The Siren's Song

Chapter 61- you can't outrun your emotions

JIMIN POV:

The moment we get home I rush off to shower, avoiding Jin hyung's customary greeting questions and Kookie and Hobi hyung's knowing glances and barely repressed giddy shock, sliding free of their grips to lock myself into the bathroom, tugging my clothes off and hurrying under the shower spray, trying to sluice away the heat from my cheeks and the nervous wild thrumming of my heart by lathering myself up slowly and rinsing myself off.

And it's as I'm under the hot spray that I remember the sudden panic that had flared through me, alarm prompting me to tug her hand- harder and firmer than I'd intended, misjudging her stability and the way she'd suddenly fallen, body tilting forward. The small almost inaudible inhale of breath before she'd fallen and then all of a sudden- softness against my body, the warm softness of her body colliding into me, plush against me and I mentally begged for my mind not to dwell too much on it, not to think too much of the way her body was slotted between mine and I could feel lithe legs caged between my splayed ones, hips pressed into mine- so intimately pressed against me that my mind and body craved the feel, welcomed it even as rationality whispered that she wasn't ours, that she couldn't be unless we asked her, hoping our feelings were reciprocated.

I scrub at my hair eyes squeezing shut tightly as I remember how her head had fallen forward, the accidental way her lips had touched my own. Soft rosiness against my own, slotting together perfectly and I'd stiffened, fighting the urge to move my lips against hers, to determine just how sweet she tasted but I couldn't lie to myself and pretend that my lips hadn't relaxed against hers, body clamping down forcefully on those urges to wrap her up close, to tug her further into me with the hand that splays across her back whilst the other grips her hand, wanting to slide my hand free and cradle her head closer.

As the hot water beats down at the nape of my neck, sliding down my back and shoulders, I remember how her hands had felt placed on my chest, pushing herself up and away within seconds, startled and jerking back, backpedalling away from me a small sound of surprise, back brushing against hyung's chest- cheeks turning rosy.

I don't know how I manage but I scramble off the floor, pretend that my heart isn't racing as I focus on Kookie instead, not knowing what the consequences would be if I'd continued to stare at her, not knowing whether that self-control would've shattered or not, whether I'd have tugged her back into my arms of my own accord.

And as my head hangs low, rivulets of water running down, I remember that it wasn't the first time that I'd felt that urge. That since that night at the club I'd entertained a constantly growing what-if in my head. What if I'd continued to allow myself to feel those urges with her and had acted on them. What if I'd drunken a bit more, would my inhibitions have been even lower, would I have been even more eager to get close to her, to take that full deep rose satin bottom lip between my teeth and tug. Whether if my worries hadn't been holding me back, if I'd known the others had been feeling the same way whether I'd have held back at all, or whether I'd have pulled her body tightly against my own.

And with the steam in the shower, the heat in my cheeks climb, and when I'm towelling myself off dry, tugging one of the hyung's hoodies and shorts, I walk out with determination.

Determination to get the others to agree to confess as soon as possible.

Because the wait of watching my feelings grow and being unable to act on them was torture. It was making me impatient and restless.

But when I enter the living room, to see the others already waiting for me, Kookie and Hobi sporting dangerously glinting eyes I gulp. Because the deep predatory intent in their eyes is perhaps far more dangerous and I don't know whether I'd get out of here alive or would be consumed in the feeling.