The Deep Oneshots Part 2

incorrect quotes

I've got more!!!

Alana : Sometimes I like to place my hands on someone’s cheeks, look into their eyes...
Alana : ...And violently jerk their head until it snaps.
Finn: ...That took an unexpected turn.
Maddy: So did their neck.

Alana: Hi, I'm Finn's emergency contact.
Counter Woman: You're here to pick them up?
Alana: I'm here to remove myself as their emergency contact.

Fontaine : I’ve only had Finn for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Alpheus : Tommorrow's garbage day.
Ant : I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.

Alpheus : Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!
Alana : It's kind of complicated, but Ant-
Alpheus : Got it. Forget I asked.

Alana : I just found out from Fontaine today that when Alpheus died and the service did the 21-gun salute at their funeral, Finn said, “They should aim at the coffin to be sure.”

Alpheus , digging their grave: Long story short, this is my grave.......Want me to make you one too?

Finn: Why were you up yesterday until 3am?
Maddy: How did you know I was up until 3am?
Alana : We could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS intro every 25 minutes.

Alana , explaining why they are not allowed to cook: I put the noodles in the pot and put the pot on the stove and turned the burner on high. Turns out you don't put noodles in marijuana and I almost burnt the whole house down.

Alpheus: You use emoji’s like a straight person.
Fontaine : That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.

Alpheus : he's the boy of my dreams!
Fontaine: You say every boy is the boy of your dreams.
Alpheus : I have a lot of dreams.

Ant: We’re having a moment, aren’t we?
Alana : If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

Alpheus : OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! GET UP THERE!
Finn: *Climbing* THIS HOUSE IS A F*CKING NIGHTMARE!!!

Alpheus : Kayda ... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Kayda : Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Alpheus :
Alpheus : I wrote sanitize, Kayda 

*when someone asks Alpheus to to talk about his emotions*
Alpheus : Could you maybe just like… stab me… right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. ‘Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation.

Maddy: Ant, do you love me?
Ant: Of course I do!
Maddy: Would you still love me if I did something bad?
Ant: Well, of course I… would…
Maddy: I mean something really, really—
Ant: Maddy, what did you do?

Alana : How is the most beautiful person in the world?
Veronica : *blushing* I—
Fontaine , butting into the conversation: Jess is perfect, thanks for asking.

Finn, throwing their head into Fontaine 's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!
Fontaine , lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

Kaiko: Where are your parents?
Alpheus : What are parents?
Will: That’s just about the saddest thing I've ever heard