologizing was off the list, you hadn't done anything, why do you need to say sorry? The guilt had begun to knaw at you,  in all honesty, you didn't hate your dad. He was all you had, how could you hate him? You sighed as you stood up, the side of you that had been quietly bringing you to apologize had grown and you couldn't bear to be angry at your dad for any longer. Covers and blankets slid off of you as you stood up and rubbed your red, puffy eyes with your hand. Your hand ran down the bannister as you walked down the stairs to the living room. You froze when you caught sight of your dad curled up on the couch asleep, with upon further inspection, tear streaks on his face. You knelt down beside him and shook him awake.