Smut and fluff

To go with grace

By aforest

SUICIDE ATTEMPT

Harry doesn't know when or why it starts. He wishes he could pinpoint a day, an emotion, an event, anything; but it seems one day he woke up and a switch flipped in his head he was just sad . It was crushing. It was a big, heavy weight that crushed his soul and he was just so fucking sad . He just woke up one day and he wished he could sleep forever.

Of course he knows there's many factors that could've caused his sudden craving for death, but none of them seem to fit the heavy feeling of his heart. He's just so tired . If there was one word to sum up the way Harry was feeling, it was tired- 3 years of constant touring would do that to you. And hiding your relationship with a fellow band mate. That's pretty exhausting as well. Harry could get a perfect 8 hours of sleep and wake up feeling like he had just traversed the Sahara Desert alone for three weeks. He's not physically exhausted, no, but his body aches with how tired he is, tired of being alive. He doesn't want to die, of course he doesn't wanna die. But, it'd be nice to just stop existing for awhile. Or forever. He just needs a break.

So, Harry does what any suicidal 19 year old would do: buys a gun and tells everyone he's fine. He picks a date, makes it official, tries to start writing a note. He doesn't like that part of it. The goodbyes. But he knows he needs to write it, he'd want someone to do it for him.

-

Louis should've noticed. He should've noticed that his boyfriend of three years had something going on. Of course he realizes something is off, but he brushes it off as exhaustion from tour. They have a break soon. Just a few more shows and Harry can rest. Louis can't wait to lay in bed with him for a whole week. A week where he has Harry all to himself, just them in their London flat. He decides he should go check on his boyfriend, find out where he is. He can't help but miss him when they spend time apart, which is rarely, considering they practically live on top of each other ten months of the year.

He wanders around backstage before finding Harry in his dressing room. "Hey babe" he grins as he walks through the door. He stops when he sees his boyfriend sitting on the couch, head in his hands. "Baby? What's wrong?" he spits as he rushes over to gather him in his arms. "Is it your back? Are you sick? You don't have to perform tonight, you know I won't let them force you" he mumbles into Harry's head of curls.

" 'm fine Lou." Harry says, voice shaking.

Louis finally sees his face for the first time since he walked in and woah. His eyes are red, and god he has never looked paler. The bags under his eyes resemble a bruise and his cheekbones are sunken in.

"You're always fine H," he pouts, taking his boyfriend's head in his hands, "Why won't you let me in, let me take care of you?"

"I'm tired Lou. The break starts tomorrow, I can make it through one last show. I wouldn't miss out on my last one." Harry mumbles.

"There will always be more shows babes. We have one in two weeks. You're important Haz, your health is important." Louis whispers, running his hand through the younger boy's hair.

"I'm ok Lou. One more show, yeah? Then you can care for me all you want, you'll have me all to yourself." Harry says, sounding more like himself.

"You tell me the minute you feel unwell, got it?" Louis replies sternly.

"Of course, Lou"

-

Well shit.

It always baffles Louis how his week of plans can be thrown out the window with one simple phone call. He has to go to LA with Eleanor during their break. Granted, it's only for two out of their seven days off but goddammit, Louis wants to be with his boy. Especially after the state he was in on Friday.