How many chances

part 169

after a while of talking they all went upstairs sitting down and talking to each other then we all laid down under my cover watching movies

Kobe: why do you need such a big house
Y: for all the hoes imma have running around
Kobe: stop playing with me
Y: i'm not but go off i guess
Kobe: anyways what we doing
Ida: i mean we can go somewhere or chill here
Y: actually kobe i need to talk to you so follow me
Kobe: uhh ok i'm used to saying that
Y: just come on

i got off the bed and went downstairs to the theater room sitting down while kobe sat across from me

Kobe: so what's up
Y: when i said i missed you i lied
Kobe: what did you call me down here to reject me
Y: no i'm saying when i said i missed you i mean i miss the old you
Kobe: be more specific
Y: i miss the kobe that didn't cheat on me
Kobe: is that really it
Y: no kobe you aren't even letting me speak
Kobe: because i feel like you're gonna give me a lecture
Y: no i'm telling you because i just want you to know i'm not trying to bash you or anything that's why i pulled you privately i've been quiet for way too long and i let you change without even saying anything because i thought if i did i would be the reason you did something dumb and i'm not telling you to not be yourself but be the better version of yourself i sit back and let you do some dumb shit and i was dumb for doing that
Kobe: where is this all coming from
Y: because if you ever want me back then i need to get this out you used to be so happy and energetic and that's the kobe i married you remember it was around two thirty one night we went on a drive around town and we had so much fun it was just me well thats the kobe i fell for
Kobe: i'm getting older y/n i'm not gonna be the same way forever i don't tell you about the old you i miss
Y: well then tell me now
Kobe: ok well i miss the y/n that was a bad bitch the one that didn't let little shit break her down the one that wouldn't even second guess talking back to someone who disagreed with her this y/n isn't who i fell for shes not the girl i fell in love with she's different yea she can still fight but she's a push over she never takes up for herself and when shit gets hard she always try to take the easy way out but then she comes for someone else when they do the same she'll change so fast and won't say anything but will point it out in a heartbeat when someone else does oh or better yet she'll act like the better parent when deep down she doesn't have a fucking clue about what she's doing no one is does anything right in your eyes only you that's it everyone else just messes up and you make sure to point it out and thanks but i was actually really happy lately but it's nice to know that this side of me is the side you don't like it's nice to know that the side of me you liked is the side that didn't want to be here and was struggling with depression the side that thought he was never good enough for anyone i'm glad that's the kobe you fell for and i'm sorry you can't get him back

i watched as kobe got up walking away and i sat there taking in what he said and it was crazy to me because he showed me how big the wall i built up was if my own ex husband thought that i think i do right in my eyes when all i think i do is fuck up im always thinking i'm not good enough i always think people are better off without me but i smile and push through because i have kids and a family that's counting on me to never do what i did a few months back and i am a bad bitch i smile every day so my kids never know what being sad is i make people smile even when i'm at my lowest so if that's not being a bad bitch then i don't know what is kobe says the old him was depressed and what not and he never told me that and i do feel bad for him but i pushed all of my feelings down and i turned on the screen watching movies play hours past and i laid down putting a blanket on me then kobe stood in front of me

Kobe: i'm sorry for what i said
Y: don't apologize for speaking your mind you said what you thought
Kobe: but it was rude
Y: it wasn't rude it was how you truly felt
Kobe: are you mad at me
Y: no i have no reason to be mad
Kobe: ok
Y: don't touch me
Kobe: but you said you weren't mad
Y: i'm not but that doesn't mean i want you touching me
Kobe: ok you're mad so what did i do
Y: i told you about the simple things i missed and how you make some dumb mistakes you told me about the things you missed but you also tried to tell me that basically i think i do shit right but i don't also that i "try to take the easy way out" why don't you just say what you're really thinking because i know what it is you want to say when things get too hard i try to kill myself let's just be honest there's no need for you to sugar coat shit and if i'm wrong then i'll gladly let you tell me what you really meant
Kobe: y/n
Y: exactly

y/n got up walking off and kobe sat down throwing his head back and looking out the sun roof

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