Freedom Fighters League of the Exiled

Questioning Morals

Eren, Jean, and Marco started heading back to our room when I dismissed myself. "I'll be back in a minute. I have something to take care of," I said before waiting for Ymir to start heading back to her room. I waited as the room cleared out. When there were only a few people left, Ymir and Christa decided to start heading back. When she started walking I grabbed her arm and dragged her away from Christa who looked very confused about everything.

"I'll be back in a second," Ymir said, trying to ease Christa's worries.

I threw Ymir up against the wall a little harder than I meant to. I looked her in the eyes making sure she knew I wasn't playing around, "Is Reiner around?"

"You know I can't-."

"Bullshit!" I yelled, "don't you dare give me that." I know why she's doing this but she doesn't need to pull this stunt with me. I want to be able to help her with her own grief since she never gets her own time to grieve. On top of that, I want to know Reiner's opinions on everything that's happening. Berthold is doing this in his name and we don't even know if he is okay with killing. Even if he's okay with us killing, maybe he's not okay with Berthold's reasonings.

I want him to talk some sense into Berthold to make him see reason. Even if he can't change his mind then to at least make sure he gives him a better reason than pure revenge. I can see why they would vote to allow killing but at the same time having your reason be only revenge isn't going to solve anything.

I honestly don't know what I want. Maybe to have closure? Maybe to just be able to say goodbye. I mean I know we never fully got along but I still thought of him as a close friend. We may have butted heads but we were still friends nonetheless. If not friends then family.

I watched as she opened her mouth trying to find something to say before she finally let out a sigh, "not yet."

"You tell me when he appears to you." I wanted to keep my voice flat and calm but it came out more begging than anything.

"You mean if. It's not a guarantee that they will. Especially since Reiner was mad at me. He might have carried that anger over. Sometimes when spirits wake up they will remember emotions but not why they feel them so he could feel that anger and never want to talk to me again."

I paused for a moment trying to remember why he was mad at her. That's right Ymir let it slip that Ilsa was around and he almost lost it on her, that was before everyone got shot. They never had time to really talk about everything after that. He never got closure. "But you will see him if he's around Berthold right?"

She put her hand on my shoulder and I realized I was still pinning her to the wall. My grip on her arms were tight and I didn't even realize it before. I quickly let her go and let out a quiet apology. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me," I could tell she was lying cause her arms were sore. "Not if he doesn't want to be seen."

"Your power is so frustrating," I sighed. Letting my hands fall to my side and gripping at my pants. I didn't want to hurt anyone and the fact that I did it without even realizing.

"You're telling me," she laughed. "But if I see him I'll try and let you know," she said giving in.

"Good because I want to know if I just made the biggest mistake of my life by agreeing to kill people if need be."

"I never thought you would be the one to worry about that sort of thing," she mumbled mostly to herself. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. Besides Erwin and Mina still have to cast their votes who knows they might not agree with us, and even if they do, as you said earlier I doubt we are going to be killing everyone we will probably only do it when we have to."