How many chances

part 148

Ida: are you ok
Y: yea i'm fine
Ida: good then what the fuck were you thinking
Y: listen i'm sorry and it's not going to happen again
Kenzie: i'm disappointed in you y/n you told us you weren't going to take the easy way out anymore
Ida: and you lied
Y: ok i know that and i said i was sorry
Kenzie: are you really
Y: listen to me for a fucking second got damn it i said i'm sorry what the fuck do you want me to do i can't go back and stop the shit from happening so shut the fuck up if i could redo everything i would and i wouldn't even do it but i can't i fucking can't so yea i messed up and i see that yea i scared you and i see that but don't you think i'm already disappointed in myself don't you think i lied to myself all because it affected y'all doesn't mean it didn't affect me y'all aren't the one sitting here and even if y'all were i wouldn't be throwing shots at you i can't redo shit that happened so fucking drop it dude honestly if you don't have anything nice to say then can you just leave
Kenzie: i'm sorry
Y: are you really
Ida: listen it was selfish of us to come in here and try to release our anger and grief on you we were just so sad when we saw you like that and it really messed us up but i'm not going to constantly pick at you about the situation i didn't even consider what you're dealing with and i'm sorry for that i promise
Kenzie: we're truly sorry we should've thought about your feelings first

the girls came to me and gave me a hug and i hugged back then i looked up seeing my mom and i couldn't even look her in the eyes

Mom: who would've thought we'd be doing this again
Y: mama
Mom: no you can tell your friends whatever you want but you're going to listen to me young lady i carried you for nine fucking months and took care of you for eighteen years and you leave for two and you pull this shit again you know better y/n you saw how hurt we were the first time or was seeing us upset the first time not good enough for you it just had to happen a second time oh wait or is third time the charm because you must not be done yet you have an audience of young children who look up to you and if it you wouldn't have made it do you have any idea how many of them you would've killed for your selfish and stupid actions and did you even think about the kids you brought into this world so all because you're hurting you're going to leave them to not have a mom you know that king knows how you look right or did all of that just fly past your head now i know you're upset but so am i got damn it and i'm disappointed in you
Y: mama i'm sorry it was dumb i'm dumb i didn't think and that's my fault but i love my kids and my supporters with everything in me but i only thought about myself and i know it's selfish but i promised i would never do it again and i mean it i'm sorry to all of you and i know if i could i would go back in time and punch myself in the face but what's done is done can we all just appreciate that i didn't stop fighting
Mom: of course i appreciate that baby

my mom came to me and hugged me then everyone joined in and i just broke down to see how many people care for me was really great and i couldn't control my feelings when everyone pulled away i felt someone still hugging me and i turned my head and saw mattia so i hugged him back for a while then he moved away and kissed my head before walking out after a while the door opened back up and the doctor walked in and came to me

Doctor: we're going to have to keep you for five more days for inpatient hospitalization since you're high risk of harming yourself
Y: ugh i understand
Doctor: i'll be back to check on your wrist and just make sure everything's ok
Y: alright

the doctor walked out and i sighed and put my hand on my forehead

Mike: hey don't stress you'll be out in five days and we'll be here for you everyday
Y: thank you

the door opened back up and i thought it was the doctor again but it was mattia and he handed me a bear

Mattia: i decided when we aren't around you'll at least need someone to keep you company
Y: aww thank you i'm naming him polibio
Mattia: alright you better kiss him everyday
Y: of course i'll start right now

i kissed the bear and looked at mattia who was looking at me smiling

Mattia: that's one lucky bear
Y: haha shut up
Mattia: i'm just saying i'm gonna act like that was me see lol

mattia closed his eyes then kissed the air as if he was kissing me back and i playfully hit him while everyone laughed

Y: how's my babies
Mom: they're good leilani misses you and king is just as wild as always he's talking about going to the jungle
Y: yea i promised him we'd go for his birthday
Mom: well he's definitely excited
Y: i miss them
Mom: well i'll gone get going i'll call you so you can see them
Y: thank you
Ida: just so y'all know i'm staying with y/n tonight
Y: oh by the way i heard that shit you said while i was in a coma and ms girl you gone have to fight me
Ida: i mean it woke you up that was the point
Y: yea meet me outside in five days
Ida: i mean it's whatever

we all laughed then i talked it everyone for a while until they started hugging me one by one and leaving mattia was the last to leave he kissed my bear where i kissed him then he hugged me and kissed my cheek

Mattia: one day it'll be the lips until then we wait
Y: yea in your dreams nerd
Mattia: whew you don't want to know what we do in my dreams
Y: get out perv
Mattia: haha i'll see you tomorrow
Y: see you tomorrow

i shook my head smiling then looked at ida who was just looking at me

Y: damn bitch can i help you

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