Freedom Fighters League of the Exiled

Pixis

"I heard you were able to gather some information?" I asked.

Gunther looked at Nanaba waiting for her say. "Tell Pixis what you learned," she nodded.

He looked back at me and nodded. "While integrating some of the guards I learned about the location and some information about two other camps."

"Should we tell the rest of your team?" Nanaba asked.

"No," I said quickly. "Not yet. They all need time to grieve. This is their first time losing someone in this war. I can imagine none of them are taking it well."

"You'd be right," I heard a voice at my door.

"Ms. Magnolia?" I asked looking up. "You told me to come to you after I finished talking with them."

"Yes, let me finish up with these two and we can talk," I nodded before turning back to Nanaba and Gunther.

"I will check in with my team and when they've had enough time to process and grieve a little we can then talk to them about the other camps."

"Won't it be too late by then?" Gunther asked. "I mean this camp was hard enough not to mention now that we've taken one down the rest of them might reinforce their defenses. Especially, after I went asked every guard about the camps."

"Well, none of the guards you interrogated should remember you interrogating them." I shrugged.

"That's not how my power works," he said quickly.

"Not how your power works, but that's how Hanna's power works if she overloads a person's mind to a certain point they can forget certain memories. I instructed your team leader to have her follow behind and make them forget."

"Oh, that's smart," he mumbled before shaking his head. "Still, after one is attacked you would think the others would add more defenses."

"All the more reason to wait a while," I shrugged.

"I don't follow,"

"You're right," Nanaba nodded realizing what I was saying. "The guards from the last camp would have immediately reported it after catching us there. Meaning that all the other camps will quickly have an increase in guards before we could ever think to strike. So by waiting we are also increasing the chances there will be fewer guards," She mumbled.

"How?"

"Because with enough time they will think that we didn't get any information about them and they might start to let their guard down or call back some of the guards after a while," I explained.

"So you're saying no matter what we are better off waiting on these for a little while no matter what."

"Exactly."

They headed back to their rooms but before Nanaba could leave Ms. Magnolia. stopped her. "You might want to check on Rico, she seemed to take the death as hard as the rest of team A."

"Thank you, I'll talk to her," she said, giving her a nod and a grateful smile.

Ms. Magnolia walked in and took a seat. "So how is everyone?" I asked.

"Everyone is so broken." She said, taking a deep breath. "It breaks my heart to see them all like that.

"How is team A taking it?"

"Exactly how you'd think," she sighed. "Levi is so paralyzed with guilt that he can't stop staring at his hands. Eren is in such a state of despair he is bouncing between fits of rage, sobbing, and shock. Jean and Marco are trying to hold back their grief to help Eren and Levi, but they are in an equally bad state. I can tell they feel as guilty as Eren and Levi do. Sasha was a sobbing mess and just kept mumbling about how she turned her back for a split second to check up on some of the other prisoners, and Rico completely shut everything out and went straight to her room."

"What about Reiner? I know he and Ilsa were close."

"Reiner was so out of it that he was unresponsive for the first 5 minutes of me trying to talk to him. When he finally realized I was next to him he actually hugged me."

"He hugged you? Reiner?"

"Yeah."

"Oh shit," I mumbled. He is in a horrible state if he hugged someone other than Berthold in public.

"Ymir is also really hurting," she let out a deep breath as she tried to stop herself from getting overwhelmed with her own emotions.

"She's torn between grieving and just hoping that Ilsa appears to her. I don't think she knows how to grieve. She keeps saying that she's fine and that she's always around dead people so it doesn't affect her, but she's really struggling. I'm afraid that if Ilsa doesn't show up then Ymir won't know how to process her death properly."

"I see," I nodded. I didn't even think about Ymir and how hard this must hit her. The way loss hits a person is always different, but for Ymir, it's so different from the rest of us that I don't even know how or if I can help her through it.

"And the others," I asked.

"Different variations of what's already been said. No one is okay, I don't think you are even okay, though you are trying to act like it. I get strong for their sake, but you don't have to hide in front of me. I know a broken person when I see one. The look behind your eyes is those of a grieving parent, I of all people should know."

I felt my throat tighten and let out a deep breath. "Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine," I said with an unconvincing shaky tone. I took another deep breath to fix it. "You can go," I said in a monotone voice.

"I don't think I can," she said leaning forward, "I've talked to everyone, even Shadis, though he didn't have much to say aside from the fact that he didn't want to talk. Now it's your turn."

"I'll be fine."

"You just lost someone you don't have to be fine. You don't have to push away your emotions. Don't be afraid to let them out every once in a while."

"Do you think I'm heartless?" The question slipped out before I could stop myself.

"Far from it. I think you are really caring and that you try so hard to take care of everyone else that you forget that you are allowed to have emotions and feelings. You are allowed to be sad and angry."

"But if they see me cry then-."

"Then nothing," She cut me off. "If anything they'll see you cry and will know you truly do care. They aren't going to judge you. Half of them will probably break down and join you because they know how hard it is to hold in those tears."

"Thank you, Ms. Magnolia," I said, through deep breaths as tears stung at my eyes. "But I really do just need to be alone right now," I said.

She nodded and stood up. She gave me a pat on the shoulder before telling me, "my door is always open if you need to talk." She walked out of the room and I could only keep my head up for so long.

I laid my head on my desk and just let the tears flow. "Those bastards will pay. Ilsa had her whole life planned out and some trigger happy bastard with a badge destroyed it. The government took away her happy little plan, and they didn't stop there, they had to take her away too."

I tried to take a deep breath but I couldn't find the air. I just sat there silently sobbing with my head on my desk when I heard someone walk into the room. I didn't even bother to look up. I knew who it was by the footsteps.

"Looks like neither of us were able to hold back our tears this time," Shadis said with a shaky voice before sitting next to me and wrapping his arms around me.

"She was innocent." Was all I could mumble.

"They are all innocent," Shadis reminded me.

"She was too sweet for this cruel bitter world," I couldn't keep anything in any longer and I felt myself start to break down for the first time in years.

"She really was." He said holding me tightly with one hand and rubbing my back with the other.