A Little Bit Of Something (On-Going)

#82

(Cace)

Nakaupo sa bangko'ng nasa labas ng ICU si Tita Ligaya, saka ko lang siya napansin paglabas ko mula sa pagbisita kay Jonnie. Hindi ko maitatanggi ang pag-iyak ko, halata naman sa namamaga ko'ng mga mata.

   Inabutan ako ni Tita ng tubig.

     "Salamat po."

     "Maupo ka muna."

   Sinunod ko ang pakiusap nito.

     "Sorry po, alam ko na hindi ko dapat iniyakan si Jonnie sa loob."

     "Matagal ka rin'g nagtimpi." may pagmamalasakit sa boses ni Tita kaya unti-unti ako'ng naluha ulit.

     "Alam ko lahat tayo pinipigil na umiyak sa tabi ni Jonnie, ayaw natin na maabala siya. Kahit na sinasabi ng doctor na unconscious siya at hindi tayo maririnig, pinipigil pa rin natin na ipakita na nasasaktan tayo dahil alam natin na mas doble ang mararamdaman niya'ng sakit."

   Kinagat ko ang loob ng labi ko, pero mas lalo lang ako'ng hindi makahinga.

   Tinapik ni Tita ang balikat ko.

     "Ang tagal mo rin tinago ang nararamdaman mo, kahit na hinuhusgahan ka nang iba'ng tao, ni minsan hindi mo ipinakita na apektado ka. Lalo na kapag kaharap mo si Jonnie, kahit na nadudurog ang puso mo, ni minsan hindi ka nagpakita nang kahinaan. Alam ko na maliban sa'min, ikaw ang pinakanasasaktan." bumagsak na ulit ang mga luha ko.

     "Ikaw ang pinakanaapektuhan. Kailangan mo rin ilabas ang lungkot mo at maiintindihan 'yun ni Jonnie. Mas gugustuhin nun na umiyak ka sa tabi niya kesa umiyak ka'ng mag-isa."

     "T-Tita...pwede po ba...pwede po ba kita'ng m-mayakap?" halos hindi ko na maaninag nang maayos ang mukha ni Tita. I was ugly crying that moment, I was a total mess. The next thing I knew, Tita Ligaya let me lean on her, her arms around me with her palm softly patting my back.

   I guess I needed that moment of vulnerability. I need to let it all out, so I could gain more strength to go through the following days of waiting for Jonnie.

—

Miss Luna handed me her resignation letter the next day. She was averting her eyes from mine when I look at her after receiving the letter.

     "Did you thoroughly think about this?"

     "I can't work with someone I did wrong."

   Hindi ako nakasagot.

     "Naisip ko na, ang rason lang naman na pumasok ako sa kompanya na 'to ay para mapalapit sa'yo. Everything I did is just to gain your appreciation, hoping that it will bear good fruit in the end. Simula pa lang, mali na ako. I was seeking for you and not for any career growth."

   I didn't know how to react.

     "I'm sorry. I know I've crossed the lines for so many times, kahit na ilan'g beses ka nang nagbigay ng boundaries. I'm sorry that I...I underestimated your relationship. Akala ko maghihiwalay lang din kayo, I always look at the two of you with mockery. Sa isip ko nun, you're gonna get tired of each other sooner or later. I just have to wait and collect brownie points."

   I was feeling uncomfortable with the sudden confession. Hindi ko akalain na umabot na sa ganun ang nararamdaman at naiisip niya.

     "Tama ka, I insulted your love for her. It was evil of me to think that she'd never wake up again, and I'm wicked to even dare flirting with you when I know you're vulnerable. I am...I am disgusted with how these feelings turned me into someone I spite."