Freedom Fighters League of the Exiled

Grieving

How did things get like this? She was right there in front of us and they took her away. They killed her in cold blood. I should go back and return the favor.

"Baby?" Berthold said scooting closer to me and putting a hand on my back. "Is there anything I can do before we go to bed."

I couldn't find the words. I had so much I wanted to say to him but nothing would come out. I wanted to tell him how much I'm going to miss her, how much I love him, that I don't want to lose him like we lost her, that I just want him to hold me close. When I finally forced out some words they were the wrong ones. "No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, now leave me alone," that's not what I wanted to say. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes shut. I'm taking out my anger on him. All I want to do is hug him and pull him close so why am I being such an asshole to him.

"Reiner?" He sounded so hurt when he called my name. I wanted to roll over and hug him but my body won't move. I heard him take a deep breath before I felt him get off the bed.

I felt tears sting at my eyes again. I didn't want him to leave I want him to stay. Why can't I say anything, why can't I move I need to stop him. Why am I like this?

I felt the bed dip on the other side and opened my eyes to see his beautiful ones staring at me as he sat next to the bed and laid his head next to mine. "I know you don't mean that," he said before bringing a hand up to my cheek and wiping some tears away.

I just closed my eyes tighter and scooted over to make some room on this side of the bed for him. He scooted in next to me and wrapped his arms around me before I felt whatever hold that was on my body vanish. I was able to move again, I was able to speak.

"I love you so much." I blurted out as I wrapped my arms tightly around him.

Everything kept replaying in my mind. Is there something I could have done differently to prevent this? If I paid more attention to the door maybe she would still be alive. Should I go check in with the rest of team A? They knew her better than I did, but they might be mad at me. What if they blame me for looking away from the door? I mean everyone else knew her, it was guaranteed they would be distracted. I knew it and I still took my eyes off the door. Maybe I should give them some time to grieve before checking in on them. I'll check in with them in the morning.

I shook my head to try to stop my thoughts from rambling on. I couldn't get her smile out of my head. I only met her for a moment and we barely spoke, but they were right about her. She was so positive despite looking like she was in so much pain. She gave us the biggest smile and complimented us. She called my power cool, usually, people are afraid of them. Her smile was contagious, and her personality reminds me of a ray of sunshine.

The image of her looking at me and complimenting my powers while smiling so brightly never lasted for more than a moment it was always quickly corrupted by a bullet hole appearing on her forehead and her dead eyes staring into me like they knew it was all my fault. Her kind words were replaced with the sound of gunshots and screaming.

"Hey hun, how are you holding up?" I was quickly pulled from my thoughts as I turned my head to look at Nanaba. She must have finished talking with Pixis already.

"I could have stopped this, I could have stopped all of this." I heard the words leave my mouth but I don't remember saying them.

She just froze in place, "Rico, hun. No." Her words were no more than a whisper. She walked over to me and sat next to me on the bed. I just pulled my knees closer. "This isn't anyone's fault but the guard. You guys did your best, and just remember that you saved a lot of people today." She put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a soft smile.