Perfectly Imperfect

Mattress

"Whatever you do, make sure Rachel doesn't come to Glee on time," Kurt requested as he rushed past Dani with his arms full of old Thunderclaps, the school yearbook.

Dani checked her phone to see that Kurt called an emergency meeting and asked her to distract Rachel Berry. Before she could question the tenor on how she was to distract the brunette, he disappeared in the sea of students that flooded the halls of McKinley High School. So she dialed her friend's number, trying to produce an excuse to keep Rachel from the choir room.

"What's up, Dani? I'm just leaving the library then I'll be in the choir room-"

"No!" Dani yelled in the hallway, earning crooked glances from people walking past her. "Sorry, I just need a favor from you. Since you're in the library, I saw an old record of Tchaikovsky in the record section. I meant to grab it yesterday but I was late to a cello lesson."

Rachel smiled at the request, turning to reenter the library, "Of course, what's the record called?"

As Danielle Karofsky finally made her way into the McKinley choir room, seeing eleven of her fellow New Directions, she caught Kurt Hummel's attention, "Where's Rachel?"

Finn looked around, assuming that Kurt was asking the group rather than the Cheerio who entered the room last, "She's not here yet."

"She's doing me a favor, we don't have much time," Dani informed Kurt, dropping her bookbag on the floor by her and Quinn's feet as they leaned against the piano.

"Perfect. Glee club stands on a delicate precipice. We have all felt the cold humiliation of a slushie in the face. But as of right now, our relative anonymity as a club shields us from more severe persecution: swirlies, patriotic wedgies..."

Mercedes was following Kurt's monologue until he uttered his last two words, a term she wasn't familiar with, "What's a patriotic wedgie?"

"It's when they hoist you up the flagpole by your undies," Finn explained, glancing between Artie Abrams and Noah Puckerman. Puck and Dave Karofsky gave Artie a patriotic wedgie on his first day of school.

"Strangely, it did make me feel more American."

Kurt sadly smiled at Artie, feeling bad for their disabled friend's experience, "Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti-glee-club terror. I've done a little library research. Peter Gellar. Glee club second tenor, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn on Hitler mustache and rice paddy hat. Shortly after the yearbook came out, Mr. Gellar had a nervous breakdown. He is now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library."

"Patches?" Quinn and Dani gasped together, knowing exactly who Kurt was referring to.

"Patches."

Brittany gasped, mumbling to Santana as she looked at Patches' vandalized yearbook photograph, "He barks at my mom."

"Exhibit B: Tawny Peterson, glee club class of 2000, seen here in her photo with a cartoon knife stuck in her head, in a macabre tableau that, in four years would prove eerily prescient. I think I speak for all of us when I say that not having to pose for a yearbook photo might be a blessing in disguise. I suggest not fighting Figgins' ruling."

Mr. Schue walked in right at the end of Kurt's speech regarding the reprieve of Glee Club pictures, seeing twelve out of the thirteen New Directions gathered around the grand piano, "Oh, hey, guys. Ah, looking at old Thunderclaps?"

Artie nodded in agreement, sharing the same look of horror and fear of his eleven companions, "It's really unsettling."

"And totally unfair. Hey, can I borrow one of these? You know what? This year's thunderclap is going to have a glee club photo with every one of your smiling faces. You have my word on it." With that promise, Will Schuester stormed straight to Principal Figgins' office and made a deal to buy Glee Club a small space in the back of the Thunderclap.