How many chances

part 83

after a while i went downstairs and sat on the couch with a massive headache so i got a tylenol bottle and went into the kitchen pouring myself a glass of water i then took the top off of the tylenol bottle and just looked inside of it soon i dumped the whole bottle into my hand about to swallow it all but instead the glass cup dropped out of my hand and hit the ground with glass and water going everyone soon i sat down throwing the pills on the ground and holding both sides of my head crying soon i got up and slowly walked upstairs packing a bag and getting into my car i wasn't mentally stable to be driving but i didn't care i've officially hit rock bottom i started driving and just blanking out some times but i had to keep my head steady after almost four hours i made it to my location and i knocked on the door when they opened they looked at me with their eyes watering and i broke down crying while they hugged me and rubbed my back

Mom: what's wrong baby don't cry
Y: i thought about doing it again mama the pills were in my hand and i thought about doing it
Mom: hey it's ok you didn't do it and you even drove all the way here on your own you're stronger than you think y/n and it's going to be ok come in you can stay as long as you want but when you're ready i'm gonna need you to tell me what almost made you do it again ok
Y: yes ma'am
Mom: be quiet though your dad is sleeping
Y: alright

i walked inside and went into my old room that was the same as when i left it and i sat down feeling a wash of comfort come over me and the next thing i knew i was fast asleep i woke up to my phone ringing and when i picked it up i literally had thousands of calls and messages i answered mikes call and he yelled in my ear

Mike: where the fuck are you are you ok what the fuck y/n you can't leave with pills all over the floor and not tell anyone i though you had i-
Y: mike calm down i'm ok i thought about it yes but that was it i'm sorry i should've left a note or something but i didn't think about it i didn't mean to almost give you a heart attack
Mike: almost y/n are you kidding me i had a fucking panic attack on the floor i was yelling at everyone like a freaking maniac i literally chased kobe around the damn house with a knife
Y: you did what
Mike: yes i did that i almost stabbed him because i thought you did it you scared the shit out of me when you get home i'm going to break your neck
Y: or are you going to chase me around with a knife
Mike: i'm not joking y/n i almost killed your fiancé
Y: i heard what you said little psychopath
Mike: why is everything a joke to you
Y: it's my way of coping with shit mike i'm sorry that you almost killed kobe there is that better i'm feeling better right now and i would like to stay that way for a while
Mike: what do you mean for a while aren't you coming home tomorrow
Y: no actually i might stay down here for at least a week
Mike: a week are you kidding me
Y: no i'm being serious mike you'll live you have everyone else
Mike: that's not the problem the problem is i don't know where you are and you're talking about leaving for a week
Y: you don't need to know where i'm at

when i said that my yelled from downstairs "come on baby it's time to eat" and i hit my forehead then shook my head

Mike: you're at home
Y: can you not say that out loud and don't come here
Mike: can i come by myself
Y: no you can't stay in LA i'm going to stay here for a little
Mike: i'm coming but i'm not going to say when
Y: mike
Mike: anyways go eat dinner "baby"
Y: don't come
Mike: i'm coming bye i love you
Y: mi-

before i could finish mike hung up in my face and when i tried to call him back he instantly declined my call and i rolled my eyes then went downstairs sitting at the table with my mom and just poking at my food for some reason i really didn't have an appetite i haven't eaten since me and kobe moved rooms so i just got so used to not eating

Mom: y/n if you don't eat i will force you
Y: but mama
Mom: no buts now eat before i make you sit at this table until you do so

i put some of the food on my fork and slowly bit it maybe it's because i haven't ate in a while but i started feeling sick but i continued eating and soon the sickness went away and now i could feel the starvation that i had been hiding the whole time my mom took my plate and got up putting more food on it and when she sat it back down in front of me i ate it again but faster than the last time once i finished i drunk the juice that was in front of me and i was now full i thanked my mom and kissed her forehead and i was about to walk off until my mom called my name so i stopped and turned around looking at her

Mom: uhn uhn little lady came over here and sit down you are going to tell me what brought you all the way over here

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