.marvel character and actor parent preferences.

lovely; S.Rogers

Warnings; Some heavy angst, breakdowns, swearing, character death, sadness, Steve Dies AU

Word Count; 2.3k

-

It had been 6 months since you lost your dad when he snapped his fingers. He died a hero to most, but to you, he died as your dad. You saw people move on, how could they? How could they move on while you were still stuck on it? You rarely spoke to anyone in the newly renovated compound, where you lived with Bucky, who was now your adoptive father. The only time you spoke to anyone was when you spoke to F.R.I.D.A.Y, even that was a stretch. Everything you knew had disappeared in 10 minutes, one minute you woke up on the floor of the forest in Wakanda, then the next your dad had died, it all went so fast. You felt selfish for even wishing that he hadn't done it, that someone else had. 

-

You threw your duffel bag over in the corner and wrapped your knuckles to protect them from even more damage than you had already caused them. Quickly, you got to work on knocking the shit out of the punching bags you had lined up. It was the best way you knew how to get your anger and frustrations out. The shield had been left to you, and so had the press looking to you for every single detail about your father's demise, they had no sense of remorse, assholes. Everyone was expecting so much from the new Captain America, who was only a mere 16 years old and emotionally unstable. You couldn't do this for much longer, you just wanted your dad to hug you again and tell you that everything would be okay, but you couldn't. He was gone, and you would never see him again. That thought made you throw a hard punch and burst the bag open, making it fly from the hook it was on. You sighed and sat on the bench at the side, putting your head in your hands.

"Y/N? Are you in here-" Bucky walked in and sighed, taking in your body language. As an ex-assassin, he was good at reading how people were from how they would be sitting. You were tired and angry, but what at? He sat down beside you. "What's wrong, kid?" He asked you. 

"Nothing," You snapped, you stood up and walked back over to where you previously stood, hooking up another punching bag and wrapping your knuckles tighter. Bucky walked over to you and put his hands over yours to stop you from going to punch it. "Bucky," You warned him.

"Y/N, you can't keep going on like this," He told you, making you scoff.

"Like what?" You asked him like he had accused you of murder.

"Listen, I've been in your shoes before, and the way you're going is dangerous, it's like self-destruction, Y/N. It's not the way that you want to go," He said. You chuckled quietly and shook your head.

"Listen, you have never been in my shoes before. Just because we both came from HYDRA doesn't mean that you know what's going on with me, so stop telling me all of this bullshit about how it's okay to not be okay because I'm fucking fine," You pulled your hands out of his grip and walked out of the gym, making Bucky sigh. He knew you weren't fine, he knew that the more you told yourself that you were fine, maybe you could convince yourself that you were. You slammed the door of your room and sat down on your bed, groaning when the door open.

"Y/N, you're not okay, are you?" Bucky asked. 

"I told you, I'm fine," You said, your teeth gritted. You stood up from your bed and went over to your dresser.

"But you're not, I know it," Bucky continued. "It's okay, Y/N. You don't have to pretend to be okay just because everyone else appears to be. And it's sure as hell okay to miss your dad because I do too, and I don't imagine for a second that you don't spend every night since then thinking about him. I know how you feel, Y/N," Suddenly, you dropped to your knees and let out a pain-filled scream. Bucky knelt down beside you and turned you over onto his lap as you began to sob. His heart was breaking for you, every sob you let out, it was like he could feel your pain in every single one. It wasn't emotional pain, it was physical, you were in pain you were crying so hard. "It's okay, Y/N," You were clinging to Bucky as if he were the last thing on earth. You stopped crying, but you just sat there on Bucky's lap, staring at the wall in front of you. "Alright kid, go for a shower and clean yourself up, okay?" You nodded and walked to your bathroom. Bucky sat down on your bed and ran his hand through his hair, the sound of your scream echoing around his head, it was heartbreaking to see. It was really the first time that you had broken down since your dad's death, you had felt like you had to be strong for everyone around you and the press. If they saw that you were week, they would think that you couldn't carry on the mantle of Captain America. Bucky heard you sobbing from your bathroom and his gut wrenched. You sounded so broken. A few minutes later, you came out of the bathroom, fully dressed except your hair was still a little bit wet.